Whenever I receive a great piece of parenting advice I feel as though it is my duty to share it. Like it would be selfish of me to keep it to myself. You are welcome in advance. One of the things that we've always struggled with is how to deal with LB's occasional overreaction to situations. He has been on high alert for as long as I can remember. I am not a trained therapist but I do think he has a pretty intense fight or flight response. It should also be noted that if I am being honest with myself then I also have this issue at times and would consider my central nervous system to be highly sensitive. (My parents are probably nodding their heads and laughing as they read this.) So I may not be a trained professional but I have a lot of personal experience. I'm never for certain if some of his reactions are due to sensory sensitivities or if it's just some physiological thing. But whatever it is it happens and it's hard to manage. D and I both really have to watch our own reactions to stressful situations because LB is so in tune with what we say or what we do and he can be easily upset or frightened. For example, we were driving home from D's parents a few weeks ago and there was a car on the highway that started to have major problems. I am not sure if two tires blew but it was moving erratically and was trying to pull over. I gasped loudly and LB immediately started sobbing. I think he saw the car as well and then my reaction sent him into freak out mode. I think I've gotten a lot better at not gasping but I still do it from time to time and the second it comes out of my mouth I regret it and start cursing myself. Sometimes LB will barely bump his leg and will start crying and screaming like he fell off the roof. The reaction doesn't match the situation is the best way I can describe it. I think he has gotten a lot better, especially as his noise sensitivities have decreased and his language skills have increased, but it's still there. At times I get sad and wish he could be more laid back and worry less about things. He's only a kid. But some would say being highly sensitive can have it's advantages too. Ahem.
I was reading one of my favorite blogs for parenting advice, One Thankful Mom, and she posted about her son, who also has sensory processing issues, and a tip they have used to manage his extreme reactions. Jackpot! She framed it as big problems versus small problems. So I started using it. LB would fall outside in the grass and start to get mad. I would tell him, "It's a small problem so you don't have to worry." Or he would drop a toy and start to scream and I would say, "It's a small problem. Let's just pick it up." And I just started constantly talking about how things were small problems. It only took a few days and he was completely on board. He would start to overreact and I would tell him, "LB, it's a small problem. We can fix it." And the crying or screaming would stop and he would repeat, "It's a small problem." He also has started asking me, "Mommy, is it a small problem?" Yesterday, I banged my elbow on the wall and he asked, "Are you okay? Is it a small problem?" And I assured him that it was and he went about his business. He even created his own level of a problem, which he refers to as a "super tiny problem." He says it in a high pitched voice and it's adorable and sweet. I talk about how running into the street is a big problem or trying to climb the fridge is a big problem. It's been helpful in working on a behavior issues we've been having with him running too far away in situations that aren't safe. I try to give him lots of room to run but there are times when he needs to stay close or hold hands and he struggles with that. Yesterday, we were at the mall before meeting LB's old OT for lunch. (I love that we have become friends and still see each other even though LB is no longer in therapy.) I wasn't making him hold my hand because I wanted him to run some energy off before we went inside the restaurant. But he got too far and I asked him to freeze and he didn't. I caught up to him and explained it would be a BIG problem if we lost each other. And then we practiced freezing. He would walk ahead a little and I would say "freeze." And he would stop and either wait for me to catch up or run back closer to me. We did it several times and he listened very well. I heaped on the positive reenforcement and you could tell from his smile that he was proud of himself.
I have to think that small problems versus big problems would be helpful for a lot of kids, even for ones who aren't on high alert. Let's face it, most toddlers overreact from time to time. It's kind of what they are famous for. Give it a try. Let me know if you find it to be helpful.
I was reading one of my favorite blogs for parenting advice, One Thankful Mom, and she posted about her son, who also has sensory processing issues, and a tip they have used to manage his extreme reactions. Jackpot! She framed it as big problems versus small problems. So I started using it. LB would fall outside in the grass and start to get mad. I would tell him, "It's a small problem so you don't have to worry." Or he would drop a toy and start to scream and I would say, "It's a small problem. Let's just pick it up." And I just started constantly talking about how things were small problems. It only took a few days and he was completely on board. He would start to overreact and I would tell him, "LB, it's a small problem. We can fix it." And the crying or screaming would stop and he would repeat, "It's a small problem." He also has started asking me, "Mommy, is it a small problem?" Yesterday, I banged my elbow on the wall and he asked, "Are you okay? Is it a small problem?" And I assured him that it was and he went about his business. He even created his own level of a problem, which he refers to as a "super tiny problem." He says it in a high pitched voice and it's adorable and sweet. I talk about how running into the street is a big problem or trying to climb the fridge is a big problem. It's been helpful in working on a behavior issues we've been having with him running too far away in situations that aren't safe. I try to give him lots of room to run but there are times when he needs to stay close or hold hands and he struggles with that. Yesterday, we were at the mall before meeting LB's old OT for lunch. (I love that we have become friends and still see each other even though LB is no longer in therapy.) I wasn't making him hold my hand because I wanted him to run some energy off before we went inside the restaurant. But he got too far and I asked him to freeze and he didn't. I caught up to him and explained it would be a BIG problem if we lost each other. And then we practiced freezing. He would walk ahead a little and I would say "freeze." And he would stop and either wait for me to catch up or run back closer to me. We did it several times and he listened very well. I heaped on the positive reenforcement and you could tell from his smile that he was proud of himself.
I have to think that small problems versus big problems would be helpful for a lot of kids, even for ones who aren't on high alert. Let's face it, most toddlers overreact from time to time. It's kind of what they are famous for. Give it a try. Let me know if you find it to be helpful.
LB and his OT. Two Angels.
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