Are you Ready?

Tomorrow evening we will meet with our social worker for our 3 month post placement visit. I cannot believe we have been home for 3 months already. I am not sure what we are going to talk about but I imagine she will ask how our transition has been going. I have to say that I am quite proud of our little family and how far we have come over the past 12 weeks. The hardest time for me so far was the week D went back to work. Since we had to go to Ethiopia twice he didn't have a lot of vacation left and was only able to stay at home for one week. I remember sending some pretty desperate texts to him those first few days and just staring out the front window trying to will his car to pull into the driveway. I was just so exhausted. Those first few weeks I didn't have LB on any sort of napping or feeding schedule yet either as we were still getting to know each other. It is such a good feeling to have a better sense now of how much food and sleep he needs in a day. That sounds so basic but it has made a huge difference. LB is clearly a much happier kid when he is a routine.

The months leading up to bringing LB home I had a lot of people ask me, "Are you ready?" Even then it seemed like a silly question because how can you ever truly prepare yourself for motherhood. It isn't like training to run a marathon or studying for the SATs. It is almost impossible to predict how you are going to react to things like getting up several times in the middle of the night or having your baby cry and you don't know why or taking your kid to the ER at 3am (don't worry he's okay). I think in those initial moments of parenthood it is all about survival and there isn't a class you can take or a book you can read that will help. During our third or fourth week home, I remember that I desperately wanted to go to Target. We had been hunkering down at home and I was ready to get out and do something. I remember telling D in the evening that LB and I were going to run some errands the next day. I think it took me 3 days to actually do it. LB was either not napping well or I was trying to time napping and feeding so we would have a window to do stuff like that and it just fell through. There is no doubt that I am total wimp when it comes to my sleep. LB has started sleeping through the night, which has been wonderful, but two weeks ago he had a cold so he was not sleeping very well. At midnight I said some not so kind words to D, who was just trying to help, because I was just so tired. I am not sure I will ever adjust to interrupted sleep. I think I just need to come to terms with that! I have mentioned before how much the wonderful weather was a total gift to me in the beginning. I give major props to women who become mothers in the winter. The fresh air was good for my peace of mind and I know it was good for LB too.

If you are a glass half full type of gal then perhaps the "are you ready" question also applies to the wonderful moments. There are times when I am rocking him to sleep or we are making funny faces at each other and I am just overcome with joy. I will tell you that D can make that kid laugh so hard. I will make the same face or the same noise and I'll get a chuckle but when D does it then LB lets out a full belly laugh. The other night I was in the kitchen and D and LB were in the living room playing. D was making funny noises and I just stood there and smiled as I listened to LB laugh. Of course, I have always thought that I married a handsome guy but watching D with LB puts his good looks at a whole new level. (Yes, I am trying to make up for those not so kind words.)

D and I are lucky in that LB is a happy baby and he has been very forgiving of all the mistakes we've made so far. I hope that he continues to be so forgiving as I know we will never be perfect. I do my best not to dwell too much in the past but looking back in this way and being able to see our progress is such a wonderful feeling. Hopefully, I will feel the same way at our 6 month visit!