Return - Shoes

I don't look back on the years that D and I went through infertility with too many fond memories. I mostly remember being curled up on the couch, under my red fleece blanket, feeling sorry for myself. However, I did learn a really valuable lesson during that time that I hope stays with me. If you have ever been through infertility then you are probably familiar with the phenomenon of pregnant women coming out of the woodwork to haunt and taunt you. Of course, I know those pregnant women were always there but when you want something so badly it seems everyone else has it but you. I know my mother-in-law told me that when she went through an illness that kept her from eating regular food she became aware of how many commercials, street billboards, daily conversations, etc. are related to food. It was torture for her and I could relate. It seemed when I went to the grocery story there was at least one pregnant woman per aisle. Or when we went out to dinner we were always seated next to the couple that was expecting. To top it off, my office was above an Ob/Gyn office. So everyday I saw women with their perfectly round bellies going in and out of the building or I saw couples standing outside rejoicing over ultrasound pictures. Baby showers were the worst. I had several wonderful friends in Columbus that were expecting and sadly some of those friendships were strained for a while. Thankfully, those same women are still some of my closest friends and have been incredibly supportive to me as a new mom.

During that time I started chatting more frequently with a friend from high school who was also having trouble conceiving. She actually already had a daughter but was going through hell to try and conceive again. She had several ectopic pregnancies and at one point had to be rushed to the hospital and lost one of her fallopian tubes. This friend did eventually get pregnant again and carried her baby to term. I was so incredibly happy for her and her husband and that all of their heartache eventually led to a healthy baby boy. I think it was this friendship that allowed me to start looking at other pregnant women that followed me through the grocery store a little differently. I started to make up stories about each of them. I would tell myself that maybe the lady on aisle 4 had to go through multiple IVF cycles to finally achieve a pregnancy. And maybe the slightly older pregnant lady on aisle 7 waited a long time to fall in love and this pregnancy was an unexpected gift to her and her new husband. Perhaps the pretty blonde in the produce section struggled with eating disorders for years and was finally healthy and happy. I know it seems strange to assign heartache to each woman but I do think we all have our own struggles so it allowed me to feel compassion instead of envy. Perhaps all of them conceived without any trouble at all but the point is that their lives have probably not been perfect. At some point we will all have to overcome adversity. So reminding myself of that helped with my own pain. We certainly never know what it is like to walk in another person's shoes.