Adventures in Babysitting

Starting this Thursday things will be a little different around the Buster household. I am going to be babysitting for a three month old baby girl. I met the mother through our neighbor and she was looking for someone to watch her baby through the end of the school year. The mother is a teacher and most day cares around here make you pay to hold a spot over the summer, which isn't so accommodating for teachers. She lives just right around the corner from us and my neighbor asked me if I was interested. I thought about it and talked with D and we decided it would be good for LB, nice to have the extra cash and if it's super stressful then it's over at the end of May. I was also excited about the idea of being around a baby again, especially one wearing cute pink outfits. So after the holidays I met the mom and Baby B and we determined we were a good match! We set up two dates to do trial drop offs so that Baby B could start to get used to the smells and sounds (ahem LB) of my house and LB and I could start to get to know Baby B as well. They both went well and LB was much less jealous than I thought he would be. He enjoyed "helping" and was very interested in things like diaper changes and her bottle. I've found that if he feels like he has a job then he is all about it. So I would send him on tasks to find her paci or bring her a book or whatever. He loved that. Baby B has been breastfed so I was a little concerned about how she would do with a bottle but both times I fed her she took them like a champ. Go Baby B! I think LB and Baby B are pretty cute together.

About a week ago, I pulled out a few of my parenting books that focus on the first year of a baby's life. I haven't been in baby mode for a while and LB came home at 7 months so I felt like I needed to do some reading about 3 month olds. LB was about the same weight as Baby B but even though he was behind developmentally on some skills he was very alert and had good head control. I wanted to read about what types of things I should be working with her on so I could tell her mom all the little things she did each day. I started reading The Baby Book by Dr. Sears and flipped to the chapter on 3 month olds. I read about tummy time and how they start vocalizing more. Then I got to the end of the chapter and read this:

By the end of this first stage, baby has learned two fundamental lessons: organization and trust. The fussy period of learning to fit into life outside the womb has subsided and baby knows to whom he belongs. Because his needs have been consistently responded to, he has developed the most powerful infant development stimulator: trust. Based upon an inner feeling of rightness, baby wastes less energy fussing and now diverts this energy into developing skills - called baby competence. Because his cues have been read, he values himself - the beginning of baby's self esteem.

And then I burst into tears. All I could think about was LB and all that he missed at such a critical time in life. Is there anything more vulnerable than a newborn baby? I thought about his first month and all the change and trauma he experienced. I doubt there was much organization or trust building going on in his brain. I can't really let myself think about him crying and no one responding. Thankfully, he made his way to the nannies at our agency at 4 weeks and had their consistent and loving care until he experienced yet another upheaval at 7 months when he became a part of our family. We have some photos of when he first arrived at our agency's care center and they are tucked away because they are so hard to look at. They are a part of his story and they aren't forgotten but they are painful. You can see the fear in his eyes. No baby should have to experience that. Babies should be held and rocked and sung to. I've been talking to LB a lot about Baby B to prepare him and one of the things we talk about is how babies need our help and love. I hope he continues to be my little helper and that we can give Baby B all those things each baby deserves. Cross your fingers (and toes) for me! Or send wine.

And while he still lets me, I am going to squeeze in as much snuggle time as possible with my sweet, not so much baby anymore boy.