Gratitude

First, how cute is my husband? When he emailed me at work a few weeks ago and told me he wanted to start a team at Common Threadz it made my heart flutter. There are so many things about this adoption journey that I am grateful for but this new shared passion has been an unexpected perk. (More on that later.)

Here is the Team Buster Update: So far 19 people have donated to our team and we have raised a total of $370! That is 37 pairs of shoes for orphans in South Africa! Common Threadz is only 30 shoes short of their goal. If you would like to donate there is still time. Click HERE. Thank you so much to those of you who already donated to our team! We are so appreciative!

I read a really great quote about gratitude a few weeks ago and I have been thinking about it a lot and how the words relate to our journey to parenthood and our new passions. I wanted to share it with you.

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity...It turns problems into gifts, failures into successes, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow. "

-Melodie Beattie

I just love it. I put it on a note card and have it on my bedside table so that I will be reminded to read it everyday. I don't want to lose sight of it.

In all honesty, I have written this post over and over in my head. I have gone back and forth for a while if I would share our pre-adoption journey to parenthood on my blog. My mom told me a while ago that something would happen and I would know it was the right time. I would get a sign. Well, this quote was my sign. Damon and I spent 2007 and 2008 trying to navigate our way through the world of infertility. It was painful and awful and isolating. But you see, this "problem" turned out to be a gift and we have evolved from a state of confusion to true clarity. I have hesitated talking about it up until now because I am not exactly sure who reads this blog and this part of our journey has been very personal so sharing is scary. I also really want this blog to mostly be about our journey to adopt baby Buster (and then maybe baby Buster #2) so I don't want to dwell in the past. However, I think it is important to acknowledge when you move towards a place of peace with something or someone that used to keep you on the couch feeling sorry for yourself. My other worry is that people will pity us or think that adoption feels like a consolation prize. I know that for a while I did feel sorry for myself but that is not how I feel now. I actually see our infertility as a blessing. How amazing is that? This thing that caused so many tears, that made me feel isolated from some of my friends and that triggered fears of never being a mom is actually a blessing?! Crazy talk! That is why I felt such shock when I read the quote and equated it to my life in terms of the infertility. To realize that I was actually grateful was a jaw dropper. Infertility = gift. I think of all the people we would have never met. I have some new friends in my life that I wonder how I used to function without and they are all friends I met through adoption. Damon and I would have never started a team with Common Threadz to raise money for orphans in Africa. I know that when I was in my state of confusion I found several blogs of women who had opened up about their struggles with infertility and I clung to their every word. It was free therapy for me and I am so very thankful to them. I recognize that infertility and the implications of infertility may always be something that will linger and will be a loss I will have to process. I am not naive to that. However, to be grateful for this process and all it has blessed me with is something inside of me that I can't ignore and is something that I want to pass on.

At the end of yoga the instructor always says, "Namaste." There are several versions of the English translation but it was originally explained to me as, "the light within me honors the light within you." That is how I am feeling in THIS moment.

From me to you. Peace.

Team Buster

Damon here…

Emily started this blog quite a while ago to connect with new friends in the adoption community and to keep our family and friends posted on our adoption journey. I never thought that I would end up posting anything, but here it goes.

This adoption journey has opened our eyes to the huge need to draw attention to the worldwide orphan crisis. What has happened in Haiti has temporarily put the orphan crisis in the spotlight but it doesn't stop with Haiti. This is an ongoing problem throughout the world and it is not something that can be solved by adoption alone. We are trying to do what we can to help the orphans of Africa.

Y0u may have noticed the new addition to the side bar on the right. Over the holidays I became aware of a charity and really liked what they were doing. Common Threadz supports orphaned children in South Africa and the local community. For every shirt that they sell, a school uniform is provided for a child; For every bracelet that is sold, a school uniform is provided for a child; For every $10 donation that is made, a pair of shoes is provided for a child. The bracelets and shoes are made locally in Africa.

For $10 you can provide a child with a pair of shoes. Instead of going out to eat at lunch, provide a child with a pair of shoes. Instead of drinking Starbucks coffee this week, provide a child with a pair of shoes.

How far does our network of friends reach? How many children can we help and enable to attend school? I have created a team at Common Threadz - Team Buster to try and answer that question. They have a goal of donating 250 pairs of shoes by the middle of February. They are almost half way there.. Let’s see if we can help them meet their goal.

Things that make me happy

I am not going to lie. I have been in a bad mood. My sinuses are making me crazy, the weather around here is cold and dreary and work has been super crazy. I just hate hearing myself speak these days because I sound like a brat. In addition to all the small stuff, my mind has been filled with thoughts of Haiti. Thinking about conditions on the ground in Haiti puts my bad mood in perspective. I know it has been over two weeks since the earthquake but I still think about the people a lot, especially the children. I will admit that I told Damon last week I had been thinking that if some Haitian children are brought here then I would consider fostering one. I mean we have a completed homestudy and have done all the background checks. But then I read THIS ARTICLE online and listened to THIS PODCAST on PRI and took check of my emotions. I also read Sarah's take on the issue over at Much Has Been Given and she wrote eloquently on the topic. If it is something you have been conflicted about or just want to read a really great post then I highly recommend clicking over and reading it. If a child were to be mistakenly taken from their country and it turned out they were separated from a birth relative that could raise them then that would be truly devastating. But Haiti clearly needs our help and I hope people continue to give generously. I also just heard that NBC nightly news will do a special episode tomorrow night about Haiti adoptions. I'm eager to watch it.
So that is where my mind has been. In an effort to improve my mood and lift my spirits I thought I should focus on some things that are making me smile these days.

Happy Item #1:
I have mentioned my friend, Valerie, on this blog before and how her adoption story was an inspiration to me. Well, she is one of the craftiest and kindest ladies I know. I read her blog regularly and dream of someday being crafty. Recently, she posted about these reusable Starbucks sleeves she made and I was head over heels in love with them. I told her how awesome I thought they were and then just a few days later she emailed me to tell me she would make me one. I think I may have gasped outloud. Last week it arrived in the mail and I LOVE it. Check me out holding my coffee with my incredibly cute sleeve.

Everyone at work was very jealous and the Starbucks employees "oohed" and "aahed" over it. Please notice the "e" for Emily and you can sort of see the Oklahoma on it and there is also the cut out of Ohio on the other side. Truly thoughtful. I have used it several times in the past week and every time I do I just beam. If you are crafty and would like to read her post about it then go HERE.

Happy Item #2:
I read a really great poem about adoption over on the Campbell Party of Three blog. I copied it into a word file so I could save it and possibly use it in a future baby book. It makes me happy.

The Gift of Life

I didn't give you the gift of life,

But in my heart I know

The love I feel is deep and real,

As if it has been so.

For us to have each other

is like a dream come true!

No, I didn't give you

The Gift of Life,

Life gave me the gift of you.

-Author Unknown

Happy Item #3:
Our niece turns 2 this weekend. I cannot believe it. For Christmas she got a kitchen set and is apparently very into it. Damon and I were trying to figure out what to get her and we found the best thing! I actually remember seeing my friend Sam's daughter playing with this in some photos and thought it was the best toy EVER. Wooden Sushi! Are you as in love as me?

Damon's brother and sister-in-law also love sushi so I think it is good that their daughter will get some early training. So excited to give this to her!

Happy Item #4:
Have you seen the movie trailer for the movie, Babies? Oh.my.goodness. This movie is a documentary that follows four babies from around the world. The babies are from Tokyo, San Francisco, Mongolia and Namibia. These babies are so cute that it is almost too much to handle. I watch this trailer and instantly smile. I think it comes out in April. Here is the trailer.

The topic of babies brings me to the final happy topic.

Happy Item #5:
There is a rumor that Benjamin Yared Ornstein will make an appearance at Family Night at Abyssinia Cafe on Sunday. The Ornsteins are part of our group of adoptive families and they brought Benjamin Yared home from Ethiopia on January 2nd. I am beyond happy for them and am so ready to meet the little guy. I have a feeling that tears will be shed.

HAPPY tears, of course.

Books!

In my initial phase of trying to discover all things about Ethiopia I found the website for Ethiopia Reads. I think my mom and I may have discovered it on or around the same day. The founder, Yohannes Gebregeorgis, was born and raised in Ethiopia and later came to the States as a political refugee. He eventually earned his Masters in Library Science from the University of Texas. He started Ethiopia Reads in 1998 and has opened libraries in Ethiopia and has these donkey led book mobiles. Very cool. The website states that they "believe education is the key to improving the lives of the next generation of Ethiopians, a country filled with children, and that books are the key to fostering a genuine love of learning." I couldn't agree more. I write a lot about books and reading on this blog so it is pretty apparent how important books are to my life. Our future child already has a collection of books that just keeps on growing. My mother in law is also an avid reader and has been checking out second hand stores for children's books for us. At Christmas she gave us a huge box full of Dr. Seuss books. My mother in law watches my two year old niece a few days a week and I just envision them going back and forth between different books all day long. Every time I have seen my niece arrive at their house she goes straight to the area with all the kids books. Okay, maybe sometimes she asks for a snack first but then she makes a beeline to the books. It seems that she would rather play with a book over any other toy and I know this is because my mother in law really fosters that.

In my mom's current position at the library one of the things she does is talk to various groups and organizations about the importance of reading to your young children. It makes such a difference! When I envision myself as a mom one of the things that gets me really excited is the thought of curling up on the couch and reading to our child. I am certain that the first time I read a book to baby Buster it will be a defining moment for me.

Today my mom sent me a link to a recent article about the Ethiopia Reads founder. He was invited to speak at this year's American Libraries Association conference. (If you are in Boston then you can spot them all with their canvas bags. I am allowed to make librarian jokes because I am related to one.) You can read the article HERE. The article includes a link to a video. Mr. Gebregeorgis was named one of CNN's top 10 Heroes. ENJOY!

We Shall Overcome

We Shall Overcome

derived from a gospel song by Reverend Charles Tindley

We shall overcome

We shall overcome

We shall overcome some day

Oh, deep in my heart
I do believe
We shall overcome some day

We'll walk hand in hand
We'll walk hand in hand

We'll walk hand in hand some day

We shall all be free

We shall all be free

We shall all be free some day

We are not afraid

We are not afraid

We are not afraid some day

We are not alone

We are not alone

We are not alone some day

The whole wide world around

The whole wide world around

The whole wide world around some day

Oh, deep in my heart

I do believe

We shall overcome some day

We shall overcome

We shall overcome

We shall overcome some day

I went to a very diverse high school and consider myself very lucky. Although as a typical, self-absorbed teenager I know that I mostly took it for granted. The student population was roughly fifty percent African-American and fifty percent white/other. I have very vivid memories of going to one of the older theatres downtown on MLK Jr. Day and singing We Shall Overcome. All of us would stand and hold hands. Thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. Powerful stuff.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” Martin Luther King, Jr.

My prayer is that we can all find ways to be part of the light and love.

One Step at a Time

This morning I decided that a workout and some natural endorphins would be good for the body and mind. I used to run a lot and I know it made a difference in reducing stress and anxiety. My knees are not what they used to be and that has kept me off the road as of late. In my opinion there is nothing like lacing up my running shoes and breathing in some fresh air as I exercise. However, since it is cold and raining and I haven't had knee replacement surgery, I went down in the basement and got on the elliptical. It isn't quite the same but it works as a substitute. We all have our coping mechanisms that get us through tougher times and some of those mechanisms are healthier than others. I NEED to get on the elliptical more often rather than sitting on the couch and crying my way through recorded episodes of Adoption Stories on the Discovery Channel.

As I was rocking out to Closer to Fine by the Indigo Girls on the elliptical, I started thinking about all the other songs that have really helped me through this wait. Have you ever listened to a song and thought that it was written specifically for you? I am not a music buff by any means and often discover musicians way after they have already been discovered. My sister is usually the one who introduces me to new music that I end up wondering how I ever lived without. Abby makes a mean mix CD (that just doesn't have the same ring to it as mix tape) and I love it every time she gives me a new one. She knows my taste and includes music from all genres. I love how hearing a song can bring back a particular memory. Every time I listen to Stay by Lisa Loeb I go back to driving around Tulsa with one my high school best friends, Carrie, in her maroon Toyota. We would turn the volume up as we drove past the homes of our high school crushes and would open the sunroof and belt out the lyrics. I can just smell the Oklahoma summer air. Or like when I hear As Cool as I Am by Dar Williams, I can just see all my college girlfriends dancing around the dirty kitchen floor of Fell House and singing, "I will not be afraid of women." I know that years from now when I listen to some of the tunes that I have on repeat these days it will take me back to this wait and the longing, the aching and the hoping. Here are some lyrics that Abby passed along to me in her latest CD.

Hurry up and wait

So close, but so far away

Everything that you've always dreamed of

Close enough for you to taste but you just can't touch

In your face as the door keeps slamming

Now you're feeling more and more frustrated

And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

We live and we learn to take one step at a time

It's like learning to fly or falling in love

It's GONNA happen and it's Supposed to happen that we

find the reasons why one step at a time

You believe and you doubt

You're confused, you got it all figured out

Everything that you wished for

Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours

If they only knew

When you can't wait any longer

But there's no end in sight

It's the faith that makes you stronger

The only way you get there

Is one step at a time

-Jordin Sparks

Post Holiday Blues

I thought this photo of the Hornes and Busters (say that really fast and give yourself a good laugh) on New Year's Day in KC turned out pretty well.

This past week I was definitely feeling the post holiday blues. I was so excited for the extended break from work and to go to Tulsa and Kansas City that the thought of the vacation being over and getting back to the daily grind put me in a little funk. I also hadn’t been feeling well so that just added fuel to the fire. Luckily, a good piece of news in the Gladney adoption community helped to fight off the blues. Heidi finally got her referral for TWINS! If you want to read a really great “the call” story, I encourage you to go read her blog post. You won’t regret it.

Damon and I are wrapping up a very relaxing weekend so I am feeling rejuvenated and ready to go. Friday night we had a very nutritious dinner. I took a photo.

Okay, not so nutritious but a great way to end a long week. We also watched one of my favorite movies. Here is a clue: Do you know what happened on February 22^nd, 1980? Do you believe in Miracles? I just type those words and I get all pumped up and filled with pride. If you have not seen the movie, Miracle, about the USA hockey team (major underdogs!) beating the Soviet Union at the Lake Placid winter games then you should really go rent it. Again, you won’t regret it. The countdown is on for the Vancouver Winter Games. 33 days!! I am a super freak about the Olympics. It is really ridiculous how clearly I remember past Olympic moments. Do you remember when Kristi Yamaguchi won the gold for ladies figure skating? I do. Do you remember when Kerri Strug sealed the gold for the US in team gymnastics on an injured ankle? I do. Do you remember the track star, Gail Devers, and her crazy finger nails? Oh yes, I do. I think I obsess because I am so thirsty for stories that inspire. I have so much respect for these athletes and all that they sacrifice for a dream. I know that is really cheesy. I just get so happy for them when their dreams are realized. I also know that in the future, I will not only be cheering for the US athletes but for the Ethiopian athletes as well. I may not get the opportunity to do that much Ethiopian cheering in the winter games but the summer games will be a different story. My dad’s step-sister has an adopted daughter from Russia, who I think is about eight years old now. I remember her telling us at my grandma’s birthday party last year how she had cheered on the Russian gymnasts during the Beijing summer games. I thought that was really cute and a cool way to acknowledge her birth country. I can guarantee that the Ethiopian athletes will get lots of cheers from the Buster household in years to come.

A week from today will mark five months on the waitlist. The average wait time for Gladney families seems to be holding steady at seven months. I have to admit that on Friday at work I was on the phone with a very challenging parent and I noticed that my cell phone was vibrating. I glanced at the caller id and it said, Private Number. I got a slight twinge of hope but then quickly came back to reality. I know that it is way too soon but the hope was there. It is still there. We are getting closer.