The Call Story

Warning: You are about to read a mini novel. If you only have a few minutes I suggest you come back when you have 20 hours to spare. Seriously.

THANK YOU so much for all the wonderful comments! Your kind words made the celebration that much sweeter. I really appreciate all the love!

I always enjoy reading posts on other blogs with all the details of THE call. So, here is how it all went down. Every other Wednesday at work I have to help process payroll for our tutors. The task can be a bit mind numbing as I have to be careful and focused so that I don’t mess up and enter something incorrectly. It was around 1:30pm and I was totally involved in payroll. I really didn’t think it was possible for me to not be expecting the call. Everyone says the call comes when you aren’t expecting it. However, Damon and I had been sitting at the top of the unofficial list for over a month and I felt like I spent every waking moment staring at my phone. There I was going through a timesheet that had errors on it and I was muttering words of frustration when I heard my phone start to vibrate. I glanced at it and saw the 817 area code. I gasped so loudly that my co-worker across the room looked up at me and asked if it was THE call. I answered it and there was Mary’s voice. I have no idea why but I stood up from my desk and walked down the hallway. I am not sure what compelled me to do this but I did. Mary said something about this being our referral call. I told her that I needed to call Damon and see if he was going to be able to go home so we could be together. Mary asked me if I wanted to know anything so I asked her if it was a boy or girl. I am pretty sure she said something like, “I have a tiny, little boy for you.” That moment right there was one of the best of my life. I am so glad that for our first child we decided to be surprised and not choose the gender. Mary told me how precious he was and I am pretty sure I made some sort of squealing noise. We hung up and I called Damon. Listening to the phone ring and knowing I was getting ready to tell Damon that we had a boy brought on the tears. Damon answered and I could tell by the tone of his voice that he was hopeful it was THE call. I said, “It’s a boy!” I think he laughed and said, “Really?” I remember very clearly telling him to leave work right away. I knew it would take him longer to get home. We were both kind of laughing as I kept saying, “leave now!!” After getting hugs from all my co-workers, I rushed out the door. I am pretty sure I hit every single red light possible on my way home. It was also raining that day so everyone was driving slowly. Something I realized on the drive home was that it was also raining on our wedding day. I like that on this other life changing day it was raining.

When I got home our dog was in complete panic mode. She hates rain and storms so she was running around panting like crazy. We weren’t that different in that moment! I set up the computer and just sat there waiting for Damon to get home. When he walked in the door I yelled at him to get upstairs. I don’t think I gave him a moment to put his bag down or anything. He laughed at me. We called Mary back and she said she was going to send us two emails and the first one would have several photos. Once the photos came through Mary gave us some time to look through them and let me tell you he is truly PRECIOUS! We are not allowed to post photos of him until we officially pass court so you’ll have to take my word on it. He has the sweetest face I have ever seen and his eyes are so alert. Then she sent us all his personal information. From that point on I spent the rest of our call crying. I am going to journal privately about that point in our phone call. I will tell you that my heart has truly never ached in that way. I had read before on other blogs about how the excitement of finally seeing your child’s face is often followed by the intense grief for what they have already experienced. To say that happened to me would be an understatement. Even though Damon was not outwardly expressing grief in the same way I was I could tell he was shaken as well. He reached out to me and put his hand on my back for the remainder of the call. I love him. Mary comforted us as well and assured us that it is normal to grieve and we should allow ourselves that moment. God bless her. I know she has been doing this a long time but she said just the right things.

After we got off the phone with Mary, Damon and I spent some time just the two of us and talked through things. I am really glad we did this. It was unplanned but I highly suggest it to any waiting family. There was the temptation to jump right on the phone and start calling our family and friends but we paused and attempted to take it all in. We talked through his story a bit and decided that it is his story and for the time being we are going to keep it private.

Then the phone calling extravaganza began! My mother and sister both cried and it was great fun hearing their reaction once they saw his photos. My dad texted me later and his text read, “he is sooooooo cute.” I thought that was funny because my dad isn’t one to use the word “soooooo” in his speech so I knew he was feeling the grandpa vibes.

Some of the local adopt-o-dads had previously planned to get together that night for drinks so I called Amy with the news and we decided the girls would be crashing the get together. It was great to share the joy with the other adoptive families that we have relied on so much the past year.

May 12^th, 2010. A momentous day for the Buster family! He is a dream come true and I pray that we are able to bring him home soon.

Toss up

I found out last night that we are now NUMBER 1 for a girl too. It could actually be a boy OR a girl. Do you know the song Tradition from The Fiddler on the Roof? I keep hearing that song in my head except instead of the word tradition I hear anticipation. It.is.building.

Do you ever wonder how men and women manage to communicate on a daily basis? Yesterday Damon and I had a very amusing conversation via text. It is clear that I have crossed over into Crazy Town and think about our referral call every moment of every day. Damon apparently is not yet a resident of Crazy Town. So yesterday I had a particular moment of frustration and texted Damon.

Crazy lady: "Why won't my phone ring????"

Mr. Fix It: "Is it on vibrate? Turn it off and then on. You do that by holding down the button."

Crazy lady: "I meant why hasn't Mary called me. I am impatient. I do NOT have a phone problem. You are so literal."

Mr. Fix It: "Oh."

Yep, that is Damon and me in a nutshell. It was reassuring when I polled the other adoptive moms at the ETSS meeting that night about what they would think I meant by, "Why won't my phone ring?" They immediately knew I was referring to THE call. Amy's wonderful husband asked me if I dropped my phone in a cup of coffee. HA! At least Damon and I are not alone. I try not to succumb to stereotypes but sometimes we just fall right in to them.

I got a new pair of shoes over Easter weekend. Here I go with the stereotypes again. I am actually not really a shoe person but for some reason when my mom comes to town I usually end up with a new pair of shoes. Typically we go to DSW and I'll get a new pair of trail shoes or some cute flip flops. This year my mom and I had our eyes set on something different.

We both got a pair of TOMS Shoes in honor of A Day Without Shoes. Damon and I still have our team at Common Threadz and to date have raised enough money for 125 pairs of shoes for orphans in need! We are working towards 150 pairs so we are almost there.

Here is the LINK to donate $10 for a pair of shoes in honor of A Day Without Shoes.

Hopefully my next post will an exciting one!

WAITLIST!!!

We are on the WAITLIST!!!! This is the moment we have been working towards the past 4 months. I was literally bursting with excitement when I got the email at work today. When we had our initial phone orientation with our agency, they told us if we were aggressive we could get through the paperwork stage in 4 months and we essentially accomplished that. I am quite proud of us. It is strange because the past 4 months have been all about work, work and more work to get through all the paperwork and now we enter the wait, wait and wait some more stage. It will be a tough transition. I know for me it didn’t feel like I was really going to become a parent until we reached this stage. Now it feels real. Of course, ask me six months into the wait if it still feels real and I might have a different answer but today it feels real. The average wait times for our agency are currently around 9 months for children under 12 months. We are not putting a preference on the gender.

Before I wrote this post, I went back and read all the posts leading up to this one. I especially loved reading my FIRST POST. I realized that I had set some goals for myself with this blog. I wanted to be able to keep our families and friends posted on our progress, meet other adoptive families that will be able to support us in a unique way and to hopefully raise awareness about adoption and open other peoples’ hearts and minds to the possibility. I am actually quite surprised by how quickly I have met other adoptive moms and the support, friendship and guidance they have offered has been invaluable. I love stalking their blogs for updates on their progress through the process or hearing about how things are going when they bring their children home. I’m not sure if I’ll ever know if I made a difference in terms of raising awareness about adoption but that’s okay. Hopefully, I am planting a seed and if it’s right then the seed will grow.

Even though there won’t be much to report on our personal adoption journey for the next 9 months or so, I still plan on keeping the blog updated as Damon and I continue to educate ourselves about Ethiopia and try to bring awareness about issues pertaining to Africa in general. We’ll also try to do some fun things to help pass the time. Let me know if you have any suggestions!

I know the wait is going to be hard but for now I am rejoicing in reaching this very important milestone! We WILL be parents someday.

It is for us to pray not for tasks equal to our powers, but for powers equal to our tasks, to go forward with a great desire forever beating at the door of our hearts as we travel toward our distant goal. – Helen Keller

CIS APPROVAL!!

The approvals keep rolling in this week! As much as I was hoping that CIS approval would come this week I don't think I was really expecting it. I don't always have the nicest things to say about Ohio but today I am a big fan. Thank you CIS!! We are still waiting on our Ethiopian dossier to make it through the authentication process but I know that process is moving along as we speak.

We actually had a conference call with Mary at Gladney today. Now that we are Gladney approved we will be working with her for the rest of the process. I had read on several other Gladney family blogs about how wonderful she is and the rumors are true. She answered a lot of our questions about how things work once we are on the wait list and she explained the court process in detail. I'm really grateful she will be the one working with us in the next phase and she will be the one calling us with our referral. Literally, 20 minutes after we got off the phone with Mary I got a text from Damon with the big news. The phone was ringing off the hook at work so I didn't feel like I got to celebrate until I got in the car and called my mom to tell her. She, of course, let out a big WAHOO!!

Watch out wait list, the Busters are fast approaching!! Cheers!

Gladney Approval!

I checked my email this afternoon and had a lovely email from Judy at Gladney letting us know we are officially approved by Gladney. WHOO HOO!! I could not contain my excitement at work and had to let out a little squeal. My co-workers were very understanding. We are still waiting on that approval letter from CIS but it sure felt good to get our agency's stamp of approval. In an effort to save time we had been working on our dossier at the same time as the home study and all of our dossier documents are in the hands of Kate at KBS Dossier (she is amazing and I highly recommend using her). She is currently walking them through the authentication process.

I don't know about you other adoptive moms out there but I just let out such a huge sigh of relief when we got that approval. D and I are confident in our ability to tackle parenthood and know that this path of adoption is one we are meant to take. We also know that our friends and family think we are ready for parenthood as well. I had mentioned to people previously how relieved I will be when we get agency approval and they would say things like, "Of course you will be approved. Don't be silly." But for me there was something about this process that made me wonder if people who didn't know us as well would agree. I vividly remember having a minor freak out one night as D and I were filling out documents because I was convinced we weren't involved enough in our community. Okay, go ahead and laugh but I was dead serious. D thought I had temporarily lost it but I was just really questioning if we would be deemed suitable. I totally understand why we have to do things like get background checks, talk with a social worker, go to infant CPR, etc. but through the whole process it feels like you are proving yourself over and over and that just breeds doubt. I don't want my temporary freak outs to discourage anyone who is considering adopting as I know in the end all the ups and downs of the adoption process will be totally worth it! I actually think all this doubt is probably good practice for parenthood in general because the parents I know are always questioning if they made the right decision when it comes to sleep schedules, discipline, dating rules and the list goes on and on.

In my effort to live more in the moment, tonight I am just going to be grateful for Gladney approval and that we are one step closer to our ultimate goal! And tomorrow I will resume stalking the mailbox for that CIS letter. I can't change overnight.

Home Study to CIS and Friends

We received our finalized home study in the mail on Monday and on Tuesday mailed it to CIS! Good news! It is such a relief to know we have sent it off and now just need to wait for approval. Previously we got our fingerprinting appointments pretty quickly so we hope CIS works just as fast for the approval. Our caseworker has sent our home study and some final documents to Gladney so we are hoping to get Gladney approval soon as well. How many times have I used the word HOPE already in this post? But truly that is all we can do through most of this process so I am just getting my hope on early I guess.

Tonight D and I were watching some Friends reruns before the start of So You Think You Can Dance (that show is amazing this season!) and it was the one when the social worker comes to meet with Monica and Chandler to do their home study! Hilarious. If you know anything about me or my family you know we are way too knowledgeable about Friends. My sister and I both find Friends to be like comfort food. It is hard to spend time with my family and not hear a Friends reference at some point. D has been indoctrinated into this way of living and has developed quite a repertoire of Friends references.

Here is an example of a conversation from when we were in Taos.

Background: My sister decided to re-read “Little Women” because she had just read a book about the father so it sparked her interest.

Abby: “Beth is about to die.”

Me: “Oh, I hate that part!”

Dad: “Should we be like Joey and put it in the freezer?”

We all nod our heads and chuckle as if we are recalling a fond memory.

That is just a brief example but literally it happens all the time. I know in the future when D and I look back on how we were nervous about the home study appointment there is no doubt someone will make a comment of Monica and Chandler greeting the social worker with creepy smiles. Hopefully (there I go again) we weren’t too creepy.

Home Study

I just got back from a fabulous weekend home in Tulsa. My mom had a very important birthday and of course it was Mother’s Day. We took a trip to OKC to go to their art museum and to see The Lion King. It was FABULOUS!! I have a feeling that as D and I go through this adoption process I will need to remember the song “Hakuna Matata” on several occasions to keep from getting too stressed. Although, I am in many ways the queen of worry so living with “no worries” is somewhat laughable in my world but I’ll do my best.

While I was away, D spoke to our social worker and set the date for our first home study appointment – next Monday!! This is huge and makes me feel like we are really starting to move through all this paperwork and accomplish something. I am eager to find out what sorts of things we will discuss. From my understanding, they really just want to see our home environment and make sure it is a safe and healthy place for a child. It is a time for the social worker to interview us in person and just learn more about us. A lot of the paperwork we have been working on the past few weeks all goes into our home study. D and I have had physicals, filled out autobiographical statements, completed financial statements, asked various folks to write references and more! So once it is all complete it will be a pretty extensive packet of information about D and me. The U.S. Citizen and Immigration Services require our home study before they finalize approval to allow us to immigrate a foreign born child into the U.S. So as you can imagine the home study is a very important piece. Of course, the faster we get all of this done and get approved then the faster we get on the waitlist!

On a funny note, several weeks ago we were chatting with some of our closest friends here in Ohio about possible baby names for the little buster. One of the couples has a three year old and D and I just adore her. She has MAJOR personality and I think in her twos she had a little crush on D. She referred to him as “my D.” Does it get much cuter than that? Well, back to the original story. We were discussing names and asked for the advice of our favorite three year old. Her exact response was, “umm…. Arson.” Where did she come up with that?! D and I put it on the list but so far there are about 150 other names ahead of it. J

Send us good thoughts on Monday!

The Timeline

It seems that when we tell people we are adopting one of the first questions we get is, “how long will it take?” I wish I had an exact answer to that question, but in the world of adoption there is no exact science to the timeline. However, we do have a rough idea of what it will be like.

Here is what we know so far. We have picked our international adoption agency. We are working with the Gladney Center for Adoption. Their link is on the side bar. We are very confident in this decision as they have been so organized and kind as we start this process. They have so many resources, and it is obvious they do everything they can to keep their families updated on what’s going on in each specific adoption program. We are also working with Worlds Together as our local agency and they will help us through our home study. They have also been extremely helpful and have answered tons of our questions. We are currently working on all of the paperwork. We sent off our I-600A form, which is basically the request for approval to immigrate a foreign-born child into the US. We have submitted our initial applications to Gladney and Worlds Together, we got our FBI and Ohio background check fingerprints completed and we went to the doctors for our physical all in the past week. My arm is still sore from the tetanus shot!

We are told it will take about 4 months to get all the paperwork complete and that includes completion of the home study. Once all the paperwork is approved (hopefully that goes smoothly) then we go on the wait list. The average wait time in Ethiopia for a referral for babies is about 8 months these days. This could change of course by the time we go on the wait list. A referral is basically when our case worker gives us the information on our possible future child. Just because we get the referral it doesn’t mean that child is 100% ours because we then have to go through court in Ethiopia. Getting a court date and getting approved can take around 4 months (unless delayed by the rainy season). There are still things that can happen during that process that would derail it. We will hope that doesn’t happen to us but there are no guarantees. Once we pass court then we make travel arrangements to go to Ethiopia and pick up our baby!!

I find it is really easy to get ahead of myself, but in this moment D and I just need to focus on the paperwork and the home study and get it done. Once all the paperwork is done and we go on the wait list, then I feel like we can use that time to do the more fun things like get the nursery ready, shop for cute clothes, etc. But we feel like any free time we have right now has to go towards the paperwork. Thank goodness D is ULTRA organized because he has really tackled all this paperwork and keeps us on task. Those of you who know D well are probably not at all shocked by this!

Because I enjoy blog posts with pictures I thought I would share with everyone a cute shot of my first “child.”

This is Raney. We rescued her when we she was 2 years old. She was not a happy dog when we first got her and she had SEVERE separation anxiety. I am quite proud of us for pushing through and not giving up on her. It took her a while but Raney is a changed dog and is incredibly loving. She told me the other day that after having us to herself for almost 5 years she is finally ready to have a sibling. Yes, I am one of those dog owners. J