Enough

When I was in high school there was a show on TV called, My So Called Life. Sadly, there was only one season because it was pretty good show. I recently discovered that it was on Netflix and have indulged myself in watching some of the episodes. It's brought back a lot of memories of obsessing over those coming of age issues like dating, drinking and just trying to navigate how you fit in. I remember thinking how the lead character, Angela, was always saying something deep and profound. I wanted to be more like her. (I also wanted to kiss Jordan Catalano.) Watching the show now I chuckle at some of what she said but I can see how I latched on to some of it. The other day I actually paused the show so I could write down one of her quotes that even at the age of 33 resonated with me.

"People always say you should just be yourself. Like yourself is this definite thing, like a toaster or something. Like you know what it is even. But sometimes I'll have like a moment. Where being myself, right where I am, is enough."

Some days it is hard to just let what I have and who I am be enough. I have every reason to feel content and most days I do. But my mind still wanders. Where does my mind go? Let's see. What about baby Buster #2? Will that ever happen? When it is time to go back to work what will I do? I've always been jealous of people who knew that they wanted to be an architect or a professor or a minister or whatever. Obviously, I have always wanted to be a mom but there is something outside that role that I would like to do. I just don't know what yet. So many questions and not enough focusing on today. I imagine we all have these types of things that we let get in the way of the here and now. I've also had this pressing desire to go back to Ethiopia so I can visit LB's home village. I want to see the hospital where he was born. I want to go to his first orphanage. I simply would like to soak in all the sights and smells of the area. I know we'll make it happen at some point and the right time will present itself. But letting go of knowing exactly when this will be is hard. Today's joys should be enough. That's what I am trying to focus on. I need to really savor things like watching LB walk towards me with a big grin on his face or seeing his face light up when he sees a balloon at the grocery store. Even on days like yesterday when it was tantrum city around here I can relish in the glass of wine I will have when he goes to bed. I need to listen to Angela and let what I have, in this moment, be enough.

A Prayer in Spring

Oh, give us pleasure in the flowers today;

And give us not to think so far away

As the uncertain harvest, keep us here

All simply in the springing of the year.

Oh, give us pleasure in the orchard white,

Like nothing else by day, like ghosts by night;

And make us happy in the happy bees,

The swarm dilating round the perfect trees.

And make us happy in the darting bird

That suddenly above the bees is heard,

The meteor that thrusts in with needle bill,

And off a blossom in mid-air stands still.

For this is love and nothing else is love,

To which it is reserved for God above

to sanctify what far ends He will,

But which it only needs that we fulfill.

-Robert Frost

Earth Day Outing

Since yesterday was Earth Day, Amy and I decided to take the boys to the Franklin Park Conservatory. It was raining so it seemed like a good indoor outing that was still earthy. I think all four of us had a great time. Here are some photos from the day.

They have a really great fish pond and we let the boys out of their strollers to get a closer look. You can't help but smile when you look at these photos. Such cuties.

Oh yes, and this is what happened when Ezra realized I wasn't right behind him.

He seems to prefer to have me close by these days. Doesn't it look like T is telling him to chill out? As we were leaving a butterfly landed on T's bright orange shirt. I think Amy was a little concerned T might try to eat the butterfly but he just watched it in amazement.

"Joy in looking and comprehending is nature's most beautiful gift." -Albert Einstein

Walking Boy

Warning: If you are going to view this at work or near a sleeping baby you will want to turn the volume WAY down. My voice apparently gets annoyingly high pitched when I am giving positive reinforcement. I am sure the Tiger Mother would disapprove. And I apologize for the poor video quality but you get the idea. Oh how I love his little legs.

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Something New Everyday

D has taught LB a few things recently that are quite adorable. I don't know what inspired D to do this but he now has LB saying "ahhhh" after he drinks water from his sippy cup. I laugh every time he does it and LB thinks it is pretty funny too. The other thing is he has shown LB how to smell flowers. This morning LB pointed to some flowers in his book and made the sniffing sound. So the flowers don't have to be real flowers but he'll smell fake flowers too. For some reason, bananas also fall in the category of sniffing. LB will point to the bananas on the counter and I'll hand them to him and he'll sniff. Funny boy.

Over the past few weeks LB has really been adding to his vocabulary. I LOVE watching him discover that he can say a word. Yesterday we were at the store and we were in the aisle with the diapers. He was pointing at the pictures of the babies and then said "baby" very deliberately. It was so cute and he was pleased with himself for saying it. His voice is precious and it sounds a little different from when he is just babbling baby talk. It is more high pitched and I love it. We brought home a box of wipes and there was a picture of a baby on it. He discovered he could play peek-a-boo with that baby. He would turn his head away from the baby and then turn back and say"boo." Of course, when I went to get my video camera he stopped doing it. Stinker.

The other big news is that LB is starting to take steps on his own. He has created a little obstacle course in our family room where he will go from his toy cube to the couch to the chair and then do it over and over again. Each time he reaches the next pit stop without falling he gets excited. This morning he got daring and just started walking into open space and made it pretty far before he plopped down on his tush. It's just been in the past day or two that he has been getting better about falling. Before he would trip over himself and face plant and then cry. He still does that sometimes but I was glad to see him just plop down rather than fall forward. I would like to say officially that I was right and LB went straight to walking. No crawling. Ever. He still makes no attempts to crawl. I guess he decided he was too mature to crawl. At least, we'll pretend that's the case. My mom has requested a video of the walking so I'll be sure to post it here as well. Thank goodness he is doing all these cute things to balance out the time outs for screaming. I suppose that is what toddlerhood is all about.

Friday Favorite Photo

Why do I find this sleeping position to be so darn cute?

Adventures in Cooking

If you know D and me well then you know that for the duration of our marriage D has done ALL the cooking. I could count on my hands the number of times I have cooked a meal. Actually it isn't even just our marriage because in college I didn't cook either. I did the dishes and my friends cooked. If someone wasn't cooking then I would resort to cereal or a turkey sandwich for dinner. Pathetic, I know. I'm not sure why I have always been averse to cooking. Part of it has to do with irrational fears about cooking meat. There is a reason I was a vegetarian for 6 years. D has definitely spoiled me the past eight years. He is an excellent cook and he learned most of it from his dad and his willingness to experiment. Right around the time we got married this lack of cooking came up in a conversation with my Grandma Edie. She was actually a very progressive, forward thinking person but she was appalled that I didn't cook. I remember very clearly that she said something to me like, "What if D dies? Then you won't even know how to cook a roast!" I laughed because whether or not D is alive or dead I would never want to eat a roast!

Fast forward to now and I am a changed woman! I knew that as we got closer to bringing LB home that my habits in the kitchen would need an overhaul. D never said to me that since I was staying home I needed to learn to cook but it was a silent goal I set for myself. Also ever since my Grandma Edie passed away last year I have really wanted to cook a roast to make her proud. And let's face it. I wanted to make myself proud too. Last week I did it. I cooked a roast. Never mind that I called D at least 5 times while in process and never mind that one of those times I might have been crying. I did it. I managed to take a few photos in between my moments of panic about touching the blood and meat contamination.

I made an Irish stew and it was delicious! D kept telling me how good it was and I think given all the phone calls he was pretty surprised.

I would say I cook the majority of our food these days. D still likes to cook and will often whip up something tasty on the weekends or will help me finish things up once he is home during the week. I know it is a luxury that I am able to cook during nap time and I am so grateful that I have had this time to learn to cook. I will also tell you that we have frozen pizza more than I care to admit and that my cooking adventures have not always turned out well. But this is a huge step for me. I wish I could cook and take photos like the Pioneer Woman but I am not that talented. I did manage to snap a shot of the lentil soup I made recently. Yummers.

And I have made my mom's lasagne recipe a few times too. Here it is ready to go in the oven.

Now we just need to get this little guy to start chewing so he can enjoy some of the food too.

Clearly, he is skeptical. He starts feeding therapy next week so cross your fingers!

Good Manners

I thought since my last post was all about LB's bad behavior that I should write a little bit about his good behavior. LB has really taken to the sign language and it has been a great way to teach him good manners. He has been signing please for a while now but I would always have to prompt him, which was fine. Now he will occasionally point to something that he wants and sign please before I even prompt him. I love it!! The other day I was reading him a book and there was something about please in the book. He immediately did the sign for it. He doesn't sign thank you nearly as much as please but that is okay. I smile every time he tells me please or thank you.

LB is also very affectionate. He started giving hugs and kisses several months ago and I think it is one of his favorite things to do. There are times when he will just lean over and plant a wet one on my mouth for no apparent reason. LB's favorite things to kiss are his stuffed animals. They get hugs and kisses all day long. He also kisses the animals in his books. The way he gives a hug is almost like a little dance. He puts the animal up to his chest and moves his shoulders back and forth. Here he is giving his mouse a hug and a kiss. His love for mousie is intense.

It makes me melt. He is such a little lover. My hope is that LB will always find such joy in hugs and kisses.