No Joy for Soy

It has been a rough few days here in the Buster household. Unfortunately, Ezra's belly did not enjoy the joy of soy as I had hoped. His poor little GI system is having such a tough time. After talking with Ezra's doctor yesterday we have decided to switch him back to his formula. Another adoptive mom had suggested this to me and I think it is for the best. The past few days he was in so much pain and I hated that there wasn't much I could do to help him in the short term. He did start saying "Mama" pretty consistently but it was hard to celebrate since he did it while squeezing my neck in pain. Luckily, he seems to be on the mend and last night was acting like his normal, goofy self as he pretended to sneeze. I kept saying "bless you" in a high pitched voice and I think he thought it was funny. Damon and I were both laughing pretty hard at Ezra's fake sneezes.

Last Friday I took Ezra to the adoption clinic for his 6 month follow-up and all the nurses there remembered him from when we first brought him home. (at least they told me they did.) They were impressed with how well he mimics and how much he seems to understand. I love that at our adoption clinic a lot of the nurses and aids have adopted themselves. One of the nurse practitioners was holding him while I put my coat on and Ezra was reaching for me. She commented how great it was that he preferred me. Most people outside of adoption circles don't usually notice that attachment stuff so it's nice that they are in the know. Side note: Have I mentioned that I think nursing is probably one of the most under appreciated professions? I really think I need to write an ode to nurses. The nurses at the adoption clinic and at our pediatrician's office have so wonderful and even with my own medical stuff I have consistently encountered nurses that I would consider to be angels. Thank you nurses of the world for being so amazing!

The bummer part about the results from his trip the clinic is that it looks like Ezra may have to do a 9 month antibiotic treatment as a precaution for a dormant TB germ. I was pretty upset when the nurse told me Ezra will have to get a chest xray. The thought of him being in a white tube by himself and not having any idea what is going on makes me want to cry. I know it will be over fast but Ezra does not even like it when they take his temperature. It will be an ugly couple of minutes for him and for me. I know there are far worse things so I will put my brave face on for him and maybe find a new toy to give him when it is over.

Adding to my frail emotions this week, there are some rumors swirling around about possible changes in Ethiopia regarding inter-country adoption. If you are not entrenched in the Ethiopian adoption community then you may not have heard about this. Basically the government ministry that oversees adoptions in Ethiopia is talking about drastically reducing the number of cases they would process a day resulting in major slow downs. My understanding is that government officials are meeting this week to discuss these changes. As I was telling my mom about these rumors over the weekend, I had to fight to hold back tears. There is absolutely the need for reform and there are most certainly agencies that are not acting in the best interest of all parties involved. It makes my stomach hurt knowing that birth families have been deceived. However, I hope the government can come to a resolution that will allow adoptions to move forward in an ethical manner without such drastic slow downs. The emotions of the adoption process are still very raw for me. This time last year we were anxiously awaiting our referral. There is a reason anxious is in bold. I was a mess. I can only imagine the fear and doubt that is creeping into the minds of families currently in process. I am trying to hold on to hope for them, the children and the people of the Ethiopia. Selfishly, I can't help but think of the diminished possibility of bringing home another son or daughter that shares Ezra's culture and ethnicity.

Here is a link to a sign a petition.

http://www.gopetition.com/petition/43714.html

Tuesday Tangents

Ezra has cut his second tooth. His little grin is even more cute to me now. I may be regretting that I said the teething process doesn't seem to be bothering him. He has not napped well the past couple of days and last night he woke up at midnight crying. I suppose it could have been a nightmare but his napping issues during the day seemed to point to teething. Or maybe it was stomach problems. I wish he could tell me.

Ezra is starting to get really good at pulling himself up on things. You can tell once he has reached the standing position that he is so pleased with himself. He flashes you a great grin and gets all excited. He has reached a stage when all he wants to do is stand or walk. However he can't stand on his own unless he has something to hold on to and he definitely can't take steps independently yet. This means that I am getting a pretty good workout. My mom told me my jeans are going to have holes in the knees pretty soon. I am glad he is wanting to do these things but it wears me out! Too bad my birthday is still 6 months away because I know I would be asking for gift certificates for a massage.

It is possible that Ezra looked at me this morning and said, "Mama." It totally took me off guard so I can't say for sure. He has been babbling the "Ma" sound a lot recently but he has never addressed me with that term. Stay tuned.

I have started brainwashing teaching Ezra about politics. Too early? Perhaps. However, what I am teaching him is very cute. He hasn't quite perfected it yet but when he does I promise to post a video. No matter what your politics, I promise it will make you smile.

Ezra and I went to a 1st birthday party this past weekend for one of my friend's daughters. I was talking with the birthday girl's grandma and she was asking me some questions about Ezra. And then she said something incredibly refreshing. She told me, "You guys are so blessed to have Ezra." Yes! Usually people say the opposite and tell us how lucky Ezra is that we adopted him. I know the intentions are kind and they are just trying to pay us a compliment. However, it always makes me cringe. I know a lot of adoptive moms write about this and how hard it is to respond to that comment. I am glad Ezra isn't able to understand those words yet. The circumstances that led to his adoption are far from lucky. I don't want him to ever feel he owes us extra gratitude. He made me a mom and Damon a dad. We are the grateful ones. I also know that as an adoptive mom I am much more in tune with the loss that leads to adoption and I don't expect everyone to get that. Heck, I am sure before adoption was on my radar screen I may have said the same thing to an adoptive parent. So it was just so wonderful to have someone recognize how we feel.

Two years ago today my Grandma Virgina passed away. I have been thinking about her a lot this morning and what she would have to say about Ezra. My Grandma was well known for using superlatives a lot in her speech. Everything was always the best, most, funniEST, etc. Perhaps she would have said he is the most expressive baby ever or he has the biggest eyes. At some point when I was in high school my Grandma put together a folder for me with photos and descriptions of all the things she was doing when she was my age. I think it was a way to show me how some things had changed yet others remained constant. She was always teaching. I used that as inspiration for an assignment in a creative writing class in high school. It was the one poem my teacher, who was known for being a tough grader, gave me an "A." My mom recently found the poem and sent it to me. I thought it would be fun to share.

I sit on the cold hard floor

of my grandma's attic

photo albums surrounding me.

Yellow faded pages crinkle with every slight touch,

each black and white picture carefully dated.

I turn page after page,

delicately,

hardly blinking.

Grandma and Great Uncle Ross

playing marbles - 1921

Creating obstacles

with furniture, twigs, and utensils.

Ballroom dancing lessons - 1928

Face Flushed

Stuck with a short toe stepper

Stumbling through the fox trot.

Thanksgiving dinner - 1930

cutting carrots and potatoes

Being helpful.

Standing outside Border Star School - 1931

Alice on one side, June on the other

Dressed in kimonos

Chrysanthemums in their hair

She is my age - 1935

Packing her Royal Typewriter and Atwater Kent Radio

Off to an all girls' college in Boston.

She smiles,

eyes filled with hope,

suitcases full of promises.

Lastly, a photo for you as the final tangent of the day.

As my grandma would have said, the cutEST.

A Tooth!

Yes, it is true. Ezra has finally cut his first tooth at the elderly age of 13 months! He has been working on this tooth for a long time. It makes me laugh to think how many times over the past 6 months I declared that, "he was teething and must be getting ready to cut a tooth any day now!" Any day now? Boy, was I off on my predictions. I noticed that it had cut through a few days ago and Damon and I were so excited! The other bottom tooth is also right at the surface and hopefully we will be celebrating that tooth soon too. The good thing is that it didn't really seem to bother him. I know some people say their kids get a fever or don't sleep well but the tooth cut through without any of that. Knocking on wood that trend continues. I had to trick him with a bite of food to get him to open his mouth in a way so I could get a picture of the tooth.

I seriously wondered if he would ever get teeth. Congrats, Ezra!

I also thought I would share a few cute photos from last week. We had two days of unseasonably warm weather and it was glorious to be outside and not have to bundle up in heavy coats and hats. I think Ezra enjoyed it too!

Here's to hoping that warmer weather comes back soon!

Transracial Adoption Panel

A week ago I attended a panel about transracial adoption led by two adult adoptees. It was such a great event and all week I have been mulling over several things that were discussed. My mom was able to join me and I know she found it to be extremely informative. The room was packed and it made me feel really good about Columbus. The first speaker was Rhonda Roorda and she along with Dr. Rita Simon wrote, In Their Own Voices: Transracial Adoptees Tell Their Stories. They have written two other books as well. The second speaker was Kevin Hofman and he wrote, Growing up Black in White. Kevin also has a blog that I have been following for a while now. I bought both of their books and am eager to read them. They spoke very openly with our group and took the time at the beginning to share some personal stories about growing up in white families. Rhonda told us about an African American woman at her family's church who took her under her wings and how important that was to her. Throughout her presentation Rhonda used the metaphor of a garden and giving your children tools that they can use along the way. She said that perhaps your child will seem disinterested in having an African American mentor but she advised that as parents we should think long term. Even if something is rejected initially they may be able to use that tool later in life. It made me think of one of the videos we had to watch for our home study training. The woman speaking was adopted from Korea as a baby. She said when she was little her parents tried to introduce her to Korean food or take her to Asian festivals but she just wanted to get a happy meal like all her friends. So after a while her parents stopped trying. She wished as she got older they had tried again because it was something she wondered about but didn't want to bring it up and possibly hurt her parents' feelings. Kevin and Rhonda both reiterated this point of when you are kid you just want to be like everyone else but as you come of age and begin your search for identity it is important to be able to talk about and explore those things that make you unique.

Kevin talked about how great it was that during part of his childhood his parents moved their family to a predominantly African American neighborhood and so he was constantly surrounded by other people that looked like him. It provided him with a firm foundation. He also discussed the reverse of that and how it was hard when they moved again and this time to a mostly white neighborhood. He wasn't used to being in situations when he was surrounded by only white people. Kevin told us about how certain friendships were instrumental for him. He had a best friend who was white yet that friend sympathized with Kevin and the adversities he faced as an African American. If Kevin told his friend that he thought he was treated a certain way because he was black then his friend wouldn't try and defend the other person but would speak truthfully and tell him that his suspicions were probably right. The whole time Kevin and Rhonda were presenting, I was thinking about how I am going to infuse more diversity into our lives and create types of opportunities for Ezra that will allow him to connect with others of his race and ethnicity. Obviously I can't force friendships but there are things I CAN do. Kevin prepared a handout titled, Advice From An Adoptee To Mom. It is eloquent, to the point and it made me cry (in a good way). He said that after they moved to the white neighborhood he remembers moments where he was outside playing and could see his mom watching from the window. Now that he is an adult and a parent himself he knows that his mom was checking to make sure he was okay and was accepted by the other neighborhood kids. He wishes he could go back in time and tell her that he was okay and was figuring things out. Every time I read that part I tear up because that is really the ultimate goal in raising kids. We want them to be okay.

Kevin created a list of several things he recommends adoptive parents discuss with their kids. What stuck with me after reading the list is that it all boils down to creating an environment where differences can be discussed openly and that parents need to lead the way. Kevin wrote, "Prepare me for the probable while praying for the possible." That really hit me. He said it would have made things easier for him had he been more prepared for the racism he would encounter in his life. Of course, I hope and pray with all my heart that Ezra is never treated differently because of his skin but I know that the chances are slim and it will be something he'll need advice on how to handle. And I know that I won't always be the best person to give him that advice. Both Kevin and Rhonda encouraged us to reach out and ask for help even if it feels uncomfortable. Such good advice.

I wish I could have tape recorded the event and played it for all of you. Rhonda signed her book and addressed it to Ezra. She wrote, " To Ezra: I hope you will enjoy reading this book! Celebrate you and your beautiful family. Best Wishes!" Our family IS beautiful. I'm so thankful for adult adoptees like Kevin and Rhonda who are willing to share their stories with the hope of helping and encouraging others.

February 15th

On February 15th, 2010 Ezra made the journey from Awassa to Addis and spent his first day at the Gladney Foster Homes. It may seem like a strange day to commemorate but I believe it is a very significant day in Ezra's history. He was so tiny yet from the photos that we have of him on that day you can visibly see his fighting spirit. It looks like he is exercising those powerful lungs that he still likes to show off today! When we got our referral I remember being blown away by how much healthier he looked at 4 months old compared to 4 weeks old. He was still a small 4 month old but the differences were staggering. This morning I have been thinking a lot of the nannies that nursed him back to health. The time he spent with them was such a turning point in his life. Their love and care changed his health status from 'failure to thrive' to THRIVING. One of my long time friends is a pediatrician and we asked her to look over Ezra's medical history when we got our referral. I remember her telling me that one of the main reasons she went into pediatrics was because children are resilient. I think Ezra is resilient personified. When Damon and I were in Ethiopia, the Gladney in-country coordinator told us that he would occasionally take photos of Ezra to his original orphanage in Awassa and the workers there were shocked. Thinking about that always brings tears to my eyes. Such a miracle.

I went back and checked my blog to see what Damon and I were up to mid-February last year and I happened to be writing a lot about gratitude. We were working to raise money for shoes for kids in South Africa through our team at Common Threadz and I had shared my overwhelming sense of peace about our journey to adopt. How fitting. Today feels like an appropriate day to share some quotes on gratitude that I was focusing on last February.

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity...It turns problems into gifts, failures into successes, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow. "

-Melodie Beattie

"For each new morning with its light, For rest and shelter of the night, For health and food, for love and friends, For everything Thy goodness sends. " - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Recent Photos

I am going through a phase where I don't like anything that I have to say. I started two blog posts over the past few days and got halfway through and hated how I sound. I either sounded like a whiny brat or like I am the coolest person ever, which I clearly am not. Blech. Now I sound whiny again. This weather could be getting to me. It is probably best I just share some cute photos with you and then be on my way.

In exciting news Grandma Kathy is on her way to Ohio. She must really miss her grandson to brave this winter weather. She is coming a day earlier than planned to get out of Oklahoma before more winter weather arrives. I think a visit from Mom/Grandma is exactly what my spirit needs. Here is a sweet picture of them together over Christmas break. I am sure there will be a lot more of this over the next few days.

I recently checked out a Baby Einstein video from the library that is all about farm animals and Ezra loves it. I try to avoid tv with him as much as possible but I figure a little Baby Einstein here and there isn't going to do permanent damage, especially when he looks like this watching it! I can't wait to take him to the zoo this spring!

I had to take Ezra to the doctor's office yesterday morning. This is how he felt.

He just wanted to curl up on my lap with his blankey. Very unlike him these days. So sad. After his 12 month check-up we started transitioning him off formula and on to whole milk. It has not gone well. After doing some reading online, I am pretty convinced he has an intolerance to milk, which would explain the tummy troubles he has had as long as we have known him. And it explains why the transition to whole milk has exacerbated the problem. We are now trying soy and I am hopeful it will help. It is a bit ironic because I also have a milk intolerance and used to do soy everything. (I recently switched to almond milk.) You could say that Damon is not thrilled about the idea of living with 2 people with dairy issues. We shall see.

He is feeling much better this morning. Yes, I remembered to put slippers on him but not pants. In my defense, I only had one cup of coffee this morning.

Lastly, this is what it looks like at our house when the kids hear the garage door in the evening.

Dad is home!!

Still Adjusting?

Our first child, the dog, seems to still be in the adjustment phase of our adoption. I actually thought she was doing much better and didn't seem to be sulking around as much as she did when Ezra first came home. Remember these photos? I thought the dog would like our new arrangement since I am home more and not at work all day. Most days she just follows us around but keeps to herself. Our days usually look like this:

However, over the past few weeks she has been acting out a bit. Thankfully, she is not at all aggressive towards Ezra but she shows her jealously in other ways. For example, last week Ezra was playing in his exersaucer and I was sitting on the floor close by. She clearly wanted to be noticed and was going to make sure of it.

She positioned herself in between Ezra and me so that I could barely see Ezra. Ha! She just sat there and didn't want to move. Sigh. Last week she bit a hole in my pants and when Ezra and I were upstairs she stayed downstairs and chewed up the kleenex box. I guess sometimes you take one step forward and two steps back. Here's to hoping this is just a phase. How could she not love this face?