Thank you so much for all the wonderful advice! I definitely feel encouraged and empowered to talk about it with the librarian the next time we are there. And I love the idea of suggesting the book, A Mother for Choco. My mom, a retired librarian, emailed me yesterday that she told a few librarian friends about our experience and they all agreed they would not be offended if a parent approached them. And they hadn't thought about how outdated the "Are You My Mother" book is so my mom got the opportunity to explain it to them. Thank you, Mom!
Despite the situation at the library, I have been thinking about fortunate we are in that the majority of the comments we get about our adoption are positive. Last week we went out to dinner with our neighbors, who are some of LB's biggest fans, and one of them asked me if we had ever received any negative comments about the fact that LB is black. I paused for a moment to think about it and happily was able to tell her no. Ever since we brought LB home I have been preparing myself for such a situation. There are people who have been overly curious in asking questions about his birth story and kids at the park commonly ask questions but there has been nothing that overly offended me. This morning at the park a six year old boy asked me if I was LB's babysitter. I told him, "No. I'm his mom." And his response was, "Oh. Okay." Kids tend to be pretty accepting. Several weeks ago a girl, who was also about six, asked me if I was LB's mom. I told her that I was and she said, "Oh. So he's adopted." Her tone was so matter of fact that it surprised me. And then she went about playing before I could confirm she was correct. I remember last summer a little girl looked at me and then looked at LB and exclaimed, "Your baby doesn't look anything like you!" True. Obviously, at this age I have no idea if these comments are registering with LB. And I have to imagine that as he gets older it could be a source of embarrassment and frustration that we always have to confirm our relationship as mother and son. But I am grateful that the questions have been of a curious nature and not mean spirited. We've been lucky. In more ways than one.
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Despite the situation at the library, I have been thinking about fortunate we are in that the majority of the comments we get about our adoption are positive. Last week we went out to dinner with our neighbors, who are some of LB's biggest fans, and one of them asked me if we had ever received any negative comments about the fact that LB is black. I paused for a moment to think about it and happily was able to tell her no. Ever since we brought LB home I have been preparing myself for such a situation. There are people who have been overly curious in asking questions about his birth story and kids at the park commonly ask questions but there has been nothing that overly offended me. This morning at the park a six year old boy asked me if I was LB's babysitter. I told him, "No. I'm his mom." And his response was, "Oh. Okay." Kids tend to be pretty accepting. Several weeks ago a girl, who was also about six, asked me if I was LB's mom. I told her that I was and she said, "Oh. So he's adopted." Her tone was so matter of fact that it surprised me. And then she went about playing before I could confirm she was correct. I remember last summer a little girl looked at me and then looked at LB and exclaimed, "Your baby doesn't look anything like you!" True. Obviously, at this age I have no idea if these comments are registering with LB. And I have to imagine that as he gets older it could be a source of embarrassment and frustration that we always have to confirm our relationship as mother and son. But I am grateful that the questions have been of a curious nature and not mean spirited. We've been lucky. In more ways than one.
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Oh man, I love this kid. Such a stud.
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Oh man, he is a stud!!! :)
ReplyDeleteI love the questions we get from kids. They are so straightforward, never seem to have a hidden agenda, and are just so pure. I also often get questions at the park from the little kids.
I think it's wonderful that you receive such positive comments. I've been pretty lucky (in many ways) myself. And I do realize that even when a question/comment makes me cringe a little, the person asking has no mean intent. . . and at th eend of the day, that means everything.
We haven't gotten too many bad ones- mostly "are you the babysitter" or "are they foster kids" but recently K has noticed that often when people (especially kids) ask if she is my daughter that they ask 2 or 3 times (as if they thought I answered wrong the first time) She is asking why people always ask 2 times if she is my daughter. So we have had to talk about how people are surprised because we don't match. She deals with it fine but is certainly noticing now that she is a little older.
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