His Person

Long before I became a mom I marveled at how a mother could make her baby stop crying by just holding him. I think everyone has witnessed a moment where a family member or friend is holding someone’s baby and the baby starts to cry or fuss. That person will then hand the baby back to the mom and instantly the crying stops. The baby feels safe and secure again just from their mother’s touch. I always thought that was beautiful and wanted to be that safe and secure person for a child. As an adoptive parent, I knew that it would take some time and some work to get LB to that point. I would say Ezra felt safe with us from fairly early on but I am not sure that he actually preferred us or that we were able to provide true comfort when he was upset. Several of my adoptive mom friends told me to give it time and that it would come. Patience is not one of my strengths and I so longed to be LB’s person of comfort. Waiting for those signs of attachment has been hard.

Last week I took LB to his 9 month well visit at the doctor. I knew he would be getting more shots as our doctor explained that at our previous visit. When we went to the doctor the first time we were able to get him to calm down with a bottle. He cried until we got to the waiting room and then as soon as he had the bottle he was fine. For this most recent visit I was taking him by myself so I had the same plan of attack. The nurse came in to give him his shots and I started to get the bottle ready. Of course he started screaming while he got the shots and then the nurse picked him up while I finished pouring the bottle. He continued to cry as the nurse held him. I got my stuff together and the nurse handed LB back to me. I fully expected him to continue to cry until I got that bottle in his mouth. Do you know what happened? He stopped. He looked at me and sniffled a bit but he stopped. The nurse said, “Well, look at that. He just needed his mama.” I almost gave the nurse a hug. I held him tight and hugged him and he was back to his silly self. I was his person. And it felt amazing.

The Gift of Life

I didn't give you the gift of life,

But in my heart I know

The love I feel is deep and real,

As if it had been so.

For us to have each other

is like a dream come true!

No I didn't give you

The Gift of Life,

Life gave me the gift of you.

-Author Unknown

Fridays in Ethiopia

For both of our trips to Ethiopia it worked out that we arrived in Addis on Saturday evening and departed on Friday evening. The way that the schedule was arranged Friday ended up being our toughest day on both trips. On the second trip, Friday morning was set aside for us to meet with one of LB's birth parents. We are keeping the majority of the details about his birth story private but I can say we feel incredibly lucky to have had that meeting. It was extremely emotional but also heartwarming. We got to ask so many questions and we also took photos. I will treasure those always and am so grateful that we can share it all with LB. I think that afternoon both D and I were overcome with sadness that we were leaving Ethiopia. Of course we were eager to introduce him to our family and friends and ready to start our life together in Ohio but it was difficult to leave. I know that I was at times overwhelmed with guilt for taking him away from his birth country and all that is familiar to him. I am not saying that I think growing up in an institution is the best thing for him and obviously if I thought that then we never would have adopted in the first place. The emotion is a hard one to describe. We really fell in love with Ethiopia and wondered when we would be able to return.

On the first trip we had to say goodbye to LB in the morning and then in the afternoon we toured three government run orphanages in Addis. Talk about a tough day! I have replayed that afternoon in mind several times over the past two months and have wanted to write about it. Each time I sat down to write I felt like everything I wanted to say sounded cliche. Loss for words. Broken. Devastating. Nothing I could put to paper did justice to the experience. I imagine it never will. The best I can do is try and share certain moments with you.

We visited three orphanages. The first was for older boys, the second for boys and girls under seven and the third had older girls along with some infants. When we arrived at the second orphanage Belay (Gladney coordinator) led us into the infant room. Here come those words again. Devastated. Broken. And in this case the smell was overpowering. Belay told us that recently in that room alone seven babies died in one night. Seven. There was a little boy on the floor that was getting ready to try and crawl out of the room. The caregivers were busy with other children so D picked up the boy. The boy just stared into D's eyes and he was clearly so happy just to be held. The look in D's eyes is one I will never forget. The boy's outfit was partially falling off and stained badly. When it was time to leave the room D asked the caregiver where he should put the little boy. She motioned to his crib and when D put him down the boy started to cry. D looked at me like, "what do I do?" No words. I continued to hear him cry as we walked into the hallway. Needless to say we were pretty quiet in the car on the way to the next orphanage. I was not proud of a lot of the thoughts I was having. If I am being honest, I will tell you that part of me wanted to tell Henock that we had enough and I wanted to go back to our comfortable guest house. I thought there was only so much my heart could take.

We arrived at the last orphanage and were immediately swarmed by young girls who wanted to hold hands and hug us. As we finished our tour of the facility we were walking up the hill back to the cars and one of the girls that was holding my hand looked up at me and as she pointed to herself she asked, "daughter?" Some of the other girls started laughing at her but her face remained serious and hopeful. No words. I think of her often. I think of the baby I helped feed in that infant room. I think of a 10 year old boy at the first orphanage we visited. I'm not sure what it all means for me yet. I hesitate to say a lot of this because I don't want to paint a portrait of Ethiopia that is pure devastation. D and I actually thought the opposite. We saw hope, growth and kindness on a daily basis. But there is also a need for help. Our hearts remain there in so many ways.

Sunday Snapshots

A Few Firsts

We have been home about six weeks now and there is so much to remember about our first weeks together as a family. I want to write more about our transition but I feel like we are still in the middle of it so it seems premature to do any serious reflecting. Although, I do think that I am much more in tune with LB's needs and rhythms than I was a few weeks ago. That is a good feeling. My hope is that with each day he is attaching to us more and more. I also have to say that a lot of my thoughts as a new mom are things that other parents said to me before I was a parent that annoyed the heck out of me. Therefore, I am choosing not to annoy myself or anyone else out there that really wants to be a mom. That longing is still raw and fresh in my mind so I am sensitive to it.

However, I DO want to document several of LB's "firsts" since he came home. He is discovering so many new things and he continues to ooze personality. In just six weeks he has learned to clap, wave, sit up on his own and he knows to raise his arms when I say "so big!"

Here are some photos of a few of his "firsts.

LB was very serious on his first stroller ride. I don't think he cracked a smile the entire time, which is unusual for him. He is still subdued in the stroller but does seem to enjoy the time outside. I am exceedingly grateful that we came home during the late summer/early fall so that we could go on lots of walks and not feel cooped up at home.

This was one of the first times he ate solid foods from his highchair. When we were in Ethiopia he sucked prunes off D's fingers because he couldn't quite master the spoon. Six weeks later he gobbles down just about anything we give him, especially fruit. Although, he is not a fan of peas. There was some serious gagging action over peas.

This was his first time in the exer-saucer. LB loves this thing and you can tell from the photo it was love from the beginning. He jumps for joy and has figured out all the toy stations and I really think it has helped him develop some core and leg strength. Sadly, yesterday we had to raise the seat a level because he was getting too tall for the lowest one. So sad.

We love to Skype with Grandma Kathy. This was one of the first times he did it. I am not sure he knew what to think of the singing, clapping lady on the other end but we had fun. This will be a regular occurrence.

On September 10th LB had his first well child visit with his pediatrician. I LOVE our pediatrician. LOVE. She was recommended to us by some of the other adoptive families and I am so grateful she was accepting new patients. She explains things very clearly but isn't patronizing. LB did great at his check-up and our doc thought he looked great! I tend to agree. (I, on the other hand, look very sleepy.)

Almost a month ago, LB made his first appearance at our Ethiopian Adoptive Family Night. Tiru, the lovely lady on the left, prepares wonderful Ethiopian food for all the families each night and we are so lucky to have her as part of our little community.

Okay, so this photo is not a milestone photo but I just couldn't resist sharing. He was up really early that morning and it's like he can tell I wasn't pleased. My mom calls it his "time-out" face. How can I be mad at that face? Such a cutie!