I took a big step today. I should clarify that the step was big for me. I contacted a babysitter. Feel free to laugh at me for being so dramatic. But it's been something I have been wanting to do but have been fearful of doing for a long time. I realize that I am incredibly grateful to even have this fear because I've been able to stay at home with LB. I know the majority of moms after a period of time have to go back to work. That fact is not lost on me. I'm not sure if my fear of leaving him with a sitter is at all connected to the fact that he joined our family at 7 months old instead of 1 day old. My only experience as a mom is the one I've had with him. It's impossible for me to know if I would be this cautious if we had brought him home from the hospital. I knew that in his first year home D and I would have limited opportunity to go out on dates. Not only because we felt he wouldn't be ready in terms of attachment but because we don't have family in town. D's parents are only an hour away but it isn't like they live around the corner. And my parents are 13 hours away. We've been lucky in that whenever my mom visits she always encourages us to go out. LB is extremely comfortable with her and I could leave without a single worry and know that he would feel safe and comfortable. But we are coming up on LB's two year adoption day anniversary and I could probably count on my hands the number of times D and I have been out just the two of us. I don't want to come off like a complete mommy martyr because I've certainly had my fair share of girl's night out evenings and other opportunities like yoga classes to have some time to myself or with girlfriends. D has done guy's night outs as well but there is something to be said for time away as a couple.
One thing that I think has helped lessen the blow of not going out has been LB's early bedtime. The information we got from the nannies at LB's foster home was that he went to bed at 7pm. So when we brought him home we stuck with that early bedtime. After he was asleep then D and I would have dinner just the two of us and it felt a lot like our life pre-LB. It gave us time to talk about our day and relax. We continued that early bed time for quite some time and just recently did he start transitioning to an 8pm bedtime. My mom was in town the past couple of days so D and I went out Saturday night. We had a gift certificate to a fancy restaurant and we had such a wonderful time eating our food at a leisurely pace and just enjoying each other's company. LB will be two and a half in a week and his language skills are exploding. We are at a point where I can tell him that "we are leaving for a little bit but will be back soon" and I'm confident that he understands. That ability to communicate gives me peace of mind. The other thing that gives me peace of mind is LB's love of teenage girls. No joke. He develops crushes pretty quickly. About 2 months ago there was a 13 year old girl at the park who was really great with the little kids. LB just followed her around with the biggest grin on his face and he is still talking about her even though we only met her once. The babysitter that I am hoping to use is a very mature 16 year old girl. We know her dad really well as he finished our basement and they live just a few blocks away. There is a ten year age difference between her and her younger sister so she has first hand experience with all things toddler. The first time LB met her it was clear he was smitten. Yes, we know we are in deep trouble considering he is already girl crazy at the tender age of two. I know she will be wonderful with LB and that he'll love spending time with her.
D has a birthday coming up and we've been invited to a few weddings later this summer and truthfully it would be nice to have the ability to go have a beer or two with D on a random Saturday night. I also have been thinking about signing LB up for a mom's day out program at a nearby pre-school, which would be one morning a week, this fall. So it's time to start testing the waters of leaving him with someone other than mom, dad or a grandparent. He's a social kid so I think I need to give him a little more credit.
One thing that I think has helped lessen the blow of not going out has been LB's early bedtime. The information we got from the nannies at LB's foster home was that he went to bed at 7pm. So when we brought him home we stuck with that early bedtime. After he was asleep then D and I would have dinner just the two of us and it felt a lot like our life pre-LB. It gave us time to talk about our day and relax. We continued that early bed time for quite some time and just recently did he start transitioning to an 8pm bedtime. My mom was in town the past couple of days so D and I went out Saturday night. We had a gift certificate to a fancy restaurant and we had such a wonderful time eating our food at a leisurely pace and just enjoying each other's company. LB will be two and a half in a week and his language skills are exploding. We are at a point where I can tell him that "we are leaving for a little bit but will be back soon" and I'm confident that he understands. That ability to communicate gives me peace of mind. The other thing that gives me peace of mind is LB's love of teenage girls. No joke. He develops crushes pretty quickly. About 2 months ago there was a 13 year old girl at the park who was really great with the little kids. LB just followed her around with the biggest grin on his face and he is still talking about her even though we only met her once. The babysitter that I am hoping to use is a very mature 16 year old girl. We know her dad really well as he finished our basement and they live just a few blocks away. There is a ten year age difference between her and her younger sister so she has first hand experience with all things toddler. The first time LB met her it was clear he was smitten. Yes, we know we are in deep trouble considering he is already girl crazy at the tender age of two. I know she will be wonderful with LB and that he'll love spending time with her.
D has a birthday coming up and we've been invited to a few weddings later this summer and truthfully it would be nice to have the ability to go have a beer or two with D on a random Saturday night. I also have been thinking about signing LB up for a mom's day out program at a nearby pre-school, which would be one morning a week, this fall. So it's time to start testing the waters of leaving him with someone other than mom, dad or a grandparent. He's a social kid so I think I need to give him a little more credit.
Wish me luck. I'll need it.
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Yay for you! Where is the mom's day out? Maybe my boy will join Ezra there!
ReplyDeleteGood luck. I think it's quite normal to feel the way you do. You have to trust someone to take care of your child. I feel best when my child is with family compared to non family. The last time I tried to hire a babysitter for my son he was about 9 and we couldn't find anyone that we thought was affordable to us and that we could trust. I don't know if it's just me but I seem to trust situations like camp a lot better than the thought of hiring a babysitter.
ReplyDeleteBest of luck to you! This is a big step, but it sounds like LB is up for the added fun of having a cool babysitter to play with!
ReplyDeleteHe will do great and so will you :-) You will not regret this decision!
ReplyDeleteJ is going to "school" two mornings per week this fall...and I think it's me that's not ready!
Good luck with the sitter! You are a brave woman, a very very brave woman- I just interviewed our second sitter ever, and only because I'm going back to work! I totally get your delay on this one!
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