Return - To Last Year

On this last day of September, I thought it would be fun to share photos of LB that were taken this time last year. A nice way to round out my September walk down memory lane. We had been home with LB for a little over a month. I remember feeling like D and I were getting much better at anticipating LB's needs. He was less anxious during bottle times and was putting himself to sleep fairly quickly. The weather was still nice and those daily walks were really therapeutic. LB was probably only about 14 pounds in these photos. So tiny!

I have to admit that I look at his baby photos with a sense of longing. I miss that little peanut. Of course, that stage had it's own set of challenges and I was smack dab in the middle of adjusting to motherhood. But this toddler stage is kicking my behind. I know this is an awkward age because they have opinions but don't have the language to fully communicate them. Some days are easier than others but I find myself wishing for him to get a little older so that we can converse more. You would think as I longingly look at these baby photos of him that I would stop such unproductive thinking. I was sitting next to a mom at the library the other day and she asked me LB's age. I told her 20 months and she said her son was 21 months and she was going crazy. I wanted to hug and kiss her! Yes, I am going a little crazy too!

I read something yesterday that was a good reminder and echoed a lot of what my mom tells me when I call her after a rough day. It's not just good advice for parents but applies to all stages of life, good and bad.

"If I had to identify one thing I'd like to say to younger parents right now, this would be it: Knowing that nothing lasts forever doesn't have to be sad and depressing. Knowing that nothing lasts forever is a source of great joy. When parenting gets rough, remind yourself that this too shall pass. When parenting is joyful, remind yourself that this too shall pass."

Yes, this too shall pass.

Hope you have a wonderful last day of September!

Return - NYC Marathon

I've had a few conversations and read a few blogs recently that have reminded me of my running days. About a year or so after I graduated from college, I decided that I wanted to run the NYC marathon. My Uncle David had run it about 20 times (seriously!!!) and he encouraged me to enter the lottery so we could run it together. We even talked about it as we were dancing at my wedding reception. I was born in New York City so it seemed like the right place to run my first marathon. The first two years I entered my name didn't get picked but the third year it did. I am pretty sure if you enter three times and haven't been picked then you automatically get to run. At least, that is how it was back in the day. The marathon is in November so I had all summer and the early part of fall to train. Since I had run cross country in college, I was pretty sure of how I wanted to go about training for it but I picked a plan on a running website and basically stuck to it. The plan did allow for a little flexibility during the week and that helped since I was in a job that required some travel. One of my co-workers at the time was an avid runner so I joined her on weekends for the longer runs. I am not sure I could have done those long training runs on my own. The encouragement and motivation from others was key.

I get really emotional when I think about running that marathon. The plan to run with my Uncle David didn't work out because he was diagnosed that year with brain cancer and his surgery date was too close to the race date so he couldn't run. He did travel to New York that weekend and cheered me on and even paid for Damon and me to stay at a really nice hotel near where I would catch the bus to the start of the race. He warned me all about the parts in the race that were the hardest, like the lonely, steep bridge you run across before entering Manhattan and the hilly roads that line Central Park in the final miles of the race. He taught me the easiest way to grab the paper water and gatorade cups so you wouldn't spill. He advised I take a New York Times to read before the race because you have to sit and wait for a long time before it begins. I think he was living vicariously through me and that it was really tough for him to sit out that year. If you can believe it, despite the chemo and radiation he endured before his passing in April 2006, my uncle ran the NYC Marathon two more times. I am pretty sure he even did it faster than me.

My mom has a photo of my uncle and me from one of the first times he ran the NYC marathon. I was probably about 4 years old. He wore a t-shirt during the race that said, "Emily's Uncle." My mom had kids before both of her brothers so I was my uncle's first niece. When I ran the marathon more than 20 years later my mom had a t-shirt made for me that said, "David's Niece." It was fun to wear because the spectators in New York are some of the best so for 26.2 miles I heard stuff like, "Let's go David's Niece" and "You can do it, David's Niece." It was pretty awesome. It was clear that some people were really confused or thought that David was someone famous. When your knee is killing you and you aren't sure you can continue those little moments are priceless! I will never forget rounding the corner into Manhattan at around mile 16 and hearing the cheers from the crowds. People were lined up 4-5 rows deep to cheer you on. I will also never forget seeing my mom, D, my Uncle David and cousin Chris about 1/2 mile before the finish. There were times I didn't think I would make it and seeing them and knowing that I was about to cross the finish line was a really special moment. I definitely cried tears of joy and lifted my arms in celebration as I ran across the finish line.

I would love to run another marathon but my knees took a beating that day in November and have never fully recovered. I am really hoping one of these days I can devote some time to physical therapy and get running long distances again. I am David's niece after all!

Return - College Reunion

Last Saturday we took a mini road trip to Richmond, Indiana for D's 10 year reunion at Earlham. It was a gorgeous day and it was fun showing LB his future college. We even got him a t-shirt that says, Future Earlham Quaker! We just can't help ourselves and the parental pressure to attend our alma mater is already in full effect. We spent most of the day with D's best friend, Drew, and his family. They have two boys, one is older than LB and the other one is younger. Drew and D look quite similar and even have the same birthday! Drew has always been amazing with kids and LB immediately adored him. I think I have a picture of Drew at our wedding kneeling down, talking with D's two young cousins. I wasn't quite sure how LB would do since the plan was to just hang out on campus and chat with people. We were so lucky the weather cooperated and he had a blast playing with the other kids there and just running around all the open space. LB got to meet our track coach and a few professors as well. One of the ladies in the coffee shop remembered Drew and D and said, "It's so great that the two of you still hang out." Love that! I tried to take a lot of photos of LB on campus but he rarely stayed still. I managed to get a few good ones.

We miss you already, Earlham!

Return - Our First House

Last weekend we moved. It wasn't a huge, life changing move in any way. We are just 25 minutes or so from our old house but it was still hard, stressful and bittersweet. D and I loved our old house but had grown weary of the neighborhood and felt so far away from everything, as we were on the outskirts of Columbus. We put our house on the market in March and by August had basically given up on the idea of moving. Then one day I was over at my friend's house and was in the middle of telling her how we were bummed about our housing situation and my phone rang. It was our Realtor and we had an offer on our house. After that call everything happened very quickly. Within 5 days we were in contract on our old house and had put an offer in on another house. Crazy!

Even though I am so excited that it all worked out, I had a really hard time saying goodbye to our old house. I know it is just a house but I shed lots of tears on our way out the door. I stressed for several weeks leading up to the move about how LB would handle it. Needless to say, the first couple of days in the new house were hard. It was clear he was on high alert and was bothered by all the new noises. I had some moments when I wished we hadn't moved. LB and I spent most of the actual moving day at a friend's since LB is comfortable there and that kept him away from all the noises of moving and from seeing his stuff getting carried out of the house. I am so glad we did that! Once our stuff was at the new house D got right to work on setting up LB's room and he finished that afternoon. That man has a killer work ethic! Several people had suggested setting up LB's room first and I do think that helped. I was shocked when he slept through the night on our first night here.

I had read a few articles online about moving with a toddler and one of them suggested going through each room of the old house and having the child say goodbye. So after the movers left and most of our stuff was gone LB and I went over to the old house and said goodbye. LB doesn't like seeing other people cry so I had to dig deep and hold back tears. He waved goodbye to each room and we left. Then once we got in the car and I knew he couldn't see my face I let the tears flow. It was our first house. We were proud of it. I know pride is a tricky thing but we were proud. There is something about getting the keys to your first home. We moved in about 2 years after we got married. D and his friend built a deck on the back and D painted every inch of that house. It wasn't long until we started scouring websites for dogs and drove to Dayton to pick up Raney, a two year old Weimereiner. She then proceeded to ruin half the house but whatever. The joys of dog ownership. I have lots of great memories of cook outs with friends and watching Buckeye games. We brought LB home to that house and we became a family of three there. Even now, a week after the move, I am still a little sad.

However, I LOVE our new neighborhood and I think it suits us. The house is a cape cod style that was built in the 1950s. It has a lot of charm and I love being able to see all the mature trees out our windows. The school system is more diverse and D has a much shorter drive to work. We also have a lot of great friends that are close. Not to mention there is a Jeni's ice cream right down the road. In the end, I know this was the right decision and when more of the boxes make their way to the basement then I'm sure it will feel like home. We Skyped with my parents a few days ago and my dad asked LB if he liked his new house. I am not sure LB really understood, although we have been talking a lot of the new house, but he shook his head yes. I sure hope so.

A Little Inappropriate

About a week ago, LB meandered into my bedroom while I was doing something in the kitchen. I called out to him and I heard the pitter pat of his feet heading toward me. When I turned around this is what he was doing.

Yes, that is my bra. Don't you love how he is even holding it in the correct spot! I promise I don't usually leave my undergarments strewn about my bedroom but as you can tell from all the boxes we were in the process of packing up our house. (More on that later.) So things were a little hectic and I wasn't being super tidy.

Note to Self: This kid notices EVERYTHING!

I hope this gave you a good laugh on a Monday.

Return - Our Love Story

I love hearing stories about how couples first met. Maybe you do too? I could hear over and over again the story of when my parents met and started dating. So here is our love story.

I have always had a thing for soccer players. I am not sure what it is but they are just plain cute. Don't you love the part at the end of a professional soccer match when the players on opposing teams take off their shirts and switch jerseys? Is that just me? By far the best part of the game in my opinion. My sister even poked fun at my tendency to date soccer players in her toast/roast at our rehearsal dinner. You will not be surprised to hear that D played soccer at Earlham. At the beginning of my senior year and his sophomore year, I started to develop a little bit of a crush on him. But he was younger and I didn't know much about him. Except that he played soccer and had a great smile. I started to ask around to some of my guy friends in my year that played soccer and knew him. Everyone said he was a great guy so I let it be known that I was interested hoping it would get back to him. It did. If this story were told from D's perspective he would say that he was pretty surprised and a bit intimidated when he found out about my crush. Not because I was intimidating but more the idea of dating someone older. But I suppose he was interested enough to start making an effort to see me more. Most of those attempts didn't work out so the first semester ended and nothing had really become of my crush.

The start of the second semester was also the beginning of the indoor track season. D did some of the field and sprinting events to stay in shape for soccer and I ran the distance events. Even though we did different events it still provided more opportunity for us to interact. Eventually a couple on the track team decided to take matters into their own hands. The girl invited me out to dinner and the guy invited D. I suppose that was our first official date. The next morning we had a track meet and I got disqualified from my event and was pretty upset. I remember D came up to me and put his arm around me to console me. Sweet guy. That night after the track meet we hung out and had our first kiss in the hallway of his dorm. And then for the rest of the semester we were pretty inseparable. I remember watching movies in his dorm room and playing games like Pictionary and Cranium at the house where I lived with several girlfriends. He would bring me hummus and veggie sandwiches for lunch from the cafeteria since I was no longer on the meal plan. It was just the little things. One night all the girls at my house decided to use those Biore nose strips to see if they worked and D ended up stopping by and stumbled upon our goofy girls night. I am pretty sure I had a towel around my head and a white strip on my nose. I must have looked pretty ridiculous. The next morning my friend, Molly, and I were walking to campus and she commented that I totally act like myself around D. I hadn't really made that connection but she was right.

The two years between us did cause a bit of a problem because it meant I would be graduating and moving away. Richmond, Indiana isn't exactly the place you dream of living after college. Not only did I not want to live in Richmond but I had dreams of living in Japan. I continued throughout that second semester pursuing that plan and D even drove with me to Chicago for an interview to teach English in Japan. As decision time grew closer I really wasn't sure what I should do. D and I were talking about it and he told me that of course he would love it if I were able to live close enough to see other often but that he didn't want to be the one to keep me from living out a dream. He said we would try and make it work and hopefully we would stay together. So I went. It was one of the best decisions I ever made. D came and visited me for three weeks over his Christmas break and it was then that I knew that I had really fallen for him. We travelled all over and had an amazing time. I was proud of him for trying lots of Japanese food and in the mornings he made me french toast. I think you learn a lot about a person when you travel with them, especially in a foreign country. I came back from my year in Japan and spent some time in Oklahoma with my parents and then in January of 2001 I packed up my Honda and moved to Columbus, Ohio. I got a job with a Japanese travel agency and was only 2 hours from D as he finished up his final semester. He moved to Columbus that summer and we are still here. It is pretty amazing that we made it through two years of living on different continents, states and cities.

D talked to my dad over Thanksgiving in 2001 and he proposed on Christmas morning. He did it in front of my parents and sister, which was really special and showed how much he knew me and that I would want them to be a part of it. I thought he was getting me a rice cooker but instead a ring fell out of the box. We said "I do" on October 12th, 2002 in Tulsa. And I would say it all over again.

Wordless Wednesday

(photos thanks to Claire M. and Noreen P.)

Return - Shoes

I don't look back on the years that D and I went through infertility with too many fond memories. I mostly remember being curled up on the couch, under my red fleece blanket, feeling sorry for myself. However, I did learn a really valuable lesson during that time that I hope stays with me. If you have ever been through infertility then you are probably familiar with the phenomenon of pregnant women coming out of the woodwork to haunt and taunt you. Of course, I know those pregnant women were always there but when you want something so badly it seems everyone else has it but you. I know my mother-in-law told me that when she went through an illness that kept her from eating regular food she became aware of how many commercials, street billboards, daily conversations, etc. are related to food. It was torture for her and I could relate. It seemed when I went to the grocery story there was at least one pregnant woman per aisle. Or when we went out to dinner we were always seated next to the couple that was expecting. To top it off, my office was above an Ob/Gyn office. So everyday I saw women with their perfectly round bellies going in and out of the building or I saw couples standing outside rejoicing over ultrasound pictures. Baby showers were the worst. I had several wonderful friends in Columbus that were expecting and sadly some of those friendships were strained for a while. Thankfully, those same women are still some of my closest friends and have been incredibly supportive to me as a new mom.

During that time I started chatting more frequently with a friend from high school who was also having trouble conceiving. She actually already had a daughter but was going through hell to try and conceive again. She had several ectopic pregnancies and at one point had to be rushed to the hospital and lost one of her fallopian tubes. This friend did eventually get pregnant again and carried her baby to term. I was so incredibly happy for her and her husband and that all of their heartache eventually led to a healthy baby boy. I think it was this friendship that allowed me to start looking at other pregnant women that followed me through the grocery store a little differently. I started to make up stories about each of them. I would tell myself that maybe the lady on aisle 4 had to go through multiple IVF cycles to finally achieve a pregnancy. And maybe the slightly older pregnant lady on aisle 7 waited a long time to fall in love and this pregnancy was an unexpected gift to her and her new husband. Perhaps the pretty blonde in the produce section struggled with eating disorders for years and was finally healthy and happy. I know it seems strange to assign heartache to each woman but I do think we all have our own struggles so it allowed me to feel compassion instead of envy. Perhaps all of them conceived without any trouble at all but the point is that their lives have probably not been perfect. At some point we will all have to overcome adversity. So reminding myself of that helped with my own pain. We certainly never know what it is like to walk in another person's shoes.

Return - My Birthday

I have been feeling in a rut lately when it comes to my blog. Of course, I enjoy posting photos of LB and telling funny stories about him but I also appreciate the creative outlet that writing brings. When we were in the adoption process, I had so much to write about and discover and I loved using this blog as a way to sort through the experience. I am missing that these days. I tend to get wrapped up in the day to day mom stuff of teething misery, singing goofy songs, going to the park, getting puzzle pieces thrown at me, etc. I think it would do me some good to step away from that a few times a week and just write about something else.

My friend, Tracy, has unknowingly motivated me to join in on the September daily blogging theme. I don't think I can commit to blogging daily but I do want to be inspired to think about things outside of my routine as a mom. Don't worry, if you mostly stop by here for cute photos of LB I won't disappoint you and will still post some occasionally.

Here is the September theme:

September's theme for daily blogging: RETURN. Returning -- or turning again -- is about reflection, about going backwards, about revisiting a spot or memory. Sometimes people think that it can be a negative thing to live too much in the past, drowning in nostalgia. But a lot can be learned by mentally returning to a moment, replaying what happened in your mind, especially if lessons are learned in the process.

Today is my birthday. My dad jokes that it was the only time in my life that I saved them any money. I guess my mom was due on August 30th but their insurance switched over to a better plan on September 1st. So by waiting a few days to enter the world I saved them money. My dad always tells the story with a smile on his face though, as he does with most things. For some reason, my mind drifted today to the birthdays I spent at Earlham College. Perhaps this is because D and I are planning on going there in a few weeks for his 10 year reunion weekend. On September 1st, 1995 I had just returned from a month long canoeing trip in Northern Ontario with a group of other first year Earlham students. It was a great way to make fast friends at a place where I didn't know anybody and as it turned out I met my very best friend on that trip. My mom had come to campus to help me get my dorm room settled before classes officially started. I don't think my mom or I will ever forget that first shower I took at the Holiday Inn in Richmond after returning from the adventure. I will spare you the gory details but it was like I was shedding layers of skin except the layers were actually dirt. Although, I do take some pride in how well I handled being so dirty. I remember so clearly walking across the center of campus, called "The Heart" at Earlham, and some of my friends from the trip shouted out a dorm window, "Happy Birthday!" I think it was then that I knew I made the right choice in going to Earlham and that everything was going to be okay. I felt like I belonged. My sophomore year birthday was spent in Japan and sadly I don't really remember it. I am sure if I went back and looked at some photos it might jog my memory but at the moment my mind is blank. My host family probably had a cake that was put together delicately and was so pretty you didn't want to eat it. Oh, I miss Japan. On my birthday my junior year the boyfriend I had at the time broke up with me. I remember feeling like it came out of the blue and I have to say at the time it was truly heartbreaking. We went on a long walk around campus and I was so eager to just get back to my room and have a good cry. Not a good birthday. For my senior year my friends outdid themselves and put together quite a bash for my 21st birthday. I was the last of my friends to turn 21 so they didn't cut corners. Some of the things we did I would rather not share on the internet as it would attract a not so desirable blog following. However, it is a memory that still makes me laugh out loud.

I get to see one of those party organizers tomorrow, the same best friend I met on that canoeing trip, and then on Saturday my mom comes to town. I couldn't ask for a better birthday gift.

Happy Birthday to me!