Here is the Team Buster Update: So far 19 people have donated to our team and we have raised a total of $370! That is 37 pairs of shoes for orphans in South Africa! Common Threadz is only 30 shoes short of their goal. If you would like to donate there is still time. Click HERE. Thank you so much to those of you who already donated to our team! We are so appreciative!
I read a really great quote about gratitude a few weeks ago and I have been thinking about it a lot and how the words relate to our journey to parenthood and our new passions. I wanted to share it with you.
"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity...It turns problems into gifts, failures into successes, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow. "
-Melodie Beattie
I just love it. I put it on a note card and have it on my bedside table so that I will be reminded to read it everyday. I don't want to lose sight of it.
In all honesty, I have written this post over and over in my head. I have gone back and forth for a while if I would share our pre-adoption journey to parenthood on my blog. My mom told me a while ago that something would happen and I would know it was the right time. I would get a sign. Well, this quote was my sign. Damon and I spent 2007 and 2008 trying to navigate our way through the world of infertility. It was painful and awful and isolating. But you see, this "problem" turned out to be a gift and we have evolved from a state of confusion to true clarity. I have hesitated talking about it up until now because I am not exactly sure who reads this blog and this part of our journey has been very personal so sharing is scary. I also really want this blog to mostly be about our journey to adopt baby Buster (and then maybe baby Buster #2) so I don't want to dwell in the past. However, I think it is important to acknowledge when you move towards a place of peace with something or someone that used to keep you on the couch feeling sorry for yourself. My other worry is that people will pity us or think that adoption feels like a consolation prize. I know that for a while I did feel sorry for myself but that is not how I feel now. I actually see our infertility as a blessing. How amazing is that? This thing that caused so many tears, that made me feel isolated from some of my friends and that triggered fears of never being a mom is actually a blessing?! Crazy talk! That is why I felt such shock when I read the quote and equated it to my life in terms of the infertility. To realize that I was actually grateful was a jaw dropper. Infertility = gift. I think of all the people we would have never met. I have some new friends in my life that I wonder how I used to function without and they are all friends I met through adoption. Damon and I would have never started a team with Common Threadz to raise money for orphans in Africa. I know that when I was in my state of confusion I found several blogs of women who had opened up about their struggles with infertility and I clung to their every word. It was free therapy for me and I am so very thankful to them. I recognize that infertility and the implications of infertility may always be something that will linger and will be a loss I will have to process. I am not naive to that. However, to be grateful for this process and all it has blessed me with is something inside of me that I can't ignore and is something that I want to pass on.
At the end of yoga the instructor always says, "Namaste." There are several versions of the English translation but it was originally explained to me as, "the light within me honors the light within you." That is how I am feeling in THIS moment.
From me to you. Peace.
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i was just talking with my mom and matt (at different times) about how blessed i feel to have gone through infertility. and then i said, "can you believe i'm saying this?!" after the horror that it felt like at the time, i can't believe i'm saying it... but it's so true! it's crazy and true. and i feel like some people still see adoption as a "consolation prize" for us as well. i just want to scream, "no!!! not AT ALL!" so many people tell me, "i still think you'll get pregnant." and honestly, i have such a passion for adoption now, i'd rather not! we're already planning on our next adoption :-) sorry to take your comment section over with all my random thoughts... it's just awesome to read how i feel coming from another person!
ReplyDeleteJust beautiful, Emily. Mark and I frequently marvel at what an incredible gift this whole thing has been for us too. Even all the waiting brings gifts, such as friends like you! Thank you for sharing this very personal and touching part of your story. And of course thanks for sharing that wonderful quote. Love it and love you!
ReplyDeleteTingles all over... that's how I feel after reading this post. Thank you for being brave enough to share your story. We all come to adoption in such different ways, but at the end we are all in the same place... blessed.
ReplyDeleteMuch like you, our adoption has brought us full circle to a sense of healing and peace over the journey that life has brought us. This is definitely a joy and not a consolation prize. This life rocks!!!
What a beautiful post Emily. And I know the long road it takes to realizing that infertility is a gift. I look at it the same way though. I've always wanted to adopt but I often wonder if I would have made the very real steps necessary to adopt if I hadn't experienced infertility.
ReplyDeleteI truly believe that everything we experience in life, including the hardships can be looked at as blessings. As long as we walk away from them stronger and wiser. . . which you clearly have done.
I know how isolating IF is, just know you always have friends who have experienced it and are there for you. :)
Great post! Thanks for being honest and vulnerable. The blessings of this journey are about to explode and the infertility journey will be a very distant memory! Can't wait to hear the rest of your story and how it all plays out to get your chocolate chip!
ReplyDeleteyou are so lovely emily. emily's post. i just noticed that ... tee hee. doesn't it feel better just to get that off your chest? and to have so many wonderful sister friends that understand in many ways what you have experienced and what you are experiencing? i heart you so much!!!
ReplyDeleteEmily
ReplyDeleteI loved your quote on gratitude. I am going to steal your idea and read it every day too. You and Damon are going to be the BEST parents! Peace to you :)Patty
That is a wonderful thought about gratitude. I have not yet reached that point re: infertility/pregnancy loss, but I have faith that I will someday. I certainly know that the experience made me a better woman in the long run, and like you, I am very grateful for the people I've met and the opening of my eyes to so much more in the world. I'm glad you've found your peace. Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteYay to it all!
ReplyDeleteI'm printing the Gratitude quote - lovely and so fitting.
Kudos to you for the infertility post. Many of us are here because of it, even if adoption was in our sights from day one. I was also on those boards and I must admit that not until I 'crossed over' did I feel at home. This community of families, our agency, the process, Ethiopia and yes, even the grueling wait list - it all feels natural to us. It was the former process of infertility that just didn't feel right and not until now do I know why.
Adoption, Ethiopia and all of YOU is the way to our family.
XO
(sorry for rambling)
Love the quote. So true. And not just about infertility, but really, so many of the struggles I've been through can be summed up this way because without those struggles, my life wouldn't have taken the same journey to get to where it is today. What a gift to be able to even realize the blessing in that. Love you, my sweet friend!
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