Santa Visit

Merry Christmas!

Flashback

This morning Ezra and I are going to visit a friend and her 3 week old baby girl. Admittedly, I have moments of sadness that I didn't get to be with Ezra during those early stages of his life. I can usually talk myself out of them pretty easily but I surely would have loved to have cradled him in my arms at 3 weeks old. I have some pictures of him when he is 4 weeks and 6 weeks old and that is the furthest back they go. The photos of him at 4 weeks were taken by Gladney when he arrived at the Gladney foster homes in Addis. The photos from 6 weeks were taken by a friend/fellow adoptive mom, Maribeth, when she went to bring home her sons. At the time she didn't know he would be referred to us. After we got our referral, we exchanged a few emails and I described Ezra to her. Here was her response back to me. (Hopefully she is okay that I am quoting her.)

"Oh, Emily, I knew it! I woke up at 3 o'clock in the morning about 3 days after your referral and just knew that it was him. I am almost certain I know your little guy, and if it's who I'm thinking of, I have some pictures for you. This little guy is amazing."

As you can imagine, the tears started flowing as I read those words. I sent her some photos so she could confirm if it was him. After receiving the photos and confirming it was our guy, she told me a little bit more about her interaction with him.

"He was so tiny and fragile I was afraid to hold him. So, I just touched his sweet little face and let him hold my finger. I won't lie... he fascinated me. Just lying there in his crib, he was just so tiny... but he was wide awake and looking at everything going on around him. I would expect a malnourished child to be so weak that he couldn't interact with his environment, but he was definitely checking out all the people coming in and out of his room. He broke my heart, but I can't tell you how amazing it is that he's yours."

Her description of him is still so accurate to this day. He does not miss a beat! His physical appearance has obviously changed so much since those early days but the brightness of his eyes and the joy in his smile remains.

About two weeks after our referral another friend/fellow adoptive mom, Heidi, went to bring home her boys. Ezra was about 4 months old at the time of her visit. She was able to take some video of Ezra and I blogged about the excitement of receiving those videos. Since today is Ezra's 11 month birthday, I thought it would be fun to take a trip down memory lane and share those first videos. I still cry when I watch them. Enjoy.

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

First Words

I had mentioned on a previous blog post that Ezra was trying very hard to say the word, "stinky." It is from a book that I read to him. He is still trying very hard to say this word but if you didn't know that is what he is saying then you would have no clue. Does that still count as the first word? Or does it have to be something distinguishable? If so, then we have a winner in that department as well. Ezra has very clearly started looking and pointing at Damon and saying, "Dada." You can't mistake it. His voice is super high pitched when he says it and he gets the biggest grin on his face. Ezra has said "dada" as part of his babble talk for a while but he wasn't saying it in reference to anything. That has now changed. Can you sense that I am not at all jealous about this and am completely fine? Hmmmm. Even though I may be a wee bit jealous it is unbelievably cute. I may be giving him more credit than deserved but I also think Ezra associates the sound of the garage door with Damon. Two times in a row recently he heard the garage door and said, "Dada?" He was right that Damon was coming home. When Damon walks in the door Ezra kicks his legs and shakes his arms and says, "Dada." Damon doesn't have to tell me that it totally makes his day. I will admit to having a little chat with Ezra about the lack of "Mama" in his vocabulary. Hopefully, that day will be soon.

At the suggestion of fellow Gladney mom, Amy, I have started working with Ezra on baby signing. My mother-in-law taught it to my niece and I remember at a wedding my niece was sitting on my lap and she essentially constructed a sentence with two signs in a row. I was blown away and thought my niece was the smartest 18 month old ever. (I still think she is very smart.) Ezra seems to really like signing and I think it is because he is so eager to communicate and interact. So far he has mastered ceiling fan, light and book. He gets super excited when he points to those items and does the sign. I will do the sign back and praise him with lots of encouragement. He eats it right up.

Speaking of mouths, my little guy still has NO teeth. He will be 11 months old on Friday. Anyone else out there have a little one that was late to get teeth? I know they are in there somewhere. Everyday I ask him if he is ready to show me his teeth. So far, nothing.

I do love that toothless grin.

All Boys

I am very lucky in that I have remained close with several of my good friends from Earlham. There are four of us, Allie, Molly, Mahli and me, that have made a special effort to continue to see each other even though we all live in different states. At Mahli's wedding the idea was hatched to have an annual ladies weekend. We had three in a row and the last one was in March of 2009. Then in April of 2009, Damon and I started the adoption process. A few months after that Allie got pregnant and so the 2010 Ladies Weekend was put on hold. Earlier this year both Molly and Mahli got pregnant! Ezra was born in January and then Allie had Miles in April. On November 1st Molly gave birth to Henry and then on Saturday Mahli had Oliver AND Teagan. Mahli upped the ante and had twin boys! The four of us now all have BOYS and they were all born in 2010. It was quite a year for our little group. I am so grateful for each of their friendships. We have stood by each other through some ups and downs and now we are all moms to boys. I think a ladies weekend will be needed now more than ever!

Senior Year at Earlham

At Allie's wedding in November 2007

First Ladies Weekend at Sundara Spa

Second Ladies Weekend at Nemacolin Resort

Third Ladies Weekend in Georgetown

I love you, ladies! Cheers to our boys!!

Sunday Snapshot

Florida Trip

Last weekend we went to Florida to celebrate my Grandma Edie's life. She passed away on June 22nd, which was 38 days before the judge in Ethiopia declared Ezra to be our son. I was so grateful that she got to hear news of our referral and see pictures of Ezra. My dad was in Florida with her the day we got the referral call and he told me that she had him put photos of Ezra in every room so she could always see him. I remember talking to her in the spring of last year and she told me that she had "a chat" with her oncologist. She told him that she was, "putting the pressure on him to keep her alive so that she could see her grandchild come home from Ethiopia." Thinking of that comment now makes me smile because it sounds just like her.

My dad's side of the family gathered in Florida this past weekend as she would have turned 87 on December 7th. All of us stayed at the same hotel right on the beach. It was a wonderful getaway and I know my grandma would have loved the idea of all of us together. The trip was also exciting because it was Ezra's first time to see the ocean. The water was too cold to get in but he seemed to enjoy observing it from a distance. Here are some photos from the trip.

The view from our hotel room balcony.

Ezra with his Grandfather.

Damon and Ezra venturing pretty close to the water. As with most things, Ezra seemed very curious.

The original TomKat. So cute.

Ezra chilling on a poolside lounge chair.

At breakfast in the morning with Grandma Kathy. Ezra always has something to say. Do you think my mom is in love with her grandson?

Too bad Ezra was more interested in Damon's button and wasn't looking at the camera.

A beautiful Florida sunset.

I would say Ezra's trip to the beach was a success! We were able to sleep with our balcony door open and you could hear the waves hitting the sand. I even think the fresh air helped Ezra sleep through the night! Unfortunately, the flight home was miserable. It would be fair to say that it was easier flying home from Ethiopia. It's amazing what a difference a few months makes. In August, he was content with sitting on our laps but that is not the case anymore. Ezra did not enjoy being contained or in the same space for a long period of time. He had one of those meltdowns in the airport where you want to crawl under one of the chairs and hide. He was totally out of sorts. (So was I.) Luckily his personality and smile won over most of the people around us so they didn't seem too mad when he decided to scream. I was so glad we got to see all my aunts, uncles and cousins on my dad's side so it was worth the drama filled flight home. I will be crossing my fingers that the flight to Tulsa at Christmas will be easier!

Memory Box

Most of the memories and milestones of our adoption journey to Ezra are documented on this blog and I am so grateful that we will have this to look back on someday. I hope to at some point have all of the important adoption related posts put into book format for Ezra. However, there are few things I have saved that I want to keep as memories for him. I try not to hold on to a lot of stuff because that isn't usually what matters. I am actually wanting to rid our house in an effort to keep things simple. (a topic for another post) But there are certain things that will be fun to show him and will make it easier to tell him stories about the beginnings of our family of three. I bought a small container to store those items. If I get really motivated I might try and decorate the container but we'll see if that actually happens. I may realize I have other things but at the moment here are a few of the items that are in the box.

1. Photo of Ezra for the plane ride: I printed one of my favorite photos that I had received during the wait and placed it in my book that I was going to read on the plane. I knew the long flight would test my patience and so the plan was that all I would have to do is look at his picture and be reminded that it was all going to be worth it. I did end up having to look at it several times. This is the photo I used as my motivation. He looks so young and tiny.

2. His first outfit: I kept the clothes that he was wearing when we took placement of him on August 15th. I have everything down to the socks he was wearing. The staff at Bejoe washed it for us and since we were there during rainy season it took the whole week for it to dry. I almost forgot it and the lovely Marta from Bejoe reminded me and I am so glad! It isn't the cutest of outfits but that it what he was wearing when we started our family so it will always be meaningful to me.

3. The Blue Link: Do you see the blue link he is chewing on in the above picture? Travis told us that Ezra was pretty upset when he was taking him from the care center and so he just grabbed something to try and distract him. Travis said that Ezra just clutched to that thing the entire drive. In a lot of our photos from that trip Ezra is still holding the blue link. I kept it and for some reason it always makes me teary. He was so scared and that was his one link (literally) to his old home. It just makes me feel sad for him knowing how frightened he must have been.

4. Traditional Outfit from Special Mother: It is a Gladney tradition that when the families go back to the care center for a final visit and coffee ceremony the child's special mother (main caregiver) will dress them in a traditional Ethiopian outfit as a gift. Ezra looked so cute and even though it doesn't really fit anymore we are definitely saving it!

5. His Prescription: I mentioned previously that Ezra had some tummy issues while we were in Ethiopia that were causing some serious troubles for him. The Gladney doctor called in a prescription for us one afternoon and Genet (owner of the Bejoe) and I walked to the pharmacy to get it. I think I brought with me the equivalent of about $50 and it cost $2! I saved the piece of paper from the pharmacy with his prescription and that will for sure be an embarrassing story to tell him later. I would say trying to give him that medication was my first big Mother Fail moment. It was torture for the both of us.

I might put some other important photos in the box as well. I also was thinking that perhaps we could pull out the box every year on Ezra Day (August 15th) and talk about how our family came to be. The items and photos in the box could help facilitate that conversation. My hope is that it will be one of our many future family traditions.

Gift Ideas

Are you starting to think about gift ideas for the upcoming holiday season? Well, I am here to help. I have two great suggestions for you.

My wonderful friend and fellow adoptive mom, Tamara, designed a necklace for Gladney's On Their Own (OTO) project. The necklaces are made by girls that have aged out of Kechene Children's Home in Addis Ababa. Kechene is one of the orphanages that Damon and I visited while in Ethiopia.

Here is the OTO Mission Statement:

To provide meaningful financial assistance and education programs

to older, unadopted orphaned children served by Gladney Center for Adoption

in Africa, Asia, Eastern Europe and Latin America

to prepare them for a safe, self-sufficient life on their own.

You can pre-order the necklace for $35 and all the proceeds from the necklace benefit the girls from the Kechene Women's Association and the OTO project. I have pre-ordered mine and I can't wait to wear it. Tam points out that because of the open clasp it is very versatile and you could add whatever charm you like. Maybe this necklace would be perfect for your sister, best friend or favorite cousin? Or maybe you are like me and just feel like getting it for yourself. To pre-order: email shop@newyorkdesigner.com and put Kechene in the subject line.

My other great suggestion is Ethiopian Orphan Relief's Gena Giving Project. Gena is Ethiopian Christmas and Ethiopian Orphan Relief (EOR) wants to fill 130 backpacks to send to orphans at two of their partnering orphanages in Ethiopia. Ezra told me that if you were thinking of getting him a Christmas gift then he would prefer that you give to the Gena Giving Project instead. You can either shop on your own and fill a backpack or if you are too busy to shop then for just a $15 donation EOR will fill the backpack. Email Info@ethiopianorphanrelief.com to shop for a specific child or go to the EOR website and donate $15. So you can cross Ezra off your shopping list and make a $15 donation to EOR. Wasn't that easy!

Gena Giving Project - 130 backpacks to children in Ethiopia from Ethiopian Orphan Relief, Inc. on Vimeo.

A Stuffed Friend

At my baby shower in Tulsa my friend, Valerie, gave Ezra a very special gift. I had a feeling she would craft up something awesome but as usual she blew me away with her talent and thoughtfulness. I put Valerie's creation in Ezra's crib and I think it is one of the main reasons that Ezra will play happily in his crib for an extended time. This morning I went to get Ezra after a nap and this is how I found him.

Did you just die and go to heaven? I did. So sweet. Thank you, Valerie.

Exciting Mail

We got two exciting packages in the mail last week. Both packages are Christmas related. In the past I haven't done much to decorate our house for Christmas. One of the reasons being it was always just D and me and I couldn't work up the motivation to do much. The other big reason was that we always go to Tulsa for Christmas and usually get there a day or two before and then stay several days after. So it just seemed silly to put effort into something we weren't even going to be around to enjoy on the actual holiday. (The secret reason is that I have some lazy tendencies when it comes to stuff like that.) I know this year LB will have no clue what is going on and he won't even notice if I put up a few decorations but I haven't been this excited to celebrate a holiday in a long time! The first package was our Christmas cards. I have never thought about Christmas cards pre-Thanksgiving before. Never. I have also not been consistent about sending them every year. They arrived today and I am very pleased with how they turned out. They aren't super fancy but they were a good deal. Busters love discounts. D is a big fan of Groupon. There is probably one for your city and there is a new deal each day. We tend to buy the restaurant gift cards as it makes going out to eat more affordable. When we were sitting in the airport waiting to leave for the first trip to Ethiopia, D was online and the daily groupon was for one of those photo websites that will make calendars, invitations, Christmas cards, etc. If you spent $25 then you got $100 to spend on that website! Good deal, right!? So we bought it thinking we might want to make a book of LB's adoption story or stuff like that. That is still on my to-do list but I was able to use some of the gift card for our Christmas cards. I am still working on thank you notes from my baby showers and I apologize if you haven't received your's yet. Again, working through that to-do list. But now I have to get cracking so I can move on to sending out our Christmas cards.

The second package was our Christmas stockings. We had a gift card for Pottery Barn Kids and just weren't sure to get with it. My mom has my Christmas stocking that I have had since I was little and she still hangs it each year at their home in Tulsa. D and I thought it would be fun to have stockings at our house too and LB needed one! So we ordered them from PB Kids and I love them!

I know it looks like LB's stocking is partially pink but I promise it is red. Sadly, our house does not have a fireplace so the big question is where we will hang them. What do you tell your kids about Santa if you don't have a chimney? Does Santa break in through the basement? That sounds a little creepy. I'll have to think about that one. I suppose I have some time to come up with something. Good thing we go Tulsa for Christmas and Santa can make his deliveries to LB through my parents' chimney.

I know it isn't the cards or the stockings that has me excited for the holidays this year but it is what they represent. For me, it is a celebration of our new family. And for that I am so grateful.

A Boy with a Bat

Dangerously Cute!

Are you Ready?

Tomorrow evening we will meet with our social worker for our 3 month post placement visit. I cannot believe we have been home for 3 months already. I am not sure what we are going to talk about but I imagine she will ask how our transition has been going. I have to say that I am quite proud of our little family and how far we have come over the past 12 weeks. The hardest time for me so far was the week D went back to work. Since we had to go to Ethiopia twice he didn't have a lot of vacation left and was only able to stay at home for one week. I remember sending some pretty desperate texts to him those first few days and just staring out the front window trying to will his car to pull into the driveway. I was just so exhausted. Those first few weeks I didn't have LB on any sort of napping or feeding schedule yet either as we were still getting to know each other. It is such a good feeling to have a better sense now of how much food and sleep he needs in a day. That sounds so basic but it has made a huge difference. LB is clearly a much happier kid when he is a routine.

The months leading up to bringing LB home I had a lot of people ask me, "Are you ready?" Even then it seemed like a silly question because how can you ever truly prepare yourself for motherhood. It isn't like training to run a marathon or studying for the SATs. It is almost impossible to predict how you are going to react to things like getting up several times in the middle of the night or having your baby cry and you don't know why or taking your kid to the ER at 3am (don't worry he's okay). I think in those initial moments of parenthood it is all about survival and there isn't a class you can take or a book you can read that will help. During our third or fourth week home, I remember that I desperately wanted to go to Target. We had been hunkering down at home and I was ready to get out and do something. I remember telling D in the evening that LB and I were going to run some errands the next day. I think it took me 3 days to actually do it. LB was either not napping well or I was trying to time napping and feeding so we would have a window to do stuff like that and it just fell through. There is no doubt that I am total wimp when it comes to my sleep. LB has started sleeping through the night, which has been wonderful, but two weeks ago he had a cold so he was not sleeping very well. At midnight I said some not so kind words to D, who was just trying to help, because I was just so tired. I am not sure I will ever adjust to interrupted sleep. I think I just need to come to terms with that! I have mentioned before how much the wonderful weather was a total gift to me in the beginning. I give major props to women who become mothers in the winter. The fresh air was good for my peace of mind and I know it was good for LB too.

If you are a glass half full type of gal then perhaps the "are you ready" question also applies to the wonderful moments. There are times when I am rocking him to sleep or we are making funny faces at each other and I am just overcome with joy. I will tell you that D can make that kid laugh so hard. I will make the same face or the same noise and I'll get a chuckle but when D does it then LB lets out a full belly laugh. The other night I was in the kitchen and D and LB were in the living room playing. D was making funny noises and I just stood there and smiled as I listened to LB laugh. Of course, I have always thought that I married a handsome guy but watching D with LB puts his good looks at a whole new level. (Yes, I am trying to make up for those not so kind words.)

D and I are lucky in that LB is a happy baby and he has been very forgiving of all the mistakes we've made so far. I hope that he continues to be so forgiving as I know we will never be perfect. I do my best not to dwell too much in the past but looking back in this way and being able to see our progress is such a wonderful feeling. Hopefully, I will feel the same way at our 6 month visit!

All About LB - 9 Months

LB is about 9 and a 1/2 months today. He is learning and doing new things everyday and I don't want to forget any of it. I hope a lot of what I document here LB will enjoy looking back on someday.

So here is nine month old LB in a nutshell.

The Stats:

At his 9 month check-up LB weighed 16.5 lbs and was 26 inches long. That was a 2.5 lb gain and a 2 inch growth in just 5 weeks! He is still small for his age but his doctor said as long as he continues to gain and stays in proportion then she isn't concerned.

His Repertoire of Tricks:

-Clapping

-Waving Hi and Goodbye

-So Big

-Kisses (And by that I mean the open mouthed baby slobber kiss. He hasn't mastered puckering his lips.)

-Giving Pat Pats

When one of my best friends had her son a few years ago, she taught him to pat her on the back every time she said, "Give Mama Pat Pats." I thought it was the sweetest thing so it is no surprise that one of the first things I taught him was to pat me on the back. It makes you melt. He will do it to other people or things now if you ask.

Personality:

My mom is always describing LB as incredibly interactive. He will "talk" to you non-stop and his voice takes on decibels you didn't think possible from such a small human. Often he will shake his arms wildly as he tells you a story. It seems something big is always going on his life. LB is very much into copy-cat these days. If I bang my hand on the ground then he bangs his hand on the ground. If I make a "he-he" noise then he will do the same thing. He will go several rounds with you. I have found that he points out little motions that I do with my hands or head that I didn't even realize that I do. But then I watch him do something and realize he is copying me. In my incredibly biased opinion, he is a quick study. We just started working on kissing people or things only about a week ago and he now does it regularly. He forces me to be much more social than I usually am. He attracts attention to himself where ever we go by "chatting" with others or just by being cute. He makes friends with other people in line at the store, in a doctor's office waiting room and at the zoo.

Food:

I would say he eats pretty well. He sucks down his bottles and has some solid foods that he will scarf down as well. LB loves all fruit. He will eat most veggies but you can tell he isn't as interested. Apples and pears seem to be his current favorites. He still has NO teeth so we've tried some of the finger food but it doesn't really work yet. I have assumed he has been teething for as long as we took placement because the amount of drool is immense. He is wearing a bib in almost every picture I take of him because that is the only way to avoid changing his outfit 5 times a day. I would rather wash 5 bibs a day than 5 outfits a day. Plus he isn't a big fan of getting dressed so it just makes life easier and even with a bib he is pretty darn handsome.

Activities:

LB loves books! He will let me read several books in a row to him and doesn't seem to get bored. Often if I am sitting next to him and reading he places his hand on my arm. It is such a small thing but I love it. He seems to prefer books that have flaps that you open. That might be part of his interactive personality. Here are his current faves:

Where's Spot

Whose Knees are These

Where is Baby's Belly Button

Pat the Bunny

So Big (Sesame Street)

My First Book of Sushi

Buckeyes Big Game

The exersaucer is still a favorite activity and he also loves to be outside. I am a little worried as winter is fast approaching. Our walking days are soon to be few and far between. Darn Ohio. He also loves music and will "dance" by moving his body forwards and backwards or shaking his head. He always claps after I sing, "The Itsy-Bitsy Spider. " I guess he is happy for the spider?

Cute Stories:

There is a little spinning frog as part of his exersaucer and yesterday I told him to kiss Mr. Froggie. I wasn't sure he would understand me but he leaned over and kissed him. I almost started to cry it was so cute.

There is a part in the book, Buckeyes Big Game, where a nose guard is described as smelly. Every time I read that I emphasize that part and wave my hand in front of my nose and say, "stinky stinky." He always laughs and even anticipates that page and looks up at me for the stinky stinky. Several weeks ago I was changing his diaper and I said, "stinky stinky" and he started waving his hand in front of his nose and making the same face I do. I almost died. It is one of his favorite things to do and I seriously think he is trying really hard to say stinky. My life would be complete if stinky ends up being his first word.

His Hair:

I cannot believe how fast his hair has started to grow. When we first met him he was 6 months old and he had very little hair. The hair that he had was mostly straight with a few curly tufts.

Here is LB at 6 months.

Here is a shot of him I took yesterday.

Holy Hair, right?! He has a similar facial expression in this photo, don't you think?

Since I can't resist here are a few more photos of my sweet, nine month old boy.

His Person

Long before I became a mom I marveled at how a mother could make her baby stop crying by just holding him. I think everyone has witnessed a moment where a family member or friend is holding someone’s baby and the baby starts to cry or fuss. That person will then hand the baby back to the mom and instantly the crying stops. The baby feels safe and secure again just from their mother’s touch. I always thought that was beautiful and wanted to be that safe and secure person for a child. As an adoptive parent, I knew that it would take some time and some work to get LB to that point. I would say Ezra felt safe with us from fairly early on but I am not sure that he actually preferred us or that we were able to provide true comfort when he was upset. Several of my adoptive mom friends told me to give it time and that it would come. Patience is not one of my strengths and I so longed to be LB’s person of comfort. Waiting for those signs of attachment has been hard.

Last week I took LB to his 9 month well visit at the doctor. I knew he would be getting more shots as our doctor explained that at our previous visit. When we went to the doctor the first time we were able to get him to calm down with a bottle. He cried until we got to the waiting room and then as soon as he had the bottle he was fine. For this most recent visit I was taking him by myself so I had the same plan of attack. The nurse came in to give him his shots and I started to get the bottle ready. Of course he started screaming while he got the shots and then the nurse picked him up while I finished pouring the bottle. He continued to cry as the nurse held him. I got my stuff together and the nurse handed LB back to me. I fully expected him to continue to cry until I got that bottle in his mouth. Do you know what happened? He stopped. He looked at me and sniffled a bit but he stopped. The nurse said, “Well, look at that. He just needed his mama.” I almost gave the nurse a hug. I held him tight and hugged him and he was back to his silly self. I was his person. And it felt amazing.

The Gift of Life

I didn't give you the gift of life,

But in my heart I know

The love I feel is deep and real,

As if it had been so.

For us to have each other

is like a dream come true!

No I didn't give you

The Gift of Life,

Life gave me the gift of you.

-Author Unknown

Fridays in Ethiopia

For both of our trips to Ethiopia it worked out that we arrived in Addis on Saturday evening and departed on Friday evening. The way that the schedule was arranged Friday ended up being our toughest day on both trips. On the second trip, Friday morning was set aside for us to meet with one of LB's birth parents. We are keeping the majority of the details about his birth story private but I can say we feel incredibly lucky to have had that meeting. It was extremely emotional but also heartwarming. We got to ask so many questions and we also took photos. I will treasure those always and am so grateful that we can share it all with LB. I think that afternoon both D and I were overcome with sadness that we were leaving Ethiopia. Of course we were eager to introduce him to our family and friends and ready to start our life together in Ohio but it was difficult to leave. I know that I was at times overwhelmed with guilt for taking him away from his birth country and all that is familiar to him. I am not saying that I think growing up in an institution is the best thing for him and obviously if I thought that then we never would have adopted in the first place. The emotion is a hard one to describe. We really fell in love with Ethiopia and wondered when we would be able to return.

On the first trip we had to say goodbye to LB in the morning and then in the afternoon we toured three government run orphanages in Addis. Talk about a tough day! I have replayed that afternoon in mind several times over the past two months and have wanted to write about it. Each time I sat down to write I felt like everything I wanted to say sounded cliche. Loss for words. Broken. Devastating. Nothing I could put to paper did justice to the experience. I imagine it never will. The best I can do is try and share certain moments with you.

We visited three orphanages. The first was for older boys, the second for boys and girls under seven and the third had older girls along with some infants. When we arrived at the second orphanage Belay (Gladney coordinator) led us into the infant room. Here come those words again. Devastated. Broken. And in this case the smell was overpowering. Belay told us that recently in that room alone seven babies died in one night. Seven. There was a little boy on the floor that was getting ready to try and crawl out of the room. The caregivers were busy with other children so D picked up the boy. The boy just stared into D's eyes and he was clearly so happy just to be held. The look in D's eyes is one I will never forget. The boy's outfit was partially falling off and stained badly. When it was time to leave the room D asked the caregiver where he should put the little boy. She motioned to his crib and when D put him down the boy started to cry. D looked at me like, "what do I do?" No words. I continued to hear him cry as we walked into the hallway. Needless to say we were pretty quiet in the car on the way to the next orphanage. I was not proud of a lot of the thoughts I was having. If I am being honest, I will tell you that part of me wanted to tell Henock that we had enough and I wanted to go back to our comfortable guest house. I thought there was only so much my heart could take.

We arrived at the last orphanage and were immediately swarmed by young girls who wanted to hold hands and hug us. As we finished our tour of the facility we were walking up the hill back to the cars and one of the girls that was holding my hand looked up at me and as she pointed to herself she asked, "daughter?" Some of the other girls started laughing at her but her face remained serious and hopeful. No words. I think of her often. I think of the baby I helped feed in that infant room. I think of a 10 year old boy at the first orphanage we visited. I'm not sure what it all means for me yet. I hesitate to say a lot of this because I don't want to paint a portrait of Ethiopia that is pure devastation. D and I actually thought the opposite. We saw hope, growth and kindness on a daily basis. But there is also a need for help. Our hearts remain there in so many ways.

Sunday Snapshots

A Few Firsts

We have been home about six weeks now and there is so much to remember about our first weeks together as a family. I want to write more about our transition but I feel like we are still in the middle of it so it seems premature to do any serious reflecting. Although, I do think that I am much more in tune with LB's needs and rhythms than I was a few weeks ago. That is a good feeling. My hope is that with each day he is attaching to us more and more. I also have to say that a lot of my thoughts as a new mom are things that other parents said to me before I was a parent that annoyed the heck out of me. Therefore, I am choosing not to annoy myself or anyone else out there that really wants to be a mom. That longing is still raw and fresh in my mind so I am sensitive to it.

However, I DO want to document several of LB's "firsts" since he came home. He is discovering so many new things and he continues to ooze personality. In just six weeks he has learned to clap, wave, sit up on his own and he knows to raise his arms when I say "so big!"

Here are some photos of a few of his "firsts.

LB was very serious on his first stroller ride. I don't think he cracked a smile the entire time, which is unusual for him. He is still subdued in the stroller but does seem to enjoy the time outside. I am exceedingly grateful that we came home during the late summer/early fall so that we could go on lots of walks and not feel cooped up at home.

This was one of the first times he ate solid foods from his highchair. When we were in Ethiopia he sucked prunes off D's fingers because he couldn't quite master the spoon. Six weeks later he gobbles down just about anything we give him, especially fruit. Although, he is not a fan of peas. There was some serious gagging action over peas.

This was his first time in the exer-saucer. LB loves this thing and you can tell from the photo it was love from the beginning. He jumps for joy and has figured out all the toy stations and I really think it has helped him develop some core and leg strength. Sadly, yesterday we had to raise the seat a level because he was getting too tall for the lowest one. So sad.

We love to Skype with Grandma Kathy. This was one of the first times he did it. I am not sure he knew what to think of the singing, clapping lady on the other end but we had fun. This will be a regular occurrence.

On September 10th LB had his first well child visit with his pediatrician. I LOVE our pediatrician. LOVE. She was recommended to us by some of the other adoptive families and I am so grateful she was accepting new patients. She explains things very clearly but isn't patronizing. LB did great at his check-up and our doc thought he looked great! I tend to agree. (I, on the other hand, look very sleepy.)

Almost a month ago, LB made his first appearance at our Ethiopian Adoptive Family Night. Tiru, the lovely lady on the left, prepares wonderful Ethiopian food for all the families each night and we are so lucky to have her as part of our little community.

Okay, so this photo is not a milestone photo but I just couldn't resist sharing. He was up really early that morning and it's like he can tell I wasn't pleased. My mom calls it his "time-out" face. How can I be mad at that face? Such a cutie!