Update Time

Is anyone still out there? I can't believe I haven't posted since October 14th. It wasn't intentional. Life got busy. And a certain three year old decided he no longer needs naps. Yes, we are going through the dreaded transition of not napping. My typical time to sit down and read other blogs and update my own was beloved nap time. That only happens a few days a week and it seems I have twenty things to get accomplished during that precious free time. Here is a quick update of the past 6 weeks and hopefully I'll find new motivation to blog at night because I do miss this space.

*I got a job!!! Oh yeah, another big reason life got busy. Well, it's a super part time job. I work for a non-profit, Ethiopian Tewahedo Social Services (ETSS), and am part of their after school tutoring program. ETSS started out as serving the Ethiopian immigrant community in Columbus but have expanded their services across the city and serve a wide variety of immigrants and refugees. I know the director of the non-profit because of some volunteering I did for ETSS a few years ago. I emailed him to let him know I was interested in applying for any positions pertaining to teaching English as a second language. He let me know those positions had been filled for the school year but he would keep my resume on file. That was ideal because I wasn't really looking for this school year but wanted him to know I was still interested for next year. About a week later, I got an email from the manager of the after school tutoring program and he said he needed to fill some positions and asked me if I was interested. I decided it didn't hurt to interview and see what they were looking for. I wasn't sure we would be able to make it work in terms of child care but wanted to get my foot in the door. I interviewed and it couldn't have worked out more perfectly. The position is only 9 hours a week and 6 of those hours are spent on site twice a week. The other 3 hours are for prep time that I can do at home. I work at their East side location which serves the children of Ethiopian immigrants! The other great part is that the site is about 5 minutes from D's office. So twice a week I drop off LB with D at his office and then I head to work and they head home. I started a few weeks and so far I love it. I did get puked on by a kindergartener on my third day and also caught a cold from one of them but I guess that is what you expect when you work with little kids. But I love being surrounded by kids who look like mine and share his culture. I will probably learn a lot from them as well. I'm enjoying meeting their parents and hopefully I can be of some help in terms of communicating with schools and providing tutors with extra resources. It's a good outlet for me and I feel really lucky. I also feel like LB is in part responsible for this job. I love how his adoption has had ripple effects on our life.

*LB is going to be 4 years old in two months! I can't believe it. He continues to go to school twice a week and it's been going well so far. There have been a few mornings when he's said he doesn't want to go but he eventually comes around and drop offs have been tear free! I had my first parent teacher conference about a month ago. I was nervous! But it was fine. They have him nailed to a tee! His teachers described him as joyful, social, smart, easily distracted and a bit wild. He also struggles with "walking feet" in the classroom. No shock there. But I love that he has some favorite friends and that they get excited when they see each other. It's especially great when we run into these friends outside of school and they go nuts with excitement. I worry a bit (a lot) about how small he is compared to the kids in his class and most of these friends are actually several months younger than him. But for the moment he seems to hold his own and doesn't let it hold him back. I've been happy with his school. I wish there were more diversity but his teachers have been working with preschoolers for a long time and seem to do a great job with the kids. He comes home with cool crafts and stories of looking at bugs on the playground or pretending to be rabbits with his best buddy. The teachers send me a photo about once a week of LB doing one of the scheduled activities and they post their lesson plans online as well so we can see what they are learning. I'll say it again. I wish there were more diversity. I suppose no school is perfect. Here's his school picture.

*My mom came to visit Halloween week and we had a lot of fun. I hope to do a separate post on Halloween. The timing of her trip was great because D was in California for work and it also ended up being the week I had my interview so her help was a huge gift! We went to the zoo, the OSU airport and she bought LB a new bike. A few weeks before her visit, I was backing out of the garage and clipped the side of his bike. It was officially broken. I felt like the worst mom EVER! LB handled it pretty well. Thank goodness Meemaw came to the rescue.

*So back to this no napping nonsense. In a nutshell, it sucks. The silver lining is that he goes to bed at 7pm on the days he doesn't nap and it's nice to have a full evening to relax with D. One of the first nights he went to bed to 7pm, D and I looked at each other around 8:30pm and couldn't believe how early it still was. I also like not feeling rushed to get back to the house around lunchtime so he can be down for a nap by 1pm. He'll go about 2 or 3 days without a nap and then be in desperate need of one. That seems to be our current pattern. The days feel long that's for sure. I'm working on implementing some quiet time to replace the nap so that I can still get a little break mid-day and he can do something restful. I recently tried to explain quiet time to him and we were brainstorming activities he could do. One of his suggestions was "playing my drums." Clearly, the concept went a bit over his head. We're still working on it. LB has always been such a good napper and I was convinced he would be a regular napper until kindergarten. Sigh. But I should be grateful he lasted this long as I know some kids who gave up their nap at 2. I'm trying to count my blessings. Here he is asleep on the way to the grocery store on a no nap day. It's tough being 3.

*We continue to do music class weekly and we both absolutely love it. The final session for the year was the week before Thanksgiving and I am not sure how we will make it to January. Music is becoming a really big part of his life. I found out about a marching band competition going on at the high school in our neighborhood a few weeks ago and we took LB. It was cold that day but he loved it. We sat in a stadium for 2 hours watching marching bands and he still talks about it. We kept asking him if he was too cold and wanted to go home but he insisted on staying. On Thanksgiving, we were watching the parade and sadly they didn't show too many bands but when he got a glimpse of one he would get really excited and he kept asking us to "check and see" if there were any bands we could go see that day. I'm constantly scouring the internet for cheap and/or free musical events going on around town. I'm excited to take him to Tuba Christmas again in a few weeks. I also can't wait to see how this love of music continues to develop and what it means for him. Maybe nothing. Maybe something big.

That's our past six weeks with a few holes that I plan on filling in soon! I hope all of you had a wonderful Thanksgiving! One more picture before I let you go.

First Day of Preschool

LB started preschool the week after Labor Day. He is going to the same school where he did the Parent's Day Out program last year. This year he will be going two mornings a week as part of their 3s program. Parent's Day Out ended up being a great experience for him and I think it served it's purpose. My hope when I signed up him up last year was that it would help with the transition to preschool. Well, when we walked in the building this August, a few weeks before school started to drop off some forms, LB declared, "This is my school!" I took that as a good sign. I started telling him towards the end of August that school was starting again soon and that he would be in the "big kid three year old room" and that he would have new teachers. When we visited before school started the director showed LB his new room and let him play in there for a while. His new teachers sent a letter to the kids with their pictures so we were able to start learning their names before school started. I also pulled out one of our old Music Together CDs with the song about how Mommies and Daddies come back. We listened to it over and over in the car and I loved hearing him belt out, "Whoever takes care of you comes back because they do love you."

The school does a good job of really easing the kids into it. The first day the parents stay for a bit and then just go down the hall for 30 minutes for a parent meeting and then that's it. Super short. The second day school is only an hour and a half. Finally, on the third day they stay the whole morning. On the first day I made sure to take pictures of LB with his new teachers so that I could update his Safety Book. He learned their names really fast this year so I'm glad I knew all these tricks already and wasn't starting from scratch like I was last year.

I attempted to get a few official first day pictures of him at home in the morning but this was the best I could do.

It was a beautiful morning and LB was really in good spirits. I expected a little more nervousness from him. He insisted on carrying his bag into the school. So precious.

Thankfully, there are several kids from his Parent's Day Out class that are now in the 3s room with him. He was happy to see several familiar faces. I stayed and played with him for a while and when it was time for the meeting I told him I would be gone for a tiny bit and he gave me a kiss and off I went. It was such a relief. After school I bribed him with a sucker and begged him to stand in front of the building so I could get a good picture. He accepted my bribe.

Perhaps I was a bit more nervous than he was. That afternoon we went to Tar.get and mid way through our shopping trip I noticed something was missing.

About 10 concerned citizens of Tar.get approached me to make sure I knew my son was missing a shoe, which made me feel a little dumb. Then when I got home D pointed out that I had LB's school name tag on the back of my shirt. I had forgotten he had put that there. At that point, I was feeling super dumb and decided I must have used all my emotional energy to get through that first day and had nothing left. I don't even want to think about what dumb things I will do on LB's first day of kindergarten.

Here's to hoping he has a great school year!

His Safety Book

Back in September, LB started going to pre-school one morning a week. It is a Parents' Day Out program for two year olds. The idea is that it will be a good introduction to pre-school and that it will make the transition easier when he is three and ready to do school several mornings a week. I wasn't sure how LB would do. He's done great staying at our house with my parents, D's parents and his babysitter. But he is comfortable here at home and going to school is definitely a whole new ball game. I took him several times over the summer just to see the classroom and to give us an opportunity to talk about school and how he will stay with the teacher and play with other kids. I wanted to make sure I found a pre-school that wouldn't be pushy about the parents leaving right away and would work with us in making this transition. When I walked into the preschool I picked for LB, I knew I found the right place. The director was amazing and told me that they have an open door policy and she confided that her oldest daughter really struggled with separation anxiety so she understood how hard it is from first hand experience. I felt pretty confident that if LB was given the opportunity to get comfortable with me close by that he would be okay. Here he is on his official first day.

All summer we watched a show on PBS called Sid the Science Kid. At the beginning of each show, Sid is home for a bit in the morning and then his mom drives him to school. Since LB is obsessed with finding things that are the same, I kept telling him that when he went to school he would be "same as Sid." He latched on to that and I would always make a big deal about Sid getting picked up at school and then going back home. The day arrived and I prepped LB for it a ton. We talked about the schedule and how they would do circle time and craft time and play in the motor room. I took him inside the class and got him settled and then mentioned to one of the teachers that I was leaving. I told LB that we were going to be "same as Sid and that I would be back." LB gave me a kiss and waved and I left. It felt too good to be true. Well.... it was. Several of the moms decided to hang out in the nursery initially just to make sure everything was okay before leaving the building. About 20 minutes later another mom left the classroom and her kid started screaming big time. My heart rate picked up a bit because I knew that the one thing that could derail it for LB would be loud screaming from another kid. He's not a fan of other kids screaming despite his ability for loud screaming. He also feeds off other kids and once that kid started screaming I got a bad feeling about LB. A few minutes later the director came in the nursery to get me. LB had pulled himself together when I walked in the room but was sniffling and clearly upset. He saw me and as he reached his arms toward me he said with such relief, "Me get sad and Mommy come back." My heart was a puddle on the floor. 

In the end, it took a few weeks for LB to adjust. After another failed attempt at leaving, I got the idea to make a book for LB. I remembered someone posting once about providing her kid with photos of his various caretakers during the week. So I decided to take pictures of LB with his teachers and then put those pictures in a book with other people he knows and loves like D and me, his grandparents, my sister, our neighbors, close friends and his OT. I believe pretty strongly that this book ended up being the key to our success. We also worked on a few other catch phrases. "Mommy always comes back." And, "Teachers keep kids safe." LB will scroll through his picture book and say stuff like, "Greema keeps me safe." He also likes to show the pictures of his teachers to other people and tell them their names. LB checks in with me several times a day and repeats, "Mommy always comes back." And I assure him that he is right. It's very sweet and a little sad but mostly sweet. We've had two weeks in a row of successful drop offs at school. The first successful day I was overcome with how proud I was of him. It felt like a major accomplishment. And as my mom said, it's a good thing for kids to learn. They can have other trusted people in their life and learn that their parents will come back. I keep the book out in the living room so that I am reminded to show it to LB a few times a day. 

Here are a few pictures of his safety book.

It's fun to hear his interpretation of the morning and to see the art work he has created. I knew LB would get there and that it would just take some time. And let's face it, I needed time to transition too. 

It feels pretty good to be so attached to this little guy.

Bye Bye Bottles

Back in February LB made a big transition but I was nervous to post about it because I feared he might revert back. However, that was several months ago and the transition seems permanent. We finally said goodbye to his bottles. It happened kind of naturally and very much on his terms, which I was really happy about. When we brought LB home at seven months of age we knew that we wouldn't be following any sort of typical bottle cut off schedule. However, at the time I definitely didn't envision using them until he was 2. A lot of things factored into using them longer than predicted. He was so tiny when we brought him home and the nannies at the orphanage were waking him in the middle of the night to feed him. It was the right decision because he really needed all the nourishment he could get. He continued with that schedule for about a year after being home. Luckily, it was a pretty easy process. Most nights LB would wake up and I would give him a bottle and then he would go right back down. Of course, I was not a fan of getting up almost every night but he needed it. Our pediatrician was also on board, which I know sometimes doesn't happen, and having her reassurance meant a lot. LB's OT also didn't push us to get rid of them and said that actually he probably got a lot of good sensory output from the sucking.

We also knew that bottle feeding and that time rocking together is really good for bonding and attachment. LB had a lot of anxiety surrounding his bottles the first month or so he was home. He would see the bottle and would cry and cry until it was safely in his mouth. But once it was in his mouth he was so calm and I really enjoyed that quiet time together. Dr. Purvis, author of "The Connected Child," talks a lot about how important it is to take the time to hold your child close and make eye contact. Since we missed out on the first 7 months of his babyhood, I really cherished that time to sit in his rocking chair and tell him over and over how much we love him. Everything stood still in those moments and LB was so peaceful. However, as his second birthday loomed I started to feel really self conscious about his bottle feeding. At that point he was only taking two a day. One was before afternoon nap and the other before bed at night. It was the perfect transition to sleep. I emailed some fellow adoptive moms about LB's bottle feeding just to see if others out there were in the same boat. I got a lot of encouragement not to worry about it or push LB to quit before he was ready. Many of those moms confirmed that their two year olds were also still on bottles. I breathed such a sigh of relief.

One of the moms reminded me to read the sections on bottle feeding in the book, "Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child," by Patty Cogen. I own that book but had completely neglected to check it. There were a few sections on bottle feedings and they actually encouraged extended bottle feeding. I wish I had thought to check that book months ago to save myself hours of agonizing. She says, "A young child's sucking activates the vagus nerve, which in turn regulates the child's breathing into a smooth, slow pattern of inhaling and exhaling and slows the child's heart rate." She continues to say that "when a child associates sucking with a parent's voice, eye contact, and general presence, and eventually with a cuddly object, a foundation is laid for new soothing possibilities that do not rely on sucking. Infants suck on bottles and thumbs, preschoolers hang on to their favorite blankets or stuffed toys, and older children wear a favorite shirt day in and day out." Thankfully this part didn't apply to me but she did confirm that "most pediatricians and dentists see primarily non-adopted children, who have had lots of opportunities to develop their co-regulation; it is easy for them to overlook the special meaning of a bottle for an internationally adopted child." I found it all to be really fascinating and it was reassuring to think about LB's development through those steps. When we first brought him home we noticed that even when he didn't have a bottle he would make a sucking sound when he was tired and ready to fall asleep. He eventually latched on to a favorite blanket and the sucking sound changed to a motoring sound. Clearly, he was developing ways to soothe himself. Now he still has his blanket and I make sure we never leave the house without it. He rarely makes the motoring sound anymore although I do hear him doing it in the middle of the night occasionally. I'm not sure what it says about me since I am pretty sure I sucked my thumb past kindergarten but we won't go there.

We had been trying to give him milk through his sippy cup in the months leading up to his birthday but he would give you a funny look if there was milk in his sippy. The look said, "Hey! This is supposed to be water or juice. I don't drink milk out of this thing." Soon after LB's second birthday it seemed like he just wasn't interested in the bottles anymore, especially at night. He wanted to read books or play with toys. It took a while to get through the whole bottle so we started offering some of his milk in the sippy and some in his bottle. When it seemed like he was more comfortable with this sippy we tried one night to do all of the milk in the sippy. I told myself that if he asked for his bottle we would do that too but he didn't. It was a little harder to transition off at nap but a few weeks later he was fine with just his sippy then too. It took a little trial and error to come up with the right pre-nap routine but I think we are there now. It feels good. Bye bye bottles. I miss you but am glad my boy is comfortable without you.

Still Adjusting?

Our first child, the dog, seems to still be in the adjustment phase of our adoption. I actually thought she was doing much better and didn't seem to be sulking around as much as she did when Ezra first came home. Remember these photos? I thought the dog would like our new arrangement since I am home more and not at work all day. Most days she just follows us around but keeps to herself. Our days usually look like this:

However, over the past few weeks she has been acting out a bit. Thankfully, she is not at all aggressive towards Ezra but she shows her jealously in other ways. For example, last week Ezra was playing in his exersaucer and I was sitting on the floor close by. She clearly wanted to be noticed and was going to make sure of it.

She positioned herself in between Ezra and me so that I could barely see Ezra. Ha! She just sat there and didn't want to move. Sigh. Last week she bit a hole in my pants and when Ezra and I were upstairs she stayed downstairs and chewed up the kleenex box. I guess sometimes you take one step forward and two steps back. Here's to hoping this is just a phase. How could she not love this face?

Are you Ready?

Tomorrow evening we will meet with our social worker for our 3 month post placement visit. I cannot believe we have been home for 3 months already. I am not sure what we are going to talk about but I imagine she will ask how our transition has been going. I have to say that I am quite proud of our little family and how far we have come over the past 12 weeks. The hardest time for me so far was the week D went back to work. Since we had to go to Ethiopia twice he didn't have a lot of vacation left and was only able to stay at home for one week. I remember sending some pretty desperate texts to him those first few days and just staring out the front window trying to will his car to pull into the driveway. I was just so exhausted. Those first few weeks I didn't have LB on any sort of napping or feeding schedule yet either as we were still getting to know each other. It is such a good feeling to have a better sense now of how much food and sleep he needs in a day. That sounds so basic but it has made a huge difference. LB is clearly a much happier kid when he is a routine.

The months leading up to bringing LB home I had a lot of people ask me, "Are you ready?" Even then it seemed like a silly question because how can you ever truly prepare yourself for motherhood. It isn't like training to run a marathon or studying for the SATs. It is almost impossible to predict how you are going to react to things like getting up several times in the middle of the night or having your baby cry and you don't know why or taking your kid to the ER at 3am (don't worry he's okay). I think in those initial moments of parenthood it is all about survival and there isn't a class you can take or a book you can read that will help. During our third or fourth week home, I remember that I desperately wanted to go to Target. We had been hunkering down at home and I was ready to get out and do something. I remember telling D in the evening that LB and I were going to run some errands the next day. I think it took me 3 days to actually do it. LB was either not napping well or I was trying to time napping and feeding so we would have a window to do stuff like that and it just fell through. There is no doubt that I am total wimp when it comes to my sleep. LB has started sleeping through the night, which has been wonderful, but two weeks ago he had a cold so he was not sleeping very well. At midnight I said some not so kind words to D, who was just trying to help, because I was just so tired. I am not sure I will ever adjust to interrupted sleep. I think I just need to come to terms with that! I have mentioned before how much the wonderful weather was a total gift to me in the beginning. I give major props to women who become mothers in the winter. The fresh air was good for my peace of mind and I know it was good for LB too.

If you are a glass half full type of gal then perhaps the "are you ready" question also applies to the wonderful moments. There are times when I am rocking him to sleep or we are making funny faces at each other and I am just overcome with joy. I will tell you that D can make that kid laugh so hard. I will make the same face or the same noise and I'll get a chuckle but when D does it then LB lets out a full belly laugh. The other night I was in the kitchen and D and LB were in the living room playing. D was making funny noises and I just stood there and smiled as I listened to LB laugh. Of course, I have always thought that I married a handsome guy but watching D with LB puts his good looks at a whole new level. (Yes, I am trying to make up for those not so kind words.)

D and I are lucky in that LB is a happy baby and he has been very forgiving of all the mistakes we've made so far. I hope that he continues to be so forgiving as I know we will never be perfect. I do my best not to dwell too much in the past but looking back in this way and being able to see our progress is such a wonderful feeling. Hopefully, I will feel the same way at our 6 month visit!

His Person

Long before I became a mom I marveled at how a mother could make her baby stop crying by just holding him. I think everyone has witnessed a moment where a family member or friend is holding someone’s baby and the baby starts to cry or fuss. That person will then hand the baby back to the mom and instantly the crying stops. The baby feels safe and secure again just from their mother’s touch. I always thought that was beautiful and wanted to be that safe and secure person for a child. As an adoptive parent, I knew that it would take some time and some work to get LB to that point. I would say Ezra felt safe with us from fairly early on but I am not sure that he actually preferred us or that we were able to provide true comfort when he was upset. Several of my adoptive mom friends told me to give it time and that it would come. Patience is not one of my strengths and I so longed to be LB’s person of comfort. Waiting for those signs of attachment has been hard.

Last week I took LB to his 9 month well visit at the doctor. I knew he would be getting more shots as our doctor explained that at our previous visit. When we went to the doctor the first time we were able to get him to calm down with a bottle. He cried until we got to the waiting room and then as soon as he had the bottle he was fine. For this most recent visit I was taking him by myself so I had the same plan of attack. The nurse came in to give him his shots and I started to get the bottle ready. Of course he started screaming while he got the shots and then the nurse picked him up while I finished pouring the bottle. He continued to cry as the nurse held him. I got my stuff together and the nurse handed LB back to me. I fully expected him to continue to cry until I got that bottle in his mouth. Do you know what happened? He stopped. He looked at me and sniffled a bit but he stopped. The nurse said, “Well, look at that. He just needed his mama.” I almost gave the nurse a hug. I held him tight and hugged him and he was back to his silly self. I was his person. And it felt amazing.

A Few Firsts

We have been home about six weeks now and there is so much to remember about our first weeks together as a family. I want to write more about our transition but I feel like we are still in the middle of it so it seems premature to do any serious reflecting. Although, I do think that I am much more in tune with LB's needs and rhythms than I was a few weeks ago. That is a good feeling. My hope is that with each day he is attaching to us more and more. I also have to say that a lot of my thoughts as a new mom are things that other parents said to me before I was a parent that annoyed the heck out of me. Therefore, I am choosing not to annoy myself or anyone else out there that really wants to be a mom. That longing is still raw and fresh in my mind so I am sensitive to it.

However, I DO want to document several of LB's "firsts" since he came home. He is discovering so many new things and he continues to ooze personality. In just six weeks he has learned to clap, wave, sit up on his own and he knows to raise his arms when I say "so big!"

Here are some photos of a few of his "firsts.

LB was very serious on his first stroller ride. I don't think he cracked a smile the entire time, which is unusual for him. He is still subdued in the stroller but does seem to enjoy the time outside. I am exceedingly grateful that we came home during the late summer/early fall so that we could go on lots of walks and not feel cooped up at home.

This was one of the first times he ate solid foods from his highchair. When we were in Ethiopia he sucked prunes off D's fingers because he couldn't quite master the spoon. Six weeks later he gobbles down just about anything we give him, especially fruit. Although, he is not a fan of peas. There was some serious gagging action over peas.

This was his first time in the exer-saucer. LB loves this thing and you can tell from the photo it was love from the beginning. He jumps for joy and has figured out all the toy stations and I really think it has helped him develop some core and leg strength. Sadly, yesterday we had to raise the seat a level because he was getting too tall for the lowest one. So sad.

We love to Skype with Grandma Kathy. This was one of the first times he did it. I am not sure he knew what to think of the singing, clapping lady on the other end but we had fun. This will be a regular occurrence.

On September 10th LB had his first well child visit with his pediatrician. I LOVE our pediatrician. LOVE. She was recommended to us by some of the other adoptive families and I am so grateful she was accepting new patients. She explains things very clearly but isn't patronizing. LB did great at his check-up and our doc thought he looked great! I tend to agree. (I, on the other hand, look very sleepy.)

Almost a month ago, LB made his first appearance at our Ethiopian Adoptive Family Night. Tiru, the lovely lady on the left, prepares wonderful Ethiopian food for all the families each night and we are so lucky to have her as part of our little community.

Okay, so this photo is not a milestone photo but I just couldn't resist sharing. He was up really early that morning and it's like he can tell I wasn't pleased. My mom calls it his "time-out" face. How can I be mad at that face? Such a cutie!

Friday Favorite Fotos

I took this photo about three weeks ago.

And these were taken today.

I think LB is starting to win her over.