Big Reactions

Whenever I receive a great piece of parenting advice I feel as though it is my duty to share it. Like it would be selfish of me to keep it to myself. You are welcome in advance. One of the things that we've always struggled with is how to deal with LB's occasional overreaction to situations. He has been on high alert for as long as I can remember. I am not a trained therapist but I do think he has a pretty intense fight or flight response. It should also be noted that if I am being honest with myself then I also have this issue at times and would consider my central nervous system to be highly sensitive. (My parents are probably nodding their heads and laughing as they read this.) So I may not be a trained professional but I have a lot of personal experience. I'm never for certain if some of his reactions are due to sensory sensitivities or if it's just some physiological thing. But whatever it is it happens and it's hard to manage. D and I both really have to watch our own reactions to stressful situations because LB is so in tune with what we say or what we do and he can be easily upset or frightened. For example, we were driving home from D's parents a few weeks ago and there was a car on the highway that started to have major problems. I am not sure if two tires blew but it was moving erratically and was trying to pull over. I gasped loudly and LB immediately started sobbing. I think he saw the car as well and then my reaction sent him into freak out mode. I think I've gotten a lot better at not gasping but I still do it from time to time and the second it comes out of my mouth I regret it and start cursing myself. Sometimes LB will barely bump his leg and will start crying and screaming like he fell off the roof. The reaction doesn't match the situation is the best way I can describe it. I think he has gotten a lot better, especially as his noise sensitivities have decreased and his language skills have increased, but it's still there. At times I get sad and wish he could be more laid back and worry less about things. He's only a kid. But some would say being highly sensitive can have it's advantages too. Ahem.

I was reading one of my favorite blogs for parenting advice, One Thankful Mom, and she posted about her son, who also has sensory processing issues, and a tip they have used to manage his extreme reactions. Jackpot! She framed it as big problems versus small problems. So I started using it. LB would fall outside in the grass and start to get mad. I would tell him, "It's a small problem so you don't have to worry." Or he would drop a toy and start to scream and I would say, "It's a small problem. Let's just pick it up." And I just started constantly talking about how things were small problems. It only took a few days and he was completely on board. He would start to overreact and I would tell him, "LB, it's a small problem. We can fix it." And the crying or screaming would stop and he would repeat, "It's a small problem." He also has started asking me, "Mommy, is it a small problem?" Yesterday, I banged my elbow on the wall and he asked, "Are you okay? Is it a small problem?" And I assured him that it was and he went about his business. He even created his own level of a problem, which he refers to as a "super tiny problem." He says it in a high pitched voice and it's adorable and sweet. I talk about how running into the street is a big problem or trying to climb the fridge is a big problem. It's been helpful in working on a behavior issues we've been having with him running too far away in situations that aren't safe. I try to give him lots of room to run but there are times when he needs to stay close or hold hands and he struggles with that. Yesterday, we were at the mall before meeting LB's old OT for lunch. (I love that we have become friends and still see each other even though LB is no longer in therapy.) I wasn't making him hold my hand because I wanted him to run some energy off before we went inside the restaurant. But he got too far and I asked him to freeze and he didn't. I caught up to him and explained it would be a BIG problem if we lost each other. And then we practiced freezing. He would walk ahead a little and I would say "freeze." And he would stop and either wait for me to catch up or run back closer to me. We did it several times and he listened very well. I heaped on the positive reenforcement and you could tell from his smile that he was proud of himself.

I have to think that small problems versus big problems would be helpful for a lot of kids, even for ones who aren't on high alert. Let's face it, most toddlers overreact from time to time. It's kind of what they are famous for. Give it a try. Let me know if you find it to be helpful.

LB and his OT. Two Angels.

Let Me Play

I am 3. I am not built to sit still, keep my hands to myself, take turns, be patient, stand in line, or keep quiet. I need motion, I need novelty, I need adventure, and I need to engage the world with my whole body. Let me Play. Trust me, I'm learning.

I saw the above photo on Facebook yesterday and it was just what I needed. LB and I have our good days but some of his behavior has really challenged me lately. On numerous occasions I have asked myself, "What am I doing wrong?" "Am I too lenient?" "Am I too strict?" I have just been doubting myself and some of my parenting decisions. The whole concept of sharing and taking turns has taken a serious nose dive. I used to think LB was good at that stuff and even patted myself on the back a few times for a job well done. I won't do that again! He has definitely become more territorial about pretty much everything. This morning at the park he was playing in a puddle. He was jumping in it and throwing rocks in it and having a great time. Another little boy wanted to join in the fun and LB shouted, "This is mine!" Geesh. I know it's normal and all part of development but it's so frustrating.

LB also has been struggling with the little baby I am watching. (I am struggling too.) It's not been easy. In part, because it's been a bit sporadic so settling into a routine has been difficult. The baby's mom takes random days off here and there and the baby's grandma comes into town for several days. I like having the break but it also makes getting into a flow really hard. And LB gets really distressed when the baby is distressed so then I have two crying kids to contend with. A few nights ago, LB was in the bath and he threw his soaking wet washcloth at me. After I talked to him about it he said, "It's hard to share my mommy with baby B." From my point of view, it was so out of the blue. Her mom had picked her up several hours ago and we hadn't been talking about her but clearly he was still thinking about her. It was also a relief to know that a lot of his negative attention seeking behaviors have been for good reason. Yesterday, we were sitting on the couch and he asked, "Baby B is coming tomorrow?" When I told him she wasn't he paused and then looked at me and said "Just Mommy and LB." It was so sweet. It's not like he's getting a life long sister out of this gig and so I really do sympathize with him. Luckily, my commitment is over at the end of the month and then we can go back to "just Mommy and LB."

As the above picture states, LB definitely needs a lot of motion and movement to help him stay calm and regulated. I'm really looking forward to this summer when we can spend most of our days in the backyard, at the park or at the pool. One of my goals for this summer is to get LB more comfortable in the pool. I've started re-familiarizing myself with all the great parks in our city and hope to explore some new ones. LB loves nature trails and collecting objects like pinecones or rocks so that's on our agenda too. As much as a I want to let him explore and engage, I find it difficult to balance that with keeping him safe and setting limits. He has the tendency to run off and that's been really tough to manage with the baby in tow, especially since he might be the fastest three year old ever. We've started talking about strangers and car accidents and I hate that I have to do that. He's still so little. But I also feel like he needs to know the consequences of running off and understand why I have to keep him close to me in certain situations. He desperately wants to be independent and I want to encourage that but safety has to be first, right? Yesterday, we went on a walk and I had the baby in the stroller and I let him walk ahead on the sidewalk. We practiced letting him run ahead a bit and then I would say "freeze" and he would have to stop and wait or run back to us. It worked pretty well and I hope with more practice he will get better at it.

I'm holding tight to the really good moments and trying to remember that in the tough moments he is still learning and developing. Oh age three, you are not easy but your good moments are so joyful that I know I'll survive.

No More Lists

Have you noticed all of the lists online that start with, "What not to say to X type of mom" these days? You can fill in the blank with working moms, adoptive moms, stay at home moms, moms of kids with down syndrome, moms of twins, breastfeeding moms, moms who need chocolate to cope, etc. It's pretty exhausting. All of those lists actually exist. Well, maybe not the chocolate one. Sadly, I am guilty of sharing the "don't you dare say these things to adoptive moms" list. It is one of the first lists I read and I related to it so I hit the share button. Looking back, I wish I hadn't but oh well. Live and Learn. But I get why we do it. I get why I did it. Some of the things  people have said to me or my adoptive mom friends have been down right infuriating. Like the dental hygienist who told my friend, "Well, if adoption is good enough for Angelina Jolie then I guess it is good enough for anyone." Yes, someone really said that. It was a dumb and insulting thing to say for sure. I've received an Angelina comment too. It's annoying. But the person who said it to me was trying to be funny and even though it wasn't I know that person and know they weren't intentionally trying to insult me.

I also think the lists come about because we all make choices in our lives and those choices are dear and important to us. And add our kids in to the mix, who mean the world to us, and it's a recipe for passionate cries. That's not a bad thing. When we feel like someone has questioned or insulted our choices or said something we don't like about our kids then we want to stand up and tell the world that it's not okay. And it isn't okay. But something is off about the tone in these lists. Is that just me? And now I have become annoyed by the whole thing. You know what I think these lists do? They pit us against each other. And by us I mean women and moms. They put us in camps and say to people on the outside of the camp, "Don't even try to understand what I go through and you better watch what you say." The lists make us feel like we can't say anything to someone who is walking a different path than us. Should we do our best to be kind and sensitive and think before we speak? Absolutely! Yes! But sometimes we are going to say something stupid and insensitive. And that's okay. We're all stupid and insensitive sometimes. I haven't received too many annoying comments about adoption but when I have I know that in retrospect the person was well intentioned or just not fully thinking through what they were saying. We can't all be held to such a high standard. There are times when I have just smiled and changed the subject or walked away and there have been times when I have tried to educate. It depends on my mood or if LB is close by or if the person is a friend or a stranger. Someone said something to me yesterday that hit my infertility button. I got the sense she felt badly soon after it came out of her mouth. She didn't mean to insult me. I let it go. In that case, I think she knew right away and that was enough for me. I truly hope that if I say something dumb to a mom with twins or a working mom that the person would kindly explain to me that what I have said was insensitive. And I pray that I will have the strength to not get defensive but to open my mind to someone elses' experience and perspective. We lose our power and strength as women if we are always trying to put ourselves into various cliques and excluding those who don't belong.

So I'm going to work on being more inclusive. I want my actions to say "pull up a chair and have some chocolate" not "you couldn't possibly understand so don't say x,y or z." In the same way I need to remind myself that I can't be perfect, I need to remember that for my friends, acquaintances and strangers in line at the store. Let's get rid of the lists and just recognize we are all unique and all equally deserving of respect.
Amen to that.

Standing Out

Last week LB and I we were at the Science Center and LB was looking at the turtles and frogs that they have in the Little Kids Space. There is a big window behind the animals where they have office space and one of the women working there saw LB checking out the animals and came out. She said, "I remember you guys from the Planes, Trains and Automobiles workshop. It's so great to see you again." And then she proceeded to show LB the albino frog and told him the names of the turtles. Before she went back to work she said to me, "He is just so sweet and smart. I'll never forget his face. He just made my day." I should mention we did that workshop in December. December! That was 4 months ago! And she probably runs multiple workshops a month. I know that LB is adorable and expressive and certainly memorable but I can't help but wonder if the reason we are recognizable is because our skin colors don't match. This standing out factor is something I only gave a little thought to when we were preparing to adopt to LB. I guess it just seemed so obvious that we would stand out that I didn't really think through all the implications of that. I assumed we would get a lot of questions, which actually we don't. I didn't expect that I would occasionally be frustrated by our inability to be inconspicuous. I feel like people know us wherever we go. Yet, I don't know them. And I consider myself good with names and faces and I often have a hard time placing people who know LB's name and talk to me like we've met several times. (You can ask my close friends. I have a good memory when it comes to names and faces. I promise I am not being flighty.) I often find myself thinking "do these people remember us because LB is so extroverted and expressive or do they remember us because we are the mommy son pair who don't match?" I suppose I will never know. Maybe it's both. But surely the fact that we are a transracial family plays a part. I think it would be naive to think otherwise. Usually, I just try to enjoy that people remember LB. I think it makes him feel special that so many people know his name and I certainly love it when his cuteness earns us a free cookie at my favorite cafe. But I've surprised myself with how much I let that standing out factor get to me when LB is not being sweet and engaging and happy. He's 3. It's going to happen. It's not fair to him that I get bent out of shape over it. Sadly, I can really let it ruin my day. He shouldn't pay the price for that and a get a cranky mom for the rest of the day. I know all parents get looks from people when their kid is throwing a fit in public. Some people are sympathetic and others aren't. It's easy to feel judged and embarrassed even if you and your child are the same race. But man, I really let those looks get to me and I wonder if I would as much if we matched. I hate that. But it's true.

LB and I took a quick trip to Tulsa for Easter. One of the days we went to the zoo with my friend's mom and my friend's daughter, who is LB's age. My friend is a pediatrician so she couldn't make it. We had a great time! We were there for two and a half hours and LB had tons of fun. We rode the merry go round and the train. He got to touch a bunny and some goats. He saw giraffes and peacocks (two things we don't have at our zoo.) He ran a little too far ahead sometimes but the entire time we were there it was fun and he did well. Then we were leaving and entered the gift shop. GAH! I hate gift shops. Were they invented to create meltdowns? And most kid places put the stupid gift shop by the entrance or exit so they are impossible to avoid. Without giving you the boring details, LB had a meltdown. We left with him crying and he cried most of the way home. And what did I do? Did I focus on the two and a half hours of fun? Um, no. I let that little meltdown dictate my mood. I couldn't get the looks I got from the gift shop employees out of my head. Surely, they must see tons of kids lose it. Right? He got over it and in the end it was a probably a good lesson for him but I got all bent out of shape. When he's over it I need to get over it. I could give you 100 more examples but you get the point. And it bugs me that it portrays me as a glass half empty type of person because I have always considered myself a glass half full kind of person. And I have to stop worrying if any of those looks are race based. LB shouldn't be held to a higher standard of behavior so that other people won't think judgy thoughts about our family and so that his self conscious mother won't worry about standing out. That's not his responsibility. He didn't ask to be adopted by a white mother. I don't know how I can get over this but I have to. I suppose it will just require practice and a lot of positive self talk.

I do know that I want to start focusing on the good moments each day. I'm hoping this will help. I want him to be a part of it. Maybe each night at dinner I can list all the great moments of each day. Even if it's little like "LB did a good job saying thank you to his teacher." Or "LB gave me a big hug after nap." Some days I might really have to think and others I'll be able to list 20. That's okay, I think. But I can't continue to let 5 minutes here and there control my whole outlook on the day. That's just a recipe for getting down. Anyone else out there do this too? What helps you? Are you a transracial family and do you sometimes struggle with standing out? Can you tell I am looking for some validation? Is it super obvious? Okay. Help.

Soccer Begins

Ever since LB could walk he's been kicking a ball. Or leaves. Or a puzzle piece. Or whatever. You get the idea. I know that I am biased but he has a mean left footed kick. It isn't just me who thinks so. There are other non-biased people like his dad and grandparents and aunt who agree with me. Ha! But seriously, random people at the park do comment on how well he kicks the ball. Here are a few action shots from last year.

Now that he is 3, I decided he was ready for a soccer class of sorts. I found a place that came highly recommended and they offered early evening indoor classes for 3 year olds. D and I have been talking to LB about it for a while and he was so excited that this was an activity he could do with his dad. He knows that D played soccer as a kid and LB is all about being "same as Daddy." The day finally arrived and LB was ready ALL DAY. I kept having to tell him that it was after nap and we had to wait for Daddy to get home. The excitement didn't end once we were on our way. I wish I had a dollar for every time he asked, "Is this it?"

There was another class finishing up when we got there so he had to wait a few minutes before he could get on the field. Do you love the look on his face as much as I do? The anticipation was building!

D went out on the field with him in the beginning. We weren't sure what to expect but I think the coach did a pretty good job of keeping a group of active 3 year olds organized. He gathered them up to learn all their names and to give them some instruction. Then they all went to the center of the field and he led them in some stretches and exercises. He had them practicing headers with balloons, running in circles around orange cones and they got some free time just to run around and kick a bunch of balls. For the most part it was constant movement for 45 minutes. Just what this mom wanted! D and I both tried to snap a few photos during class but it was tough due to the constant movement and the safety netting they have up around the field.

You get the idea. It was a nice place but I was bummed there wasn't a little more diversity in the class. However, given the location it wasn't that shocking. This is something I always have running through my mind. We'll have do better if he decides he wants to continue playing soccer. The other unfortunate thing was at the end of class LB was part of a pile on collision and he was at the bottom. He didn't cry and didn't get hurt but he was stunned and it soured him a bit. He told our neighbors, "No me like soccer class. Those kids falled on me." But other than that he truly did have a blast and just yesterday was talking to D about going back to play. After class I have never seen him drink so much water so quickly.

LB and I have done several classes and activities together but there was something special about signing him up for soccer. I think it is just one of those things that I thought about in the years leading up to becoming a mom. I love watching soccer. I love soccer players. My sister claimed the other day that she thinks I have an internal radar for scoping out cute soccer players. So let's face it, I've always wanted to be a soccer mom. It sounds corny and cliched but, for me, it's true. I know that even though LB has a good kick now, that soccer may not be what he wants to do as he gets older. I may end up being a band mom or a baseball mom or a mathlete mom. Who knows? In the end, it doesn't matter. For now I am just loving the time to stand on the side line and cheer for my boy. The boy that I longed for what felt like forever. These are the moments that make me feel like the luckiest person on the planet. So for the next 10 weeks I am going to enjoy it. Every. Single. Moment.

Adventures in Babysitting

Starting this Thursday things will be a little different around the Buster household. I am going to be babysitting for a three month old baby girl. I met the mother through our neighbor and she was looking for someone to watch her baby through the end of the school year. The mother is a teacher and most day cares around here make you pay to hold a spot over the summer, which isn't so accommodating for teachers. She lives just right around the corner from us and my neighbor asked me if I was interested. I thought about it and talked with D and we decided it would be good for LB, nice to have the extra cash and if it's super stressful then it's over at the end of May. I was also excited about the idea of being around a baby again, especially one wearing cute pink outfits. So after the holidays I met the mom and Baby B and we determined we were a good match! We set up two dates to do trial drop offs so that Baby B could start to get used to the smells and sounds (ahem LB) of my house and LB and I could start to get to know Baby B as well. They both went well and LB was much less jealous than I thought he would be. He enjoyed "helping" and was very interested in things like diaper changes and her bottle. I've found that if he feels like he has a job then he is all about it. So I would send him on tasks to find her paci or bring her a book or whatever. He loved that. Baby B has been breastfed so I was a little concerned about how she would do with a bottle but both times I fed her she took them like a champ. Go Baby B! I think LB and Baby B are pretty cute together.

About a week ago, I pulled out a few of my parenting books that focus on the first year of a baby's life. I haven't been in baby mode for a while and LB came home at 7 months so I felt like I needed to do some reading about 3 month olds. LB was about the same weight as Baby B but even though he was behind developmentally on some skills he was very alert and had good head control. I wanted to read about what types of things I should be working with her on so I could tell her mom all the little things she did each day. I started reading The Baby Book by Dr. Sears and flipped to the chapter on 3 month olds. I read about tummy time and how they start vocalizing more. Then I got to the end of the chapter and read this:

By the end of this first stage, baby has learned two fundamental lessons: organization and trust. The fussy period of learning to fit into life outside the womb has subsided and baby knows to whom he belongs. Because his needs have been consistently responded to, he has developed the most powerful infant development stimulator: trust. Based upon an inner feeling of rightness, baby wastes less energy fussing and now diverts this energy into developing skills - called baby competence. Because his cues have been read, he values himself - the beginning of baby's self esteem.

And then I burst into tears. All I could think about was LB and all that he missed at such a critical time in life. Is there anything more vulnerable than a newborn baby? I thought about his first month and all the change and trauma he experienced. I doubt there was much organization or trust building going on in his brain. I can't really let myself think about him crying and no one responding. Thankfully, he made his way to the nannies at our agency at 4 weeks and had their consistent and loving care until he experienced yet another upheaval at 7 months when he became a part of our family. We have some photos of when he first arrived at our agency's care center and they are tucked away because they are so hard to look at. They are a part of his story and they aren't forgotten but they are painful. You can see the fear in his eyes. No baby should have to experience that. Babies should be held and rocked and sung to. I've been talking to LB a lot about Baby B to prepare him and one of the things we talk about is how babies need our help and love. I hope he continues to be my little helper and that we can give Baby B all those things each baby deserves. Cross your fingers (and toes) for me! Or send wine.

And while he still lets me, I am going to squeeze in as much snuggle time as possible with my sweet, not so much baby anymore boy.

LB's First Reward Chart

We've had some tough evenings around these parts. Lots of tears. Not just from LB. When LB turned 2 1/2 he became more of a challenge to put down at night. He started with some stalling and we had some unpleasant evenings. But it would happen for a night or two and then it would get better. And the stalling was mostly limited to "one more hug" or "a little more milk" or "come look at this really big boogie." It dragged out bedtime but it was doable. Well, around his 3rd birthday we had night after night of insane amounts of stalling and then big tantrums when we tried to limit the stalling. I am not a fan of the 'cry it out method' but it felt like he would never go to sleep if we gave in to all his requests. He's also the type of personality that if you do something once then be prepared to always have to do it. He doesn't forget. Anything. There were a few times when I would offer to sit next to his bed to see if he just needed some extra comfort. It may have helped prevent crying and screaming but I felt like my presence served as added stimulation and he would attempt to engage me in conversation. It just seemed to drag it out even more. I sent out some cries for help to a few experienced mama friends and two of them suggested sticker charts with the promise of a reward. I figured it was worth a try. His bed time antics were exhausting me!

Since this was the first time I had introduced a reward system to LB, I wanted to make the chart very visual so there would be no mistaking the intent. Since I am not an artist, I went online and found a photo of a crib that looks like his and a picture of some presents. I put a bunch of smiley face stickers around the bed to symbolize being happy in bed. I gave a lot of thought to how many stickers he would need to earn to get his reward. In the end, we decided 3 stickers was the perfect number. I could explain to him that he needed to earn 3 because he is 3 years old and it wouldn't take too long to earn so that he would stay motivated. So I wrote out the numbers and the plan would be cover the number with a sticker once he earned it.

Full disclosure #1: I showed the sticker chart to LB in the afternoon and explained that if he went to bed happy and calm for 3 nights then he would get a present. I told him no screaming and no throwing friends from his bed. I also explained I would still rub his back and rock him a little bit but when that was done it was time for bed. I thought I did a good job explaining the criteria. Well... he saw the pictures of the presents and wanted the presents "NOW!" It was not pretty. I was ready to throw in the towel and say forget it. Frustrating!!

However, I am always too quick to quit. So I put the chart on top of the fridge and after he had calmed a bit I distracted him and didn't bring it up again until bedtime. At bedtime, I simply told him that I wanted him to go to bed happy and with no screaming so that he could get a sticker in the morning. He did some stalling and D and I had to go up to tend to his "one more" requests a few times but then there was silence. It was glorious. The next 2 nights were even better. I finished rocking him and then reminded him I wanted him to get a sticker in the morning and I walked out of the room. Silence. Ahhhh. So wonderful. I could put him to bed and exhale. It was a treat!

Full Disclosure #2: After he earned his first sticker he also wanted a present "NOW!" But again, I just put the chart out of sight and then didn't bring it up again until later.

So as you can see it wasn't totally perfect but it DID get us to our goal. He earned his present yesterday morning and we started up again last night. He resisted bed time a bit at first but in the end he pulled himself together and fell asleep calm and collected. That's really what it is all about.

Doesn't he look proud? I was proud too. Yay for behavior modification! We're thinking of going ahead and switching him to his big boy bed with the hopes that the promise of a present will encourage him to stay and not wander. Any other tips for the big switch?

Picky Picky

I've written a lot about LB's food issues. If you have a child with oral motor delays or texture sensitivities with food then I have a section on the sidebar that links to all my posts about LB's feeding therapy. Sometimes I get frustrated that he is still so picky about food but he's come a long way and I shouldn't forget that. But I do get discouraged sometimes and feel like the food that he will eat is still so limited. I also worry that we've fallen into some bad habits when it comes to food and I am nervous about trying to break those bad habits.

A few weeks ago, I got an email from Adoptive Families. They have a great magazine and their website is also extremely helpful. The email jumped out at me because the subject line was, "Love Me, Feed Me." Anything food related always peeks my interest. They were offering a free webinar that would be hosted by Dr. Katja Rowell who wrote the book, Love Me, Feed Me: The Adoptive Parent's Guide to Ending the Worry about Weight, Picky Eating, Power Struggles and More. As luck would have it, the webinar was scheduled during LB's typical nap time. I signed up right away.

I just listened to the webinar and am feeling partially like a total failure but also inspired to do a better job. I think my tendency is that I listen to webinars or read articles like this and I get overwhelmed by all the things that I feel like I need to do to improve as a parent. But as I've had a little time to digest the words (no pun intended) and suggestions that I heard I am feeling empowered to try and make a few small changes. I think and hope that trying to make a few small changes and doing them one at a time will set us up for success. My reaction in the past has been to want to make sweeping changes all at once and that always backfires, whether its food or discipline or whatever. But I have come up with two goals for myself when it comes to food and LB.

Goal #1: Offer more foods. It's okay if he doesn't eat them. Offer them anyway with no pressure.

Goal #2: Try and steer away from food grazing. Structure snack time.

Here are my notes and commentary from the webinar and hopefully I can expand a bit on my goals.

Obviously, I was listening more intently when she was discussing picky eaters or small eaters but I think a lot of her advice applies to kids who have food hoarding issues as well. At the beginning, she said there was one main takeaway from the webinar that we should all remember. It is actually pretty enlightening.

Parent's Jobs:
What/When/Where

Child's Job:
How much from what you provide

She said any kind of pushing or pressure will aways backfire whether you are trying to get your kid to eat more or less. They will always do the opposite. Pushing them turns into a power struggle and then mealtimes become stressful and unpleasant. We have always fallen into the 'trying to get our kid to eat more' camp and any attempt at two more bites and then you can get down or anything like that has always backfired. Dr. Rowell suggests ending the 'two more bite' rule or the 'you have to eat x before y' rule. What this piece of advice has offered me as well is that I need to do a better job of offering foods that I know he will initially refuse. And that's okay. I always just make him things I know he will eat or we try and push him to try the things that we are eating. We just need to eat and offer it to him and show him that we are eating and let it be. But he's never going to start eating carrots if I don't put them on his plate. I still like making him smoothies and hiding things like spinach or fruit that he won't eat outside of a smoothie. To me that's different. I will continue with that because at the moment it is my main way of feeding him fruits and vegetables. But I need to offer them in their raw form as well. The other day we made baked sweet potatoes and then D and I loaded them up with salsa and ground turkey and cheese. (Yummy! Thanks Biggest Loser.) D offered his sweet potato to LB and kept asking, "do you want to try this?" LB refused. I am not singling out D. I do this too. What we need to do is give LB his scrambled eggs or pasta, also known as his safe foods, so that he eats but then also put some of the sweet potatoes out as an option. And let it be. Dr. Rowell suggests serving meals family style. My understanding of family style is you put all the offerings in big bowls and then pass them around and everyone gets to choose their share. I like that idea. I think it will be helpful for us when LB is a little older. I am going to tuck that piece of advice away for now. She advises parents to steer away from bribes, threats and rewards when it comes to food. She says to do your job of providing the food and then be pleasant and good company at the table. Then let your child choose the amount. I think we do a good job of giving him his food and then trying to engage him about his day or sing goofy songs as a way to help him enjoy sitting at the dinner table with us. But I will say it again, I must offer him more variety!

Structure is Critical!
I think when it comes to the three main meals we have done a good job of this. LB has breakfast whenever he wakes up, usually around 6:30am. We have lunch around 11:30am and dinner around 5:30pm. We are pretty good about keeping to this schedule. Dr. Rowell says younger kids should be offered food every 2-3 hours. I usually offer LB a mid-morning snack and a post nap snack. BUT I am also really bad about letting him graze. I tend to graze a lot myself and don't eat big meals and I've let LB fall into this routine as well. I also think it is part of our worry that LB doesn't eat enough and that he is small. So we've always taken the stance that if he wants food we will give it to him. But I am going to try and steer him away from that and instead offer filling snacks that will curb his desire to graze. She said that it takes time to tune into hungry cues and full cues so offering this structure with snacks will hopefully help that. Dr. Rowell actually said there are studies that show children will grow less if they are nibbling all day. Ack!

Here is my stress though when it comes to grazing. LB is a slow eater and I know it is a result of his oral motor delays. I have watched other kids LB's age eat at the same time and they all take 4 - 5 bites to every one bite LB takes. He is more deliberate in his chewing and takes smaller bites in general. He will eat a bowl of pasta or a bowl of beans and rice but if we ask him to eat all of it at the table then he'll have to sit there for 45 minutes in order to finish. He isn't stalling (like he does at bed time). He's just slow. Usually he'll sit at the table for about 20 minutes and then ask to get down. Personally, I think that is reasonable for a 3 year old. Most kids his age would be able to finish the serving in that amount of time. But LB gets down and plays and comes back to the table and gets more bites. As I was listening to the webinar, I was feeling guilty about that. But I'm letting that guilt go. He decides when he's done and doesn't ask for more food before bed. I'm okay with that.

Here are some other random notes I wrote down:

*Take away the allure of forbidden food. Put the food out. She even suggests serving dessert with the meal. They don't get seconds of the dessert but it is out as option. She discusses this strategy more in her book. I didn't pay a ton of attention because, thankfully, LB isn't really into sweets.

*If your child struggles with transitions, then create an end of meal ritual. Ex: Have a candle lit at the table and when the meal is done have the child blow it out. Or pass around a warm washcloth to wipe hands at the end of the meal.

*A lot of times a child doesn't want meal time to end not because they are still hungry but because that means they lose the attention of the parents. If both parents go to clean up mode after the meal then the child is on their own. Reduce that stress by all playing a game together right after the meal and then transition to clean up. Or have one parent clean up and the other gives the child undivided attention.

*Involve older children in meal planning to help aid in always having food at the table they will want to eat.

As soon as the call was over, I went to my library's website to put Dr. Rowell's book on reserve. Sadly, they didn't have it. So I decided to go ahead and order it from Amazon because I found her to be so helpful on the webinar. I did find a DVD at our library called, "Kids and Family Food Issues," and it's hosted by Dr. Rowell. Needless to say, I put that on reserve and am eager to get it.

He sure is happy about eggs. Maybe 2013 will be the year he expands his diet? Or not.

I'll keep you posted. 

Art with LB

I thought I would continue with the theme of art. I've never been a crafty person. I don't paint. I can't sew. I am not a photographer. However, I was raised by two people who taught me to appreciate art and that includes not just paintings but sculpture, pottery, photography, etc. This is something I hope to pass on to LB. My mom minored in art history in college and is currently a docent at one of the museums in my hometown. My dad knows a lot about art as does my sister. As a kid I was never quite up to their level of knowledge or appreciation. I remember that my parents would take us to special exhibits at our local museums and a visit to a museum was often on the itinerary when we are on family vacation. When your parents are educators then it's a given that there is always an opportunity to learn something new no matter where you are. I have memories of sitting on those benches in the middle of the room at a museum and feeling impatient (and often cold) while the rest of my family really looked over each piece. It wasn't that I didn't appreciate it but I just didn't have the interest to spend a lot of time studying each painting. I was ready to move on. I'm proud to say that as I aged and matured I spent less time sitting on the benches and learned to enjoy the peacefulness and pleasure that comes from strolling through a museum or gallery.

I don't remember how old I was but I have a very clear memory of going to a Thomas Moran exhibit with my family that contained mostly his paintings of the West. We opted not to get those headphones that tell you about each piece because my dad was able to tell us a lot about the exhibit (and maybe my parents were saving a few bucks to pay for my ice skating lessons). I was standing next to my dad and I think we were looking at a painting of the Grand Canyon and my dad asked, "Do you see that horse there in the distance?" I didn't at first but then was able to see it when my dad pointed it out. He told me that Moran often would paint animals or people into his work and they would be small and hard to see as a way to convey how big our world is and how small we are in relation to nature. I'm pretty sure that was the first time something clicked inside of me and turned art into more than just paintings on the wall. I saw what the artist was trying to convey and I understood it. I finally gained some confidence in the world of the arts.

I took an art history class in college and I don't think I skipped a single class. Not that I skipped a lot but the point is that I enjoyed it. There was something relaxing about having the lights go dim and listening to the click of the slide projector as the professor went through each piece. In 2000, I went to Europe with a friend and we spent a lot of time wandering through various museums and it was fun. I don't think I sat on a single bench. I remember that I bought a print from the gift shop at the Van Gogh museum in Amsterdam and I was excited to hang it in my future apartment. I still have that print and it's one of my favorites.

Even though I specialize in stick figures when it comes to creating art, I've tried to find a way to include include art projects in to my regular repertoire of activities with LB. I have found some great websites that suggest all sorts of fun art projects for toddlers and I just copy their ideas. Two of my favorites are No Time for Flash Cards and Play Create Explore. D's parents got LB a bunch of craft supplies for Christmas and we've been having a lot of fun with them.

I have to work hard at not trying to direct LB too much but to simply present him with the materials and let his own imagination take over. Some days he'll get into whatever it is we are doing and other days he makes a few marks on the paper with a colored pencil and then decides to be "all done coloring." I try to roll with it. A few weeks ago, I set up his easel in the unfinished part of our basement and let him do some watercolors. He did it for a while but he spent half the time putting the brush in the water and then getting some paint on the brush and then putting it back in the water to watch it change color. He kept asking for "more new water." My initial reaction was to be annoyed he was just messing with the water but I reminded myself he was exploring and discovering and that there was value to it.

When my mom was here last week she taught him how to make a collage. He loved ripping the paper and then using his glue to put it on paper. We've done this several times since and he hasn't tired of it.

This winter I got a membership to our city's conservatory. You wouldn't think it would be a place that could entertain a three year old but LB loves it. He can walk around freely and there is all sorts of stuff to look at and explore. In the spring they have a butterfly exhibit. In the room with the butterflies they have a Chihuly sculpture on permanent display. Even though LB has seen it several times, whenever we turn the corner and can see it he always says, "Wow!" I love it. There is such a sense of wonder in his voice.

Fingers crossed that he never loses the "wow" and stays off the cold benches.

To Be Read in October

An idea came to me a few days ago and I thought I would share it here. LB had just thrown a big tantrum about wanting to go downstairs and play after his bath. Our typical routine is that we do bath, books and bed. It's what we've done ever since he came home. Some weekend nights if we are with friends a little late then the bath gets skipped but 90% of the time that is our routine. LB knows it well. However, over the holidays we really went lax with a lot of our routines, not just bed time. I am confident a lot of parents do. And I think (and hope for LB's case) that as kids get older letting go of those routines over holidays and breaks can be easier. But for us transitioning back to our regular routines has been tough.

As a first time mom I have no reference point as to what other kids are like on a day to day basis. I don't see my friend's kids during bed times or nap times or what it's like to get them out the door in the morning. I only know LB. And he is a kid that if he does something once a certain way then usually he insists on doing it that way again. Do you know what I mean? For example, one of the first days we went to preschool the parking lot guard put his orange stick on LB's belly and and let him push the button on the stick that makes it light up. As thrilled as LB was to see it light up, I remember thinking to myself that now he will want to do it every time. Yep, every week he asks if he can push the button. In this case, he handles it well and doesn't get mad if he can't but he never forgets to ask. I find that we avoid meltdowns if LB knows what is expected. I hope I am not sounding like a super rigid mom. Maybe I am? But I do believe that toddlers find comfort in knowing what the limits are and what comes next. I kind of forgot that over the holidays. Okay, I promise I am getting to my idea.

As I was brainstorming some ways to make the post-holiday transition easier, I realized there were a few other things about the break that I would do differently if granted the opportunity. Let me say, we had a wonderful Christmas! I have so many great memories from this year. LB's age made it truly magical and I suspect next year will be even more fun. LB overall handled all the stimulation and mixed up routines quite well. But oh my, this transition. It's getting the best of me. I realize we are not always going to do things perfectly or anticipate everything. That's asking too much of ourselves and as Anne Lamott says, "Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people." I believe that to be true. But I also believe in "live and learn." I can say confidently that we did a lot of things well. So here was my idea. I wrote a letter to myself. That's it. That was my big idea. (You are probably thinking you stuck around for nothing.) I tucked it away in our desk drawer and then I put a reminder on my calendar for October to read it. In the reminder, I noted where I put the letter because I am sure future me will forget that detail. I made a list of what I thought we did well and what I would do differently. I didn't hold back. I included some parts about our drive there and back that I thought worked nicely. There is no way I will remember all this stuff ten months from now when it's time to plan Christmas 2013. But now it is all fresh in my mind. It felt good and productive to write everything down. I was proud of myself.

We also have the added layer of LB's birthday a few weeks after Christmas. That was another impetus for writing the letter. I think we can make some tweaks to our schedule that will help. But I am finding that the closeness in dates makes managing gifts and stimulation overload very tricky. I don't want LB to feel like his birthday got swallowed up by Christmas. I want him to be and feel celebrated. However, it's tricky, especially at this age when he just discovering the joy of new toys. If any of you out there have advice in managing birthdays close to Christmas then I am all ears!

Finally, I have to vent to about another big mistake we made? TV/Ipad time. Wow, did it get out of control and now going back to setting limits has been UGLY. But I feel like, what is the point of staying home with my kid if he is watching a lot of TV? I give myself credit for making sure we have something to do every morning that gets us out of the house and interacting with the three dimensional world but afternoons and evenings have been tough. He has all these new toys yet he wants to spend so much of his time watching airplanes on Youtube or Finding Nemo. We got Nemo for Christmas and LB LOVES it. It's adorable to hear him repeat lines like, "Are you my conscience?" and "Wow, that's a really big butt." However, it's out of control. Did you let go of screen time limits over the holidays? If so, any ideas for getting out of that funk. If you didn't, then I applaud you!

So that was my great idea. A simple letter to be read in October. Here's to hoping future me will listen to present me. 

"You Are What They Need."

Earlier this summer, I attended a parenting workshop at my friend's church. It was about dealing with your own fears as a parent and with your kid's fears. This workshop was designed for me. I've been known to let my fears and anxiety get the best of me and LB is definitely not one of those fearless kids. It always makes me shake my head when I see a kid LB's age or even younger at a park climbing up high or going down a twisty, tunnel slide and the parent says, "he's fearless." That has not been my experience as a parent at all. LB is very thoughtful, cautious and aware of his surroundings. He often needs encouraging and pushing to try something new. He's an observer. He just started going down the twisty slides, "all by me self." The woman who ran the workshop told us she wanted us to remember to this one thing she was going to say. And if we didn't take away anything else from the session that was fine but we needed to hold on to this one thing. "You are what they need." She repeated it several times. "You are what they need." It really hit home with me. It's so easy to get overwhelmed and over think every situation. Keep it simple. I need that reminder over and over again.

I don't know about you but one of the parts about being a parent that perplexes me the most is when to push LB to try something he is afraid of and when to hold back. D has told me the story of his first soccer game several times. His mom was the coach and D did not want to go out on the field. In the end, his mom essentially had to drag him out on to the field to play. Soccer ended up being a huge part of D's life and he played all through college. Perhaps if his mom hadn't dragged him out on the field he would have worked up the courage on his own a few weeks or months later and everything still would have worked out. Who knows? But the point is that I think D looks back on that as a moment when he was grateful that his mom wouldn't take no for an answer and wouldn't let his fears win.

As an adoptive parent, I feel that I have had to put in the extra effort for LB to know that he is safe. We weren't there for him during those important early months of development. We weren't there to meet his every need as an infant and to develop what Dr. Purvis calls, "felt safety." In the first several months that we brought LB home we were the only ones to feed LB, put him to sleep, change his diaper, etc. He didn't understand with our words that we were his parents so we had to show him through our actions. I think that idea of "felt safety" is always at the back of my mind, which puts me more often than not in the don't push him category of dealing with fears. But it's a constant question running through my mind and I have a feeling that it never goes away, even when your kids are grown and out of the house.

When my parents were here in August we took LB to the zoo one day. They have a merry go round and LB usually shows interest in doing it. However, when you get close and in line he starts to back off and say he doesn't want to do it. The past couple of times I have convinced him to do it but he insists that we sit on the bench and not on a horse. When we went to the zoo with D's parents and LB's cousins over a year ago he got on the horse no problem. I am not sure if that is because his cousins did it so he felt like he needed to or if he just didn't have the maturity to be skeptical. However, ever since then he has refused to ride on the horse. This most recent visit was no different. We got in line, he didn't want to do it and I convinced him to sit on the bench.

As we went around and around, I talked to him about the horses. I explained they were nice and just went up and down. I also thought of what the woman said at the parenting workshop and so I said to him over and over, "Mommy keeps you safe." We finished, he said he had fun and we went to check out the gorillas. As we were walking back, we passed the merry go round again. LB said he wanted to do it and that he wanted to ride the horse. I assumed we would get close and he would change his mind. My mom said she would do it with him and he continued to say he wanted to ride the horse. So my mom put him on the horse and he smiled. A really big, proud smile. My mom said that he told her, "Me so happy." Needless to say, as they went around and around and LB waved and smiled at me each time, I cried and cried. I was so proud of him. I know it may seem minor but to watch him conquer something he's been wanting to do but was afraid of was truly magical.

There have been a few other instances since then when I've told him that, "Mommy keeps you safe." And he always repeats back to me, "Same as the merry go round." Clearly, it was just as big of a moment for him as it was for me. 

"You are what they need." 

A Mom Moment

My mom likes to tell the story of when she was working the evening shift at the library one night and my dad brought my sister and me downtown to visit her. She worked on the third floor of the main library and when we got to the top of the stairs my younger sister saw my mom sitting at the reference desk and made a beeline for her yelling, "Mommy!!!" My mom scooped her up and gave her a big hug. It was one of those moments that you dream about as you are in the waiting stage to be a mom. For some of us, that waiting stage can go on for quite some time and for others there isn't much waiting at all but I think you dream about those moments no matter what.

I had one of those moments a few weeks ago. We were invited to one of LB's friend's birthday party. His buddy, M, was also adopted from Ethiopia and was turning three. His parents set up a bunch of kiddie pools in their backyard and a big water slide and the kids ran about in their swimsuits playing in the water. It was a quintessential summer birthday party. After the kids had worn themselves out with all the water play, M's mom brought out the cupcakes so everyone could sing "Happy Birthday." I wrapped LB up in his towel and he sat in my lap. As everyone started singing, I realized that I was having one of those mom moments. I was sitting in the grass on a perfect summer evening and had my little, wet and shivering two year old all bundled in my lap. He loves the "Happy Birthday" song so he was all smiles and seemingly content as we sat in the grass and ate cupcakes. LB isn't really into sweets so he just took a few licks of the icing and then put an end to my moment. But it was so wonderful to allow life to stand still for a few minutes. I looked around, gave LB a little squeeze and let it all wash over me. I'm so grateful.

"Let us be silent, that we may hear the whisper of God."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Current Reads

I've picked out some good books at the library recently so I thought I would share. I know this is very common but LB definitely gets hooked on certain books and then only wants to read those for weeks on end. It can get a little old but luckily I really enjoy the books he is currently obsessed with. We'll see if the obsession ends before these books are due. If not, I may have to actually pay for them.

It will come as no surprise that his two favorites are airplane books. They are both all about going to the airport, checking in, getting on the plane and taking off. LB reenacts these airport scenes with his fleet of airplanes all day long so getting to see pictures of planes that are "sleeping" at the gates and "going up in the sky" is very satisfying for him.

If we can convince him to stray from the airplane books then he is usually more than happy to read "Shades of People" by Shelley Rotner or "Please, Baby, Please" by Spike Lee. I really think "Shades of People" should be a must read for all little kids because it explains that we are all a little different on the outside but that doesn't mean anything. LB's favorite part is when the pictures show "that even the same family there can be many shades." It's especially cute when the three of us are reading this book before bed and he'll make a point to say that we are a family. Heart = melt. "Please, Baby, Please" is a cute book about a baby that does everything she isn't supposed to do and LB likes shaking his head at the baby, even though he, of course, does a lot of the same things. I like that the baby has brown skin. I find that I have to make an effort to find books with more of a multi-racial cast of characters.

My sister got him a really great book called, "Sheep in a Jeep." LB thinks it is hilarious and it's rhyming so he can "help" me read it. Before the airplane book obsession he really liked two books by the same author, Todd Parr. The librarian at my mom's library recommended them and LB enjoyed "The Peace Book" and "The Family Book," which also explores the fact that all families are different and that's okay. Some people have large families or families with two mommies or some families adopt kids. Todd Parr also has a book all about adoption and I checked it out from the library but wasn't a big fan. I just didn't like some of his wording. I am sure I was being picky but I can't help it. I was a little worried when we had to return the two Todd Parr books but he handled it gracefully. One of my favorite bloggers, Rage Against the Minivan, recently did a post about a situation her adopted son faced on the playground. Another child basically was questioning her son about his "real mom" and that his mom couldn't possibly be since they didn't match. She had it published on The Huffington Post and actually got some negative feedback. The premise of her post was to ask other parents to talk to their kids about how families are different and that not all families will look like their's. It seems like a pretty simple and necessary thing to talk about and I think children's books are a great way to start. Reading a book like "Shades of People" or "The Family Book" is an easy way to bring this topic up for discussion, even with a two year old. I am so incredibly nervous about those playground moments. But I'm doing my best to worry about today and not several years from now. Let me rephrase that, I am doing my best not to worry. Ha! Okay, the first sentence was more accurate.

There you have it. That's what we're reading. Any suggestions?

His Favorite

I've neglected to post about LB's other big obsession these days. Airplanes. He has always loved spotting airplanes in the sky and talking about how they go "up up up and down down down." When the plane is taxing down the runway he says it is "running fast." But lately this like for airplanes has grown into a love for airplanes. My mom got him a little airplane and so did my dad's stepsister. He carries those two planes almost everywhere. One for each hand. If we leave the house and forget his airplanes then it is not a pretty scene. He likes to have them just in case we see an airplane so that he can hold his little one up and say "two airplanes!" It's pretty darn cute. If we see anyone while we are out and he has his airplanes he will tell them "airplanes me's favorite." If you know him or you're a complete stranger, he will let you know that they're "me's favorite." We were at the park a few weeks ago and LB was making sure everyone around us knew about the airplane up in the sky. There happened to be a man walking by and he told me that I should take LB to the Ohio State airport. He said there was a restaurant, an observation tower and that you could pull right up to the runway and watch planes take off and land. I knew we had to do it. So the following Saturday we met friends there for breakfast and plane watching and LB was in heaven! Thank goodness for that stranger at the park. (Not a sentence I thought I would ever say.) We spent two and a half hours there that morning. A young man working there noticed LB and his buddy at the fence and would wave every time he drove by, which they loved. At one point he came over to the fence and let LB and his friend hold those orange sticks they use to guide the planes to the gate. He then took us into one of the hangars where they store a lot of planes and LB got to touch them and look inside at the cockpit. So amazing! When we had to leave the hangar, LB insisted on kissing one of the airplanes goodbye. So sweet. I think the guy who was working there saw himself in LB and really wanted to make it special.

I love that he is clinging to his airplane in this photo. It seems like such a quintessential boy moment. The only bummer of the morning is that he DID NOT want to leave. He basically sobbed the whole way home and kept saying, "one more time airplane" through his heaving sobs. It was heartbreaking. He finally stopped crying when we were about 5 minutes from home and exclaimed, "So fun. Airplanes me's favorite." Totally worth it.

I was telling my friend about this and that I wished he hadn't sobbed the whole way home because it made me nervous about taking him back. She then taught me one of the greatest parenting lines ever. I will now pass it along to you. "If you leave happy then we can come back." You are welcome. I have used this line on several occasions over the past few weeks and it works like a charm. We were leaving a park with a huge, awesome sandbox and LB didn't want to go home. He started to get whiny and I told him, "If we leave happy then we can come back again to play in the sand." He repeated back to me, "Leave happy. Come back." I affirmed that he was right and he stopped with the whining. It's like magic! 

This morning I thought it was the perfect day to go back to the OSU airport. The weather was in the 70s and it was sunny so I figured it would be ideal conditions for lots of airplane action. I told him we could go to the airport but he had to promise to leave happy. He got super excited because he has been begging to go back. Thankfully, I was right about the conditions and it was a steady stream of take offs and landings all morning. The second time around did not disappoint. And then it was time to go and I told him again that we needed to leave happy so we could come back. What did he do? He said, "Bye bye airplanes. See you later. Have a good sleep." And we left without a tear. Success.

A Big Step

I took a big step today. I should clarify that the step was big for me. I contacted a babysitter. Feel free to laugh at me for being so dramatic. But it's been something I have been wanting to do but have been fearful of doing for a long time. I realize that I am incredibly grateful to even have this fear because I've been able to stay at home with LB. I know the majority of moms after a period of time have to go back to work. That fact is not lost on me. I'm not sure if my fear of leaving him with a sitter is at all connected to the fact that he joined our family at 7 months old instead of 1 day old. My only experience as a mom is the one I've had with him. It's impossible for me to know if I would be this cautious if we had brought him home from the hospital. I knew that in his first year home D and I would have limited opportunity to go out on dates. Not only because we felt he wouldn't be ready in terms of attachment but because we don't have family in town. D's parents are only an hour away but it isn't like they live around the corner. And my parents are 13 hours away. We've been lucky in that whenever my mom visits she always encourages us to go out. LB is extremely comfortable with her and I could leave without a single worry and know that he would feel safe and comfortable. But we are coming up on LB's two year adoption day anniversary and I could probably count on my hands the number of times D and I have been out just the two of us. I don't want to come off like a complete mommy martyr because I've certainly had my fair share of girl's night out evenings and other opportunities like yoga classes to have some time to myself or with girlfriends. D has done guy's night outs as well but there is something to be said for time away as a couple.

One thing that I think has helped lessen the blow of not going out has been LB's early bedtime. The information we got from the nannies at LB's foster home was that he went to bed at 7pm. So when we brought him home we stuck with that early bedtime. After he was asleep then D and I would have dinner just the two of us and it felt a lot like our life pre-LB. It gave us time to talk about our day and relax. We continued that early bed time for quite some time and just recently did he start transitioning to an 8pm bedtime. My mom was in town the past couple of days so D and I went out Saturday night. We had a gift certificate to a fancy restaurant and we had such a wonderful time eating our food at a leisurely pace and just enjoying each other's company. LB will be two and a half in a week and his language skills are exploding. We are at a point where I can tell him that "we are leaving for a little bit but will be back soon" and I'm confident that he understands. That ability to communicate gives me peace of mind. The other thing that gives me peace of mind is LB's love of teenage girls. No joke. He develops crushes pretty quickly. About 2 months ago there was a 13 year old girl at the park who was really great with the little kids. LB just followed her around with the biggest grin on his face and he is still talking about her even though we only met her once. The babysitter that I am hoping to use is a very mature 16 year old girl. We know her dad really well as he finished our basement and they live just a few blocks away. There is a ten year age difference between her and her younger sister so she has first hand experience with all things toddler. The first time LB met her it was clear he was smitten. Yes, we know we are in deep trouble considering he is already girl crazy at the tender age of two. I know she will be wonderful with LB and that he'll love spending time with her.

D has a birthday coming up and we've been invited to a few weddings later this summer and truthfully it would be nice to have the ability to go have a beer or two with D on a random Saturday night. I also have been thinking about signing LB up for a mom's day out program at a nearby pre-school, which would be one morning a week, this fall. So it's time to start testing the waters of leaving him with someone other than mom, dad or a grandparent. He's a social kid so I think I need to give him a little more credit.

Wish me luck. I'll need it.

Feeling Sappy

*Update: I wrote this post on Friday afternoon but still needed to add some photos so I didn't publish it. Then that night around dinner time we had severe weather and lost power. Then the power came back on. And then it went off again. We got power restored on Monday night and hopefully it's now on for good. Needless to say the stress of the power situation made me feel not so sappy. More like hot and sticky and annoyed. But I don't want to diminish how I was feeling in that moment so I am publishing it anyway. I know that today I should be feeling sappy for my freedom but truthfully I am feeling sappy about the air conditioning and a working fridge and long naps. Just keeping it real.

I'm not entirely sure what triggered this but I have been feeling especially sappy about my boy this week. Of course, I am always amazed by how much joy he brings me but I have been stopped in my tracks on several occasions this week with an overwhelming feeling of gratitude. We've had a fun week together and it's worth noting that bunny did not have to spend any time on the fridge for 5 days in a row. That's a record! I am sure since I am mentioning it bunny will spend all day tomorrow on the fridge. Naturally there have been moments when his behavior has started to go down hill but the idea of bunny going bye bye has really helped him. And don't get me started on how trying bedtime has been recently but overall it's been an exceptionally great week.

Sunday night we met several other adoptive families at one of the local Ethiopian restaurants and I think LB sat in his seat at the table for at least an hour. Another record! He even ate a lot of food, which he doesn't often do when there are a lot of distractions. I posted a photo of my meal on facebook and another adoptive mom commented that she couldn't believe just a few years ago she and her husband had no idea what they were missing. That comment struck a chord with me. I am not sure I would have ever tried Ethiopian food or had the opportunity to experience the hospitality of the Ethiopians who work there if we had never decided to adopt. The owner of the restaurant reserved a section of the restaurant for several of us and arranged for a buffet. He let the kids run all over the place after the meal and one of the waitresses told me how much she loves having the kids and our families there.  They even did a coffee ceremony for us. It's nice to have little moments when you can drink the same beer that we did in Ethiopia and smell the same smells and just soak in the nostalgia of a place that you love and miss. Perhaps it was then that the sappiness set in?

As I mentioned above, we've had some bedtime sleeping issues. We've been lucky in that LB has always been relatively easy to put to bed but the past couple of weeks he's been fighting it. Not sure if it is because it is still really light until 9:30 or his room has been a little warm or a stage or what. But one night he had been tossing and turning for a while and then eventually got frustrated and he called out for us. I went into his room and asked him if he would like me to rock for him a little bit and sing songs. He did so we cuddled up in his rocking chair and he made song requests. At one point I was singing "Somewhere over the Rainbow" and he had his cheek on my chest and I was so happy to have that moment of skin to skin closeness. He looked up at me and we just stared and smiled at each other while I sang. It was a brief moment but I relished it. Of course, I also really wanted him to fall asleep so I could go back to watching the Olympic Trials but I also recognized that those moments of rocking together are dwindling as he gets older. Perhaps it was then that the sappiness set in?

We had two great play dates with LB's buddy, T, this week. T came home a few weeks after LB and his mom and I relied on each other a lot during the wait, in our first few months as moms and even now as we are raising active, two year old boys. Monday we went to the conservatory where they have a butterfly exhibit. We took the boys last year on Earth Day but they were both just starting to walk and were probably a bit young to really enjoy what they were seeing. But this year they were really into it. At one point I managed to get a butterfly to chill on my finger and I wish I could have captured the initial look on LB's face. I am pretty sure I scored some cool mom points. 

The conservatory also has a really great fish pond and some other great things for little kids. LB had a blast. Perhaps it was then that the sappiness set in?

On Thursday, T's mom had a photo shoot so I watched T for her. The boys did awesome together! I love that they are starting to move away from parallel play and actually interact with each other. They were both very concerned about the other boy's comfort item. For LB it is his bunny and blankey and T has a small blankey that he calls "bear yaya." LB was always keeping an eye out for "bear yaya" and any time T dropped it LB would go get it for him. At one point we had a potential for a fight over matchbox cars but I told the boys that the blue car should always be T's and LB would get the orange one. They were both agreeable to this arrangement and at one point LB forgot about it and T picked up the orange one and said, "LB need this." It was super cute. 

They danced to Hoya Hoye,

pretended to be centipedes,

and shared matchbox cars.

Perhaps it was then that the sappiness set in?

All I know is that it doesn't get much cuter than this.