Time-Out

A little over a month ago, I decided it was time to start time-outs with LB. I know it seems early but he was ready. Trust me. When we are at home he is 90% of the time very sweet and just wants to play and explore. However, around his first birthday he started with some of the typical toddler behavior. It seemed a little early to me but he is clever so I shouldn't have been surprised. When he was a little younger he would do stuff like put the remote in his mouth and I would tell him no. Then he would look at me and start to do it again. He was beginning to test me. Usually though I could just take it away and that was that. Out of sight. Out of mind. Then he went through this little phase that when I told him no he would hit me. Oh my, I was not happy about that new development. I would tell him no and he would do it again. That was when I started the time-outs. My logic was that if he is smart enough to test me then he is smart enough to understand time-out. I always warn him that if the hitting or screaming or whatever happens again then it's a time-out. At first he definitely didn't understand what was happening but he caught on quickly. I am happy to say that the hitting rarely happens anymore. His biggest behavior issue now is the screaming. Yesterday morning he wanted to play with one of the cords behind the TV. I am a mean mom and don't let him do this. He screamed in protest and I told him no. When he did it again I told him that it would be a time-out if he screamed again. He stopped screaming. Yay! It has happened on several occasions now that after the warning he'll stop. It is glorious! Since he is still so young the time-out is usually only 30 seconds - 1 minute. I also have us kiss and hug after the time out and he seems okay. I really did not think I would be doing time-outs with LB before he started walking. We have entered the toddler phase without the toddling. (Although I think he will be walking soon.)

I am at a bit of a loss of what to do when he misbehaves and we are in public. I have to say that when we run errands together he does great. He likes riding in the shopping cart and so far I haven't had any trouble in that arena. Also, he does well with outdoor activities and tolerates his stroller for a long period of time. However, if we are at a loud and bustling restaurant or an indoor play space that is when we have more trouble. It seems to me that he gets overstimulated in those environments pretty quickly and that he is intimidated by bigger kids. Last week we were at the play cafe we go to a lot and he hit his buddy, T. I told him no and he screamed. I can't really do a time out in that environment. Or can I? LB understands a lot but I don't think I can say something like, "when we are home you will go straight to time-out" because that is too advanced. My gut reaction was to just walk outside with him, which I did. It didn't really help so in the end I decided we should just leave. It was a bummer.

I also have to say that I never thought I would be very good at discipline. My mom would joke that from observing us with our dog that it was pretty clear D would be the disciplinarian. D will yell at the dog for something and she usually comes running to me. It's kinda funny. I guess since I am home with LB all day it makes sense that I have to step up to that role. I'm patting myself on the back.

Okay, no more discipline talk. He is still a sweet, lovable boy!

Mr. Giggles

It is a cold, nasty day here in Ohio. So here is something to improve your mood. We have Aunt Abby to thank as she was the one making LB laugh. Apparently peek-a-boo with some word variation is quite funny. Enjoy!

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Unexpected Questions

Before Ezra came home I read about lots of crazy questions random strangers would ask parents that had adopted transracially. I started to prepare myself for when people would ask me stuff like, "is he your's?" I am shocked to say that in the seven months we have been home with Ezra I haven't received any questions like that. Zero. I have received a few intrusive questions about his background but even those questions have been few and far between. When we first came home I remember going into grocery stores and practically bracing myself for what I considered to be the inevitable. I am sure those questions will come and actually Kevin Hofmann, a transracial adoptee, wrote a blog post recently about the grocery store questions that I found to be very helpful. I recommend clicking over and reading his post. We do get a lot of comments about Ezra. One of the bazillion things I love about Ezra is that he brings out a smile in anyone. Anywhere I go people just look at him and smile. It always happens! We get a lot of comments like, "what a cutie" or "look at those eyes." Most people just say something nice and then go on their way. There are two questions that we get asked very frequently and they are not what I expected.

Popular Question #1:

How old is she? Yes, you read that correctly. She. A lot of people mistake Ezra for a girl. I would be lying if I said it didn't bother me a little bit. I don't know why it bothers me but it does. He is certainly very cute and I suppose some people think super cute equals girl. A woman who made that mistake recently told me it was the eyes. His eyelashes are long. I suppose another reason is that I dress him in a lot of bright colors. I think he looks good in yellow and orange and green. But I don't think I dress him girlie. Who knows. To me he looks very boyish.

Popular Question #2:

This one needs a little background. During the week I often meet up with my friend, Amy, and her son, Tesfa. I would say we try and see each other about once a week. Tesfa was also adopted from Ethiopia and he is about 2 months younger than Ezra. Even though Tesfa is younger they are about the same size. I have lost count as to how many times we have been asked this question:

Are they twins? If you click here you can go over to Amy's blog and see a picture of Tesfa. Are you back? Just in case you forgot what Ezra looks like (ha!) here is a recent picture.

Okay, so in other peoples' defense I will concede that they are both brown, cute and the same size. Ezra told me he is flattered that people think he looks like Tesfa. I agree.

However, in my opinion they don't look like twins! I really think that people ask that question because they are trying to figure out why two white women are out with two brown babies. Right? The scenario they come up with in their head is that they must be twins. So what does that make Amy and me? Sisters? Partners? (The most recent time this happened Amy told me that she came very close to calling me, "honey." That is one of the many reasons Amy is so awesome - her sense of humor!) Amy and I usually laugh it off but it is sad in a way that people can't expand their mind. To be fair, maybe a few years ago I would have made that assumption too. Adoption is probably not at the forefront of people's minds. That's okay. But I think the next time we get asked this question my response will be, "why do you ask?" Is that mean? Am I over-analyzing the situation? (It's been known to happen.) What do you think?

Spring Break

My sister and dad were both on spring break this week so my family met up in my sister's lovely city for several days. Sadly, Damon couldn't come so it was my first time to fly solo with Ezra. It was no easy task! Luckily the flight was only one hour so I just kept telling myself that if he freaked out then it would just be for an hour. On the way there he did great. As we were getting ready to land I could tell he was getting a little fidgety. I looked over at him and he did the sign for "all done." It was hilarious! I taught him that sign for food purposes but he uses it for a lot of things. He does it when he is bored with a certain toy or when he is ready to get out of the bath. I think it is pretty clever of him. I was ready to be done with the flight too so I understood how he felt. He was a bit of a mess on the flight back but it was close to bedtime and he hadn't really napped that day so I knew I was in for it when we boarded. We both survived and the look he gave Damon when we walked through security was priceless. He almost looked surprised to see him but was so excited that his "Dada" was there. I know it made Damon's day.

Thankfully my sister took several photos so here are a few of the highlights.

Ezra experienced his first carousel ride at the zoo. To say that he was skeptical would be an understatement.

We went to a lot of delicious restaurants and Ezra did great. One night we went for sushi and Ezra was very interested in a five year old little girl at the next table. He kept trying to get her attention but she was not amused. Hilarious.

One of the days we were there it snowed. Boo! So we had to come up with some indoor activities. Ezra's really into shredding paper these days. Aunt Abby was a very good sport and let Ezra go to town with some paper in her apartment. Whatever it takes.

In the afternoon we went to a kid's museum and Ezra got to steer the boat. They also had a room with mirrors on all sides and he loved seeing himself in triplicate!

Of course, there was lots of time for snuggles with Grandma Kathy.

And he did manage to squeeze in a few naps in between all the fun!

Wordless Wednesday

**Updated: Oh my!!! Just realized that it is not Wednesday. Oh well. I am leaving it because it shows how my brain is currently functioning! HA HA!! He is still cute no matter what day it is!

No Joy for Soy

It has been a rough few days here in the Buster household. Unfortunately, Ezra's belly did not enjoy the joy of soy as I had hoped. His poor little GI system is having such a tough time. After talking with Ezra's doctor yesterday we have decided to switch him back to his formula. Another adoptive mom had suggested this to me and I think it is for the best. The past few days he was in so much pain and I hated that there wasn't much I could do to help him in the short term. He did start saying "Mama" pretty consistently but it was hard to celebrate since he did it while squeezing my neck in pain. Luckily, he seems to be on the mend and last night was acting like his normal, goofy self as he pretended to sneeze. I kept saying "bless you" in a high pitched voice and I think he thought it was funny. Damon and I were both laughing pretty hard at Ezra's fake sneezes.

Last Friday I took Ezra to the adoption clinic for his 6 month follow-up and all the nurses there remembered him from when we first brought him home. (at least they told me they did.) They were impressed with how well he mimics and how much he seems to understand. I love that at our adoption clinic a lot of the nurses and aids have adopted themselves. One of the nurse practitioners was holding him while I put my coat on and Ezra was reaching for me. She commented how great it was that he preferred me. Most people outside of adoption circles don't usually notice that attachment stuff so it's nice that they are in the know. Side note: Have I mentioned that I think nursing is probably one of the most under appreciated professions? I really think I need to write an ode to nurses. The nurses at the adoption clinic and at our pediatrician's office have so wonderful and even with my own medical stuff I have consistently encountered nurses that I would consider to be angels. Thank you nurses of the world for being so amazing!

The bummer part about the results from his trip the clinic is that it looks like Ezra may have to do a 9 month antibiotic treatment as a precaution for a dormant TB germ. I was pretty upset when the nurse told me Ezra will have to get a chest xray. The thought of him being in a white tube by himself and not having any idea what is going on makes me want to cry. I know it will be over fast but Ezra does not even like it when they take his temperature. It will be an ugly couple of minutes for him and for me. I know there are far worse things so I will put my brave face on for him and maybe find a new toy to give him when it is over.

Adding to my frail emotions this week, there are some rumors swirling around about possible changes in Ethiopia regarding inter-country adoption. If you are not entrenched in the Ethiopian adoption community then you may not have heard about this. Basically the government ministry that oversees adoptions in Ethiopia is talking about drastically reducing the number of cases they would process a day resulting in major slow downs. My understanding is that government officials are meeting this week to discuss these changes. As I was telling my mom about these rumors over the weekend, I had to fight to hold back tears. There is absolutely the need for reform and there are most certainly agencies that are not acting in the best interest of all parties involved. It makes my stomach hurt knowing that birth families have been deceived. However, I hope the government can come to a resolution that will allow adoptions to move forward in an ethical manner without such drastic slow downs. The emotions of the adoption process are still very raw for me. This time last year we were anxiously awaiting our referral. There is a reason anxious is in bold. I was a mess. I can only imagine the fear and doubt that is creeping into the minds of families currently in process. I am trying to hold on to hope for them, the children and the people of the Ethiopia. Selfishly, I can't help but think of the diminished possibility of bringing home another son or daughter that shares Ezra's culture and ethnicity.

Here is a link to a sign a petition.

http://www.gopetition.com/petition/43714.html

Tuesday Tangents

Ezra has cut his second tooth. His little grin is even more cute to me now. I may be regretting that I said the teething process doesn't seem to be bothering him. He has not napped well the past couple of days and last night he woke up at midnight crying. I suppose it could have been a nightmare but his napping issues during the day seemed to point to teething. Or maybe it was stomach problems. I wish he could tell me.

Ezra is starting to get really good at pulling himself up on things. You can tell once he has reached the standing position that he is so pleased with himself. He flashes you a great grin and gets all excited. He has reached a stage when all he wants to do is stand or walk. However he can't stand on his own unless he has something to hold on to and he definitely can't take steps independently yet. This means that I am getting a pretty good workout. My mom told me my jeans are going to have holes in the knees pretty soon. I am glad he is wanting to do these things but it wears me out! Too bad my birthday is still 6 months away because I know I would be asking for gift certificates for a massage.

It is possible that Ezra looked at me this morning and said, "Mama." It totally took me off guard so I can't say for sure. He has been babbling the "Ma" sound a lot recently but he has never addressed me with that term. Stay tuned.

I have started brainwashing teaching Ezra about politics. Too early? Perhaps. However, what I am teaching him is very cute. He hasn't quite perfected it yet but when he does I promise to post a video. No matter what your politics, I promise it will make you smile.

Ezra and I went to a 1st birthday party this past weekend for one of my friend's daughters. I was talking with the birthday girl's grandma and she was asking me some questions about Ezra. And then she said something incredibly refreshing. She told me, "You guys are so blessed to have Ezra." Yes! Usually people say the opposite and tell us how lucky Ezra is that we adopted him. I know the intentions are kind and they are just trying to pay us a compliment. However, it always makes me cringe. I know a lot of adoptive moms write about this and how hard it is to respond to that comment. I am glad Ezra isn't able to understand those words yet. The circumstances that led to his adoption are far from lucky. I don't want him to ever feel he owes us extra gratitude. He made me a mom and Damon a dad. We are the grateful ones. I also know that as an adoptive mom I am much more in tune with the loss that leads to adoption and I don't expect everyone to get that. Heck, I am sure before adoption was on my radar screen I may have said the same thing to an adoptive parent. So it was just so wonderful to have someone recognize how we feel.

Two years ago today my Grandma Virgina passed away. I have been thinking about her a lot this morning and what she would have to say about Ezra. My Grandma was well known for using superlatives a lot in her speech. Everything was always the best, most, funniEST, etc. Perhaps she would have said he is the most expressive baby ever or he has the biggest eyes. At some point when I was in high school my Grandma put together a folder for me with photos and descriptions of all the things she was doing when she was my age. I think it was a way to show me how some things had changed yet others remained constant. She was always teaching. I used that as inspiration for an assignment in a creative writing class in high school. It was the one poem my teacher, who was known for being a tough grader, gave me an "A." My mom recently found the poem and sent it to me. I thought it would be fun to share.

I sit on the cold hard floor

of my grandma's attic

photo albums surrounding me.

Yellow faded pages crinkle with every slight touch,

each black and white picture carefully dated.

I turn page after page,

delicately,

hardly blinking.

Grandma and Great Uncle Ross

playing marbles - 1921

Creating obstacles

with furniture, twigs, and utensils.

Ballroom dancing lessons - 1928

Face Flushed

Stuck with a short toe stepper

Stumbling through the fox trot.

Thanksgiving dinner - 1930

cutting carrots and potatoes

Being helpful.

Standing outside Border Star School - 1931

Alice on one side, June on the other

Dressed in kimonos

Chrysanthemums in their hair

She is my age - 1935

Packing her Royal Typewriter and Atwater Kent Radio

Off to an all girls' college in Boston.

She smiles,

eyes filled with hope,

suitcases full of promises.

Lastly, a photo for you as the final tangent of the day.

As my grandma would have said, the cutEST.