An Important Combination

Suffice it to say that I have not been sleeping that great. I am sure this is to be expected so I should cut myself some slack. However, I know this adrenaline can only last so long so I need to get some of this anticipation in check. It is bad when you need to remind yourself to breathe in AND breathe out. It is kinda an important combination. I don’t think it does me much good to constantly daydream and wonder what the call will be like because then I am not being intentional TODAY. This morning I purposefully took five minutes and just sat with my dog. I sat there with her and tried to pet her to the beat of my breath. I needed to be still for just a few moments. I also drove to work in silence rather than listen to NPR like I usually do. I tried to quiet my mind.

About five years ago I was in a yoga class and the instructor was leading some guided meditation at the end of the class. He said something that has stuck with me. He was acknowledging how hard it can be to quiet the mind so he suggested that we visualize a bus. The bus represents our distracting thoughts. Of course, at times we are going to get on the bus and that is okay. When you recognize you are on the bus and you shouldn’t be then go ahead and visualize yourself getting off the bus. Take each step off the bus and then watch the bus as it fades out of sight. Bring yourself back to focus. It is important to acknowledge those thoughts and not feel bad about them but when you recognize it then get off the bus. I just love that. There are times when I literally tell myself, “Emily, it is time to get off the bus.”

The other thing that I find myself doing to stay calm is to repeat the first couple of lines from The Serenity Prayer. I think I first heard of this prayer when I read A Million Little Pieces by James Frey. Do you remember that book? The author was featured on Oprah and the book was then, of course, wildly popular. However some information surfaced that certain details in the book weren’t entirely true so then Oprah brought him back and yelled at him and scolded him. I thought she went a bit overboard. I was disappointed in the author too but this guy had overcome addiction and came back from the bottom of the bottom. I thought Oprah crossed the line and I even boycotted her for a while. (Are you thinking, “Emily, get off the bus and get back to the prayer?! Yes, me too.)

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

That is SO hard but so important for me to remember. I cannot control when the call will come or where I will be when the phone rings. I cannot control so much and that is okay. But you know I can work on being a better listener, snapping at Damon less, exercising more and all sorts of other things that will allow me to be a happier and kinder person.

Oh yeah, and I can breathe in AND breathe out.

Ichi Ban!!!

I am very excited to announce that we are now NUMBER ONE on the unofficial list for a BOY! I can't believe we have actually reached the stage when my phone could ring any day now! We are number 4 unofficially for a girl so I suppose it could still go either way but to be number 1 for either gender is a place I am happy to be. I know that I am totally obsessed about my phone ringing but unfortunately for Damon I forgot that he probably is too. I usually don't call him during the workday as we tend to text or email. I called him this morning and he told me later that he totally thought it was me telling him that Mary had called with our referral. Oops! I felt badly. So we agreed we are going to stick to texts or emails during business hours to avoid fake outs. Ha!

I know that I say this all the time and probably sound like a broken record but I am so thankful for this journey. I knew that we would receive support from friends and family but the extent of that support has been beyond my wildest dreams. The number of blog comments and Facebook comments I received today with people telling me how excited they were for us truly blew me away. Earlier this week I missed a call from my waitlist buddy, Tracy, and she left me a message making sure I knew that another family got their referral so I had moved up the list. I seriously teared up just hearing her voice telling me that she was thinking of Damon and me and praying for us. The kindness just overwhelms me. Thank you to everyone!

The news of Tam's referral literally had me jumping up and down for her. That is what is so great about this process is the pure joy you feel for others. When my friend, Amy, gets her referral I will bawl my eyes out. It will be ugly. No joke.

Hopefully I will be posting VERY good news VERY soon!

My pup is happy about being #1 too. Or maybe she is happy because she just had a peanut butter treat? Or maybe I assign too much emotion to a dog? That can't be it.

Truth be Told

Am I the only one who…

1. thinks that Modern Family on ABC is the best new show on TV? Damon and I laugh so hard at each episode. There was one in particular when I think Damon came close to falling off the couch because he was laughing so hard. My mom insisted that we start watching it and I am forever grateful. If you don’t watch it then I totally recommend that you start. You can thank me later.
2. misses watching Apolo Ohno at the Olympics? I don’t know about you but I think he is H.O.T.
3. has a husband that spent the entire weekend watching basketball? I enjoy college basketball but can’t watch it for 72 hours straight. My brackets are pretty well busted but I am hoping I can ride the Buckeyes to a victory in my family pool.
4. is overly excited for free pastry day at Starbucks on March 23^rd? Here is the LINK to the coupon if you are interested. You do have to buy a drink to get a free pastry. There is a Starbucks right next to my office and it tempts me everyday but I will be there on the 23^rd to get my FREE pastry.
5. recently discovered the blog, Stuff White People Like? Okay, if you need some light reading then you should check it out. I logged on last week and read item #132, which happens to be Picking their own Fruit and it reminded of my recent venture and how much I enjoyed it. I am totally okay with making fun of myself and this blog is so true and so hilarious.
6. laughs at the current Miller Lite commercials? There is the one where the guy is trying to tell his girlfriend what he loves about her and all he can come with is “doing stuff” and “your teeth.” Yet he can easily list many things he loves about his Miller Lite. Too funny.
7. can’t believe we recently moved up to the #3 spot for a boy on the unofficial list?! YAY!!!

Seven Months!

First, I want to say thank you so much for all the kind words and encouragement that we received last week. This new change in policy is still very overwhelming but I am feeling a lot better. I am doing my best to not dwell on it too much. Gladney is holding a conference call tomorrow to discuss the changes in more detail and answer questions people have submitted. Damon and I will continue to roll with it as best we can!

Today is our seventh month waitaversary! It seems that our agency average tends to fluctuate between 7-9 months for infant referrals so we are reaching that range. Now that we are getting closer Damon and I have started discussing our plans for “the call” and logistically how it might work. (I know. I know. It is hard to plan for such things but that is how we are.) Our caseworker said that she usually calls the woman first and then if she can’t reach her then she’ll call the guy. The nature of my job means that I spend a lot of my day on the phone so I worry about being on the phone with a parent and watching my cell phone vibrate with the 817 area code on the display. It will take all my self control to not just tell the parent, “Don’t worry about the SATs. Your kid will get into college somewhere. Have a great afternoon.” And then proceed to hang up and frantically call our caseworker. My hope is that I will be able to leave work and go home to receive all the information in private. Depending on the day of the week Damon may not be able to come home. I really like the idea of being together when it happens but I know that may not be feasible. Damon and I have agreed that whoever talks to Mary first can find out if it is a boy or girl but all other information has to wait until we are both on the call. I was pushing to get to know the age as well but Damon wouldn’t go for it. Boo. I do know that I can’t wait to hear Mary’s voice on the other line!

So with the news of two possible trips to Ethiopia I got the sudden motivation to learn Amharic. I was never very good at math or science but languages were always my thing. Although in high school my Spanish teacher told me I spoke Spanish with a Japanese accent. Ha!

Today I picked up this book from our local library.

(image via Amazon.com)

I figured I would rather browse through some books first before I buy anything. I also know that I am going to need some CDs because it will be important to hear the pronunciations and repeat them. My friend, Amy, owns a book/CD that is designed for adoptive families and she is kindly going to let me borrow it.

(image via Amazon.com)

Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like there is a whole lot out there. I realize Amharic isn’t the fastest growing language but I don’t even think Rosetta Stone has anything. If I am wrong please let me know! Do any iphone users out there have the UTalk Amharic app? The reviews I read were just okay so I am not sure it is worth the $10 or not. I would love any and all suggestions for books or CDs that people found to be helpful. I did a little reading in the Lonely Planet book after dinner and have learned that Amharic uses a similar sentence structure to Japanese. For example, in English we typically construct a sentence with Subject-Verb-Object. Ex: Damon plays soccer. However in Amharic the same sentence would read, Damon soccer plays.

(Subject-Object-Verb) Japanese is the same! So I don’t have to get used to a new sentence structure because the Japanese part of my brain already thinks that way. Score one point for me. Uh oh. Did I just lose all my readers? Languages are cool to me and I am not afraid to admit it. So I will keep plugging along and hopefully by the end of my studies I will at least be able to ask, “Where is the bathroom?”

“Slowly, slowly an egg learns to walk.” Apparently that is an old Amharic saying that means if you take things bit by bit then slowly but surely it will start to come together. I like it. A lot.

Roller Coaster

Nobody said this would be easy. Nope. Not easy at all.

For all my buddies in the ET adoption community this is old news (well, by old I mean 24 hours).

We got word yesterday from our agency that the federal government in Ethiopia has determined that adoptive parents must now travel to Ethiopia for the court date. Previously we signed a power of attorney and our agency represented us in court. Then once we passed we would travel 4-6 weeks later for the embassy date. What does this mean? Now we will have to travel to Ethiopia TWICE. I will tell you that it was a not a pretty sight in the Buster household yesterday. I happened to be home because I was recovering from a violent stomach bug. It was one of those emails that you have to read twice to really comprehend it all. My initial reaction was to break down in tears. Yep, they were big, fat and ugly tears. I know that may seem dramatic but I was so tired from all the puking (told you, not a pretty sight) and all I could think about was meeting my baby and having to say goodbye. I just couldn't see myself flying all the way to Africa and coming home without a baby in my arms. A day later and many emails, Facebook chats and phone calls with other mommas in waiting I am feeling better. I am also really trying to find that girl inside of me that can just roll with it. She has to be down there somewhere. In the end, all of this is out of my control and is about issues much bigger than me. If this helps bring more transparency to the process then that is good. This will allow the federal court in Ethiopia to meet with the adoptive parents before the adoption is finalized and confirm our desire to adopt the child matched with us. Hopefully it will allow for more time to meet with birth relatives and to see our child's birth country. And of course the obvious pro in getting to see our baby sooner. I am going to keep trying to suppress that image of getting on the plane without baby Buster. I am not sure anything good comes from focusing on that. I know there are other countries that require two trips and if any of you readers out there have done this then I would love to chat with you. I am going to need all the advice I can get. (Valerie - Get a ready for a phone call from me and there may be tears.) Yesterday was a low but I have full faith in Gladney and I continue to thank my lucky stars that we are with such a reputable agency. We are along for the ride and we'll see how it all shakes out. In other positive news, Damon tells me that our house no longer smells like puke. Very good news.

Here is a cute little face that cuddled with me the past few days. Precious. Don't you think she looks upset about the news as well?

Top Five

On Friday I flew to Providence, RI to co-host a baby shower for one of my bestest friends, Allie. She has been one of my biggest supporters in this adoption and I am so thrilled that we will both (hopefully in my case) become mothers in 2010. A few posts ago I mentioned a craft project I did for her shower and since craft projects are very rare in the Buster household I have to document it. I got the idea from a co-worker. I went to Michaels craft store and picked out some of the cute wooden animals.

I bought magnet tape and put it on the back.

Then I put them in little bags and tied them off with ribbon. Voila! A cute favor.

It was very easy and was a good project for an inexperienced crafter. I was pleased with them. You can also buy the wooden animals unpainted and paint them yourself. I thought that would be a fun project for a kid.

The shower went very well and it was wonderful to see so many people come together to support my friend. It was a co-ed baby shower, which added some good comic relief. I was highly amused listening to the guys "ooh" and ahh" over some of the gifts. They were coached well. Here are some photos from the shower.

The three hostesses and Allie in the grey and black. She looks amazing!

All events are improved by sushi. We ordered this from Whole Foods and it was delish!

The cakes were truly divine. One was an apricot cheesecake and the other was like a tiramisu.

They got some great gifts, including these Bob Marley onesies!

While we were in the planning stages for my friend's shower, I read a blog entry from another friend who is pregnant. At her shower they made her a labor necklace. The necklace can be used as a focal point during labor and symbolizes the women in her life that are supporting her as she makes this transition into a new stage of life. I had heard of something similar on one of my favorite adoption blogs, dandies in the sunshine. I did a little more reading on the subject and decided this would be an empowering experience for my friend. I asked each woman to bring two beads to the shower. Then at the shower each woman placed their beads in a bowl and told Allie a wish they had for her. The wishes included a smooth transition to motherhood, a peaceful labor, many joyous moments, etc. I know Allie was really moved by it and I hope she can harness all that positive energy into the final stages of her pregnancy. The necklace really turned out nicely. Her mother brought several beads and we used those to finish it. Beautiful.

After the shower we were cleaning up and I checked my phone and briefly logged on to Facebook. I saw the very exciting news that the Schmidts, who had been sitting at the top of the unofficial list for either gender, received their referral for a boy!! I am pretty sure I made some sort of squealing noise! Congrats to the Schmidts!! This means that the Busters have finally cracked through to the top 5 for a boy on the unofficial list!! We are #7 for a girl!

In other exciting news, Team Buster is up to $1,110 donated, which means 110 pairs of shoes. Thanks to all for your continued support!