In all honesty, the transition to the waitlist brought on all sorts of emotions that I wasn’t necessarily expecting. I knew that I would be extremely excited and I am but in the past week I have also felt overwhelmed and nervous. My sleep patterns have been all over the place. The thought of the wait and all that follows it is a bit daunting. Don’t get me wrong, I can’t wait for us to become parents. However, there are still so many things that have to happen in terms of the adoption process for parenthood to occur that it can all overwhelm me sometimes. I have also noticed that I have been doing a lot of reflecting on the past and the moments or events in my life that lead to our adoption. I am not sure if that was brought on by our entering the waitlist or my upcoming 10 year college reunion or what. I try not to dwell on the past too much but it is hard not to look back and see how you’ve evolved or how certain things make so much more sense now. I hope I haven’t gone too far into lala land that I’ve lost you already.
In all this reflection, I realized that 10 years ago this month I was heading off on one of my biggest adventures. Throughout most of college, I knew that I wanted to live in Japan after I graduated from college. It was just one of those things that you feel with certainty. I clearly remember sitting in the Tulsa airport with my parents the morning of my flight and wondering about what my life would be like for the next year. I had been to Japan twice before but never to live on my own for an entire year. I am sure that I cried my eyes out as I am very close to my parents. But it is safe to say that it was one of the best years of my life. I have such a love and respect for the Japanese culture and I met some wonderful people that deeply enriched my time there. I think when I tell people who know me well that Damon and I are embarking on this journey of adoption they aren’t shocked that we decided to adopt internationally. I have always been very curious of other cultures and languages and luckily learning foreign languages is something that has always come easily to me. In high school I studied Japanese and Spanish and obviously continued with the Japanese. My mom says that I have so much information of other languages stored in my brain that it explains why my English grammar sometimes suffers. The first month or so of my time there was really hard. I was missing my family and missing Damon and just so unsure of how things would turn out. Are you catching on that transition and change are hard for me? My mom told me to give it to November 1st and if I was still unhappy and then we could talk about cutting my year short and coming home. I know that November 1st came and went and I didn’t even notice that it was the cut off day as I was settling in to my new routine and had already made some wonderful friends. My mom sure knows me well. I am not talking about giving myself a cut off day for the wait list obviously (we are in it for the long haul!) but what I mean is that from past experiences I know myself and know that I will settle down.
This Sunday we’ll be having dinner at Abyssinia Café with the local group of people who have adopted or are adopting from Ethiopia and my mom is coming to visit in 2 weeks and Buckeye football season starts, etc. So Damon and I will eventually settle in to the wait and I am sure I will continue to reflect on past moments and be anxious for future ones but I also know that I’ll enjoy what I’m doing in this moment and that this nervousness will come and go and that is okay.
I’ll end my post today with some of my favorite shots of my year in Japan as a reminder of an event in my life that was initially really hard yet really joyful (and yes my hair was really short then!).
At Tokyo Disneyland with one of my best friends in Japan, Saeko.
Two of my best English speaking buddies in Japan, James and Melissa. My time in Japan would not have been the same without these two.
I taught English at a language school and this was a particularly fun group of kids.
Damon and I dated long distance for a year while I was in Japan. But he came to visit for three weeks and we went to several of the more popular tourist destinations.
Cherry Blossom viewing with James and Saeko. It is a sight to see.
When I went to Japan in college I lived with a host family. I visited them several times during my year there and in many ways it was like going home. They were and always will be a second family to me. They treated me like their own daughter and I am forever grateful to the Fujimura Family of Morioka, Japan! Peace.
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If it makes you feel any more at ease, you are completely normal. Along with the exciting feelings comes all of those other feelings you mentioned, and then some. But I am here to tell you, from the whole other side of the process, that it's a lot like childbirth (from what I've heard). All the parts that aren't so fun (like the physical pain in childbirth, and the waiting and not knowing, etc. in adoption) are almost totally forgot about in the end. Our process was grueling at times, especially because we had quite a few major problems, but now I can't hardly remember! And I also can't hardly remember the days where I thought I wouldn't be able to deal with the agonizing wait and not knowing. I'm glad you have a busy fall ahead of you, and the days will certainly fly by and help the process hurry along. :) Lots of love from me in OK...
ReplyDeleteWhat an amazing year! I spent a year in Spain, and I remember it with much fondness. :)
ReplyDeleteAhhhhh. . . Love this post. The fact that you are so culturally aware will only help you with the international adoption. I had friends say the same thing to me about international adoption making sense.
ReplyDeleteI hope you find many things to keep you busy and occupied during the difficult waiting.
:-D