Stick Gathering

As D and I went through the adoption process, I had several little panics and one major panic along the way. We'll save the major panic for another time. But one of the smaller panics came about as I was reading through several of the questions we had to answer on one of the initial forms. It was something along the lines of listing how you and your spouse are involved in your community and what activities you are a part of. I sat there and started to rant to D about how we aren't involved enough and that we had failed our Earlham College educators. He may have rolled his eyes. And I guess I didn't think we would get denied because of it. (Okay fine, maybe I did a little. I was fragile.) But that one little question was really eye opening and it reminded me of Earlham years and what we'd experienced. Obviously, Earlham sets out to help their students become better readers, writers, scientists, etc. but I really think one of it's main goals is teach young people the importance of community and to encourage them to go out into the world and create that space for other people. "They gathered sticks and kindled a fire and left it burning" is engraved on the fireplace of the cafeteria for a very important reason. Yes, it's in honor of the early Quaker founders of the college but it's there to remind us that community is a very sacred and spiritual thing. I think about all the people that rallied around my family when my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and how night after night someone else brought us dinner and reminded us of all the friends and support we had. That's because my parents had created several communities for themselves and for my sister and me over the years. Yes, D and I had wonderful, close friends living near us and D had been at his company for several years and was close to many co-workers and I remained in touch with many of my former co-workers and we had our Earlham friends that were spread out all over the country but we weren't doing what Earlham had encouraged us to do. There wasn't a lot of fire building going on. I think we had gotten stuck in going through the motions of daily life as a double income, no kids couple. D played on an over 30 soccer league and I had gotten involved in some political campaigns but really it was minimal. We went to work and came home and watched tv or read or talked and then we woke up the next morning and did it all over again. On the weekends, we got together with friends and watched Buckeye games together and of course that friendship and those gatherings had meaning. But overall our life was lacking something. We weren't really reaching out. And it wasn't just because we didn't have kids. We simply weren't gathering sticks. We were having fun but we were stuck.

I've been reflecting a lot lately on how that has changed since we started the adoption process and how I feel a part of so many little but glowing fires here locally. Becoming active members in our adoption community has obviously been a big deal for us. I've rambled many times in this space about how beloved and important those people are to D and me. I'll spare you this time. But becoming parents in this new neighborhood of ours has also played a major role in our stick gathering and fire building. I feel surrounded by people who also recognize the importance of gathering for a purpose.

For example, do you see the mom and daughter that are in between LB and the librarian? The mom is wearing a purple tank top and has dark brown hair? Well, that is Jodi. She is a community builder in the truest sense of the word. LB is about 17 months old in this photo and Jodi's daughter, Cora, is probably just over a year old in this photo. We've been going to story time at the library since our kids were little and that's where we first met. We would also often run into each other at the farmers' market where our kids would dance along to the live music. Jodi is an art educator and through her connections at the Columbus Museum of Art has started a toddler time art class for several of the families she knows through music class and story time in our neighborhood. LB and I are lucky to be a part of it. In just two sessions, I've learned a lot from Jodi about doing art with LB at home and in our day to day activities. (Her blog, Outside the Lines, is listed on my sidebar. Check it out.)What I think is especially great though is that Jodi has brought together families from our neighborhood to utilize a resource in our city that we maybe didn't realize was available to us. Yes, when we took the kids in to one of the galleries yesterday it was nerve racking because they couldn't really run and touch and do all the things toddlers do. LB was not on his best behavior. But we've been welcomed. And our kids are learning and exploring together. Jodi's created a community of little, budding artists. For a parent, it doesn't get much better. 

Our museum also has a room designated for kids. Maybe your's does too? Check it out. Here is LB playing with all the magnets. He was very serious about his creation. I accidentally touched one of them and was firmly reprimanded. 

Do you ever let yourself think stuff like, "what if we had just gotten pregnant right away?" Or "what if we hadn't decided to change neighborhoods?" "What would my life look like?" I like to think that my parents' influence and my Earlham education would have eventually worked it's way to the surface of my mind and that daily grind, isolated feeling would have gone away. Who knows. I do know that I am so glad that we didn't get pregnant and that we did sell our old house and move. In the end, that's what matters.

Go out and gather some sticks and build a fire. It feels good.