An idea came to me a few days ago and I thought I would share it here. LB had just thrown a big tantrum about wanting to go downstairs and play after his bath. Our typical routine is that we do bath, books and bed. It's what we've done ever since he came home. Some weekend nights if we are with friends a little late then the bath gets skipped but 90% of the time that is our routine. LB knows it well. However, over the holidays we really went lax with a lot of our routines, not just bed time. I am confident a lot of parents do. And I think (and hope for LB's case) that as kids get older letting go of those routines over holidays and breaks can be easier. But for us transitioning back to our regular routines has been tough.
As a first time mom I have no reference point as to what other kids are like on a day to day basis. I don't see my friend's kids during bed times or nap times or what it's like to get them out the door in the morning. I only know LB. And he is a kid that if he does something once a certain way then usually he insists on doing it that way again. Do you know what I mean? For example, one of the first days we went to preschool the parking lot guard put his orange stick on LB's belly and and let him push the button on the stick that makes it light up. As thrilled as LB was to see it light up, I remember thinking to myself that now he will want to do it every time. Yep, every week he asks if he can push the button. In this case, he handles it well and doesn't get mad if he can't but he never forgets to ask. I find that we avoid meltdowns if LB knows what is expected. I hope I am not sounding like a super rigid mom. Maybe I am? But I do believe that toddlers find comfort in knowing what the limits are and what comes next. I kind of forgot that over the holidays. Okay, I promise I am getting to my idea.
As I was brainstorming some ways to make the post-holiday transition easier, I realized there were a few other things about the break that I would do differently if granted the opportunity. Let me say, we had a wonderful Christmas! I have so many great memories from this year. LB's age made it truly magical and I suspect next year will be even more fun. LB overall handled all the stimulation and mixed up routines quite well. But oh my, this transition. It's getting the best of me. I realize we are not always going to do things perfectly or anticipate everything. That's asking too much of ourselves and as Anne Lamott says, "Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people." I believe that to be true. But I also believe in "live and learn." I can say confidently that we did a lot of things well. So here was my idea. I wrote a letter to myself. That's it. That was my big idea. (You are probably thinking you stuck around for nothing.) I tucked it away in our desk drawer and then I put a reminder on my calendar for October to read it. In the reminder, I noted where I put the letter because I am sure future me will forget that detail. I made a list of what I thought we did well and what I would do differently. I didn't hold back. I included some parts about our drive there and back that I thought worked nicely. There is no way I will remember all this stuff ten months from now when it's time to plan Christmas 2013. But now it is all fresh in my mind. It felt good and productive to write everything down. I was proud of myself.
We also have the added layer of LB's birthday a few weeks after Christmas. That was another impetus for writing the letter. I think we can make some tweaks to our schedule that will help. But I am finding that the closeness in dates makes managing gifts and stimulation overload very tricky. I don't want LB to feel like his birthday got swallowed up by Christmas. I want him to be and feel celebrated. However, it's tricky, especially at this age when he just discovering the joy of new toys. If any of you out there have advice in managing birthdays close to Christmas then I am all ears!
Finally, I have to vent to about another big mistake we made? TV/Ipad time. Wow, did it get out of control and now going back to setting limits has been UGLY. But I feel like, what is the point of staying home with my kid if he is watching a lot of TV? I give myself credit for making sure we have something to do every morning that gets us out of the house and interacting with the three dimensional world but afternoons and evenings have been tough. He has all these new toys yet he wants to spend so much of his time watching airplanes on Youtube or Finding Nemo. We got Nemo for Christmas and LB LOVES it. It's adorable to hear him repeat lines like, "Are you my conscience?" and "Wow, that's a really big butt." However, it's out of control. Did you let go of screen time limits over the holidays? If so, any ideas for getting out of that funk. If you didn't, then I applaud you!
So that was my great idea. A simple letter to be read in October. Here's to hoping future me will listen to present me.
As a first time mom I have no reference point as to what other kids are like on a day to day basis. I don't see my friend's kids during bed times or nap times or what it's like to get them out the door in the morning. I only know LB. And he is a kid that if he does something once a certain way then usually he insists on doing it that way again. Do you know what I mean? For example, one of the first days we went to preschool the parking lot guard put his orange stick on LB's belly and and let him push the button on the stick that makes it light up. As thrilled as LB was to see it light up, I remember thinking to myself that now he will want to do it every time. Yep, every week he asks if he can push the button. In this case, he handles it well and doesn't get mad if he can't but he never forgets to ask. I find that we avoid meltdowns if LB knows what is expected. I hope I am not sounding like a super rigid mom. Maybe I am? But I do believe that toddlers find comfort in knowing what the limits are and what comes next. I kind of forgot that over the holidays. Okay, I promise I am getting to my idea.
As I was brainstorming some ways to make the post-holiday transition easier, I realized there were a few other things about the break that I would do differently if granted the opportunity. Let me say, we had a wonderful Christmas! I have so many great memories from this year. LB's age made it truly magical and I suspect next year will be even more fun. LB overall handled all the stimulation and mixed up routines quite well. But oh my, this transition. It's getting the best of me. I realize we are not always going to do things perfectly or anticipate everything. That's asking too much of ourselves and as Anne Lamott says, "Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people." I believe that to be true. But I also believe in "live and learn." I can say confidently that we did a lot of things well. So here was my idea. I wrote a letter to myself. That's it. That was my big idea. (You are probably thinking you stuck around for nothing.) I tucked it away in our desk drawer and then I put a reminder on my calendar for October to read it. In the reminder, I noted where I put the letter because I am sure future me will forget that detail. I made a list of what I thought we did well and what I would do differently. I didn't hold back. I included some parts about our drive there and back that I thought worked nicely. There is no way I will remember all this stuff ten months from now when it's time to plan Christmas 2013. But now it is all fresh in my mind. It felt good and productive to write everything down. I was proud of myself.
We also have the added layer of LB's birthday a few weeks after Christmas. That was another impetus for writing the letter. I think we can make some tweaks to our schedule that will help. But I am finding that the closeness in dates makes managing gifts and stimulation overload very tricky. I don't want LB to feel like his birthday got swallowed up by Christmas. I want him to be and feel celebrated. However, it's tricky, especially at this age when he just discovering the joy of new toys. If any of you out there have advice in managing birthdays close to Christmas then I am all ears!
Finally, I have to vent to about another big mistake we made? TV/Ipad time. Wow, did it get out of control and now going back to setting limits has been UGLY. But I feel like, what is the point of staying home with my kid if he is watching a lot of TV? I give myself credit for making sure we have something to do every morning that gets us out of the house and interacting with the three dimensional world but afternoons and evenings have been tough. He has all these new toys yet he wants to spend so much of his time watching airplanes on Youtube or Finding Nemo. We got Nemo for Christmas and LB LOVES it. It's adorable to hear him repeat lines like, "Are you my conscience?" and "Wow, that's a really big butt." However, it's out of control. Did you let go of screen time limits over the holidays? If so, any ideas for getting out of that funk. If you didn't, then I applaud you!
So that was my great idea. A simple letter to be read in October. Here's to hoping future me will listen to present me.
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Our motto while traveling over the holidays was "whatever works." Well... what worked for Caroline was sleeping in bed with us instead of in her pack & play. Which is one thing when we are sleeping in and lazing around in the king sized bed in my parents' guest room and another thing when we're back in our queen sized bed, having to get up for work the next day, with a wiggling 6 month old who also thinks she should eat every 3 hours because the boobs! they are right there! This transition back to normal routine has been rough.
ReplyDeleteHave you read Momma Zen? A friend gave it to me and the chapter on TV really spoke to me--how incredibly difficult it is to do "moderation" when it comes to TV time and kids. I'm already seeing how Caroline will STARE at the TV, even when it's a college basketball game (rather than a cartoon). I'm looking forward to so many things about her getting older, but not to negotiating TV time.
I feel ya. I feel like our tv time has gotten out. of. control. I'm easing back into our routine hoping that we will get back to "normal" soon. And I hope that in that letter you put that you need to schedule a playdate with the winter kids :)
ReplyDeleteHi there, I've just found your blog and thought you might like to know how we handle a January 3 birthday for our daughter, Miss Ten. We put Christmas stuff up early, December 1, no later. We make a big deal out of Christmas and then it all goes away the day after Boxing Day, which is early I know but it gives us time to 'move on' from the holidays and then we're ready for Jan 3. We NEVER give her combined presents and we are increasingly aware of not buying too much 'stuff', especially now she old enough to understand and love 'doing' presents - a kite, a special (but not necessarily expensive) outing or major gift like a geared bike. Hope our experiences help a little, we're grateful it wasn't trickier, she was due Boxing Day. Cheers, Bridg
ReplyDeleteMy bday is right after Christmas (12/28), and I've always hated it (and I'm 36 :). Someone gave me the idea of celebrating my half-birthday (so 6/28) instead of my actual bday. I've never broached this b/c it seems silly to me to initiate this as an adult, but I've always thought I would really consider it for a child if I ever have one with a bday around the holidays. It would have been way fun to have had summer bday parties and an opportunity for new toys far removed from the new toys at Christmas. You could still do something small on the actual bday to mark the day. Just a thought!
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