My Thankful Post

A lot of the blogs I read have been focusing recently on what they are thankful for given that November is the month of Thanksgiving. I have really enjoyed reading those posts and it seems to me that when the writers focus on what they are thankful for that their moods instantly improve. I wanted in on some of that action. It is so hard to contain all of the things I am thankful for to one list. However, I realized I have this thing in my life that has renewed my spirits and given me a new purpose and meaning – our adoption process. I was reminded again last night as to why I am so thankful that we are on this journey. My friend, Amy, has been on her agency's waitlist for 14 long months and has faced the wait with strength and bravery. I am not 100% sure whose idea it was but I think Jen and Paige collaborated and came up with the idea for a “sprinkle” for Amy to show our love and support as she and Joel push through this final leg of their time on the waitlist. A group of us went out for dinner and drinks and brought small gifts for Amy. Fabulous idea, right?! It was a wonderful get together and even though it was meant to lift Amy’s spirits it lifted mine as well. As I was driving home, I was thinking about how thankful I am to have these new friends in my life and it is all due to the adoption. If Damon and I face delays or roadblocks it is reassuring to know that all of these women have gone before me in the process and will be there to offer support.

I was reading over on YaYa Stuff the other day about how she realized that when a couple adopts it is all about teamwork. Damon and I have different strengths and we utilized those as we attacked all of the paperwork but it really has felt like we have both been able to experience every step of the process. I had never looked at it that way. We both filled out document after document, we answered questions from the social worker and we were both on the call with Mary when we went out on the waitlist and learned about the next steps. All of those future steps we will experience together – the referral call, passing court and traveling to Ethiopia to meet our child. Oh how I long for those moments!

I really think my life would somehow be less if we had never started this journey. The adoption has so done so much for me already and we don’t even have our little one home yet. The possibilities seem endless and I am so very THANKFUL!

I am not thankful for the fact that my dog was sprayed by a skunk this weekend and my house still smells. I know that doesn’t really go with the thankful theme but a girl still needs a little sympathy every now and then.

Inspirations

Throughout this adoption process we have obviously faced lots of questions and Damon and I welcome them. We are eager to tell people all about our adoption and to draw attention to the needs in Ethiopia. As we were driving to my college reunion, Damon said, “Get ready to answer lots of questions about the adoption.” We smiled at each other as he said it though because it is fun to share. Of course we have only been on the waitlist for 2.5 months so maybe as it goes along we’ll tire of some of the questions but for now I enjoy sharing my excitement with others. I was happily surprised the other day when someone asked me if we had any particular inspirations or defining moments that led us to adopt and specifically why we picked Ethiopia. I hadn’t really thought about our decision in terms of inspirations but it was a fun trip down memory lane.

I realized there are a few things I can point to that really touched us and helped us hit send on the initial online application to Gladney. We had been talking about adoption off and on for a while but towards the end of 2008 we were discussing it in more concrete terms. Damon started researching agency websites and I really started getting into reading blogs of women who had adopted or were in process of adopting. Most of the blogs that I read initially were families adopting from Guatemala. I’m not exactly sure how I found these blogs but I was totally hooked and I went back through their archives and read them like novels. I can’t talk about my inspirations to adopt without acknowledging the importance of blogs. Another big thing that happened was that last year I reconnected with one of my best friends from middle school, Valerie. We exchanged a few emails and I found out that Valerie and her husband had adopted a boy from Guatemala. What are the odds!? We got together when I was home for Christmas and it was a defining moment for me. She didn’t know at the time that Damon and I were thinking about adoption but I peppered her with questions and she was a great resource. I also got to know Henry, her son, and he was such a joy. I was instantly part of the Henry fan club. Valerie and Henry have such a good mother-son relationship and he is clearly a happy and loving kid. Looking back, I truly believe that Valerie and I were meant to rekindle our friendship. She was one of the first people I told when we made our decision and she has been a huge support! I am so very grateful.

The other big moment was a day I will never forget. Damon did most of the research on adoption agencies and he had landed on Gladney. I came home from work and Damon told me he had something he wanted me to watch. We went over to the computer and he pressed play on a video that was on Gladney’s Ethiopian website. I had been thinking about adopting from Africa as I envisioned us on our journey so I was very eager to see what he had to show me. Damon warned me that when he watched it earlier that he got a little emotional. I will tell you that I could count on one hand the number of times I have seen Damon cry in the 10 years we have known each other so I knew this had to be big. The video was of a young couple and their trip to Ethiopia to meet their son. There were shots of them on the flight over, the streets of Addis Ababa and of where there son was found abandoned. The part that struck a chord was the end when they were sitting in a waiting room and a Gladney staff member brought their son into the room. It was such a touching moment and I realized I was watching them become a family. I had tears streaming down my face and I looked up at Damon and he said, “I want to adopt from Ethiopia.” It was one of my favorite moments in our marriage.

Pink Ribbon

I have wanted to do this post all month and I am just barely making it in before the deadline. I have a very clear memory of my winter break during my junior year in college. I was sitting next to my father on my grandmother’s couch at her home in Kansas City and my mom and sister were on the other couch across the room. My parents told us that my mother had been diagnosed with breast cancer. They told us the doctors said her prognosis was good and that they caught the cancer in its early stages. After that the rest of the conversation was a bit of a blur. My grandmother’s house had a huge bay window and I just stared out the window in shock. My mom received a huge outpouring of support and our family and friends rallied around her. I remember my dad saying that her diagnosis drove home to him what an amazing community of friends they had in Tulsa. A little over a year after her diagnosis, the Race for the Cure in Tulsa rolled around and tons of friends showed up and walked with my family in support of my mom. As we approached the end of the race, I stepped back and watched my parents as they held hands and crossed the finish line. That was about ten years ago and my mom has finished that race every year. I love that the Komen Foundation does the Race for the Cure in cities across the country throughout the year. It is wonderful that October is breast cancer awareness month but the fight should go on all year.

Last season on So You Think You Can Dance one of the choreographers did a tribute dance for a friend who was battling breast cancer. I watched it and tears just streamed down my face. I decided to post it here to honor all of those who have had to face that battle.

Reunion Recap

This past Saturday Damon and I made the two hour drive to Earlham College in Richmond, Indiana. I graduated from Earlham in May of 1999 and they do their reunion activities over Homecoming Weekend each fall. I met some of my closest friends in the world at Earlham, including Damon. I walked away from the reunion totally over stimulated and didn’t sleep well that night. I kept going over a lot of the conversations I had and there were a few things that kept resurfacing. I was thinking about how impressed I was with what so many of my classmates were doing with their lives and how many of them credit their experience at Earlham for what they decided to pursue as careers. Several of the people I caught up with work for non-profits or even started their own non-profits, teach young children, are completing graduate degrees, etc. It struck me that a high percentage of Earlham alums seem to be involved in more service oriented fields. I shouldn't have been surprised by this. Earlham is a very small liberal arts school that was founded by the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers) in the mid 1800s. Most of us weren’t raised in the Quaker religion but came away from Earlham with such a respect for a lot of what Quakers value and even though we may not always realize it those ideals have influenced our major life choices. Earlham faculty, who we called by their first names, were always talking about engaging us in the life long process of learning. I think the Quaker ideals of social activism, living simply and creating communities are alive and well in all of us. One thing I loved is that our professors usually started class with a moment of silence and we were able to use that time to catch our breath, focus, pray or do whatever felt right. If only we all could approach our daily decisions with a moment of silence. I think we would all be less stressed and would make more rational decisions. I have been to several weddings of Earlham couples and even though they weren’t Quaker they incorporated the moment of silence into their ceremony. I imagine this was done in gratitude for what we all gained from the influence of Quaker values. I even think that our decision to adopt was partly influenced by the connection we feel to our global community and that was surely cultivated at Earlham.

The other thing I realized is that I have totally been taking for granted how lucky Damon and I are to have the shared experience of going to Earlham. I imagine many people will tell you that their college experiences were unique but I truly believe this about Earlham. Several people approached us and told us how jealous they were that we didn’t have to explain all things Earlham to our significant other because we both just get it. One friend had brought his wife back to Earlham for the first time and you could see the joy in eyes as he got to observe her taking in all the experiences and meeting people that were a big part of his college experience. At the class dinner another friend was showing me her pictures from the day and one of the pictures was the back of a bathroom stall that had a Frisbee hanging on the coat hook. She said she took the photo because it was “so Earlham” and she wanted to show her boyfriend. I never realized that Damon and I were just able to talk about Earlham without having to explain it. Clearly, I really need people to knock me over the head with lessons of gratitude sometimes. It is a wonderful community of friends at Earlham and I hope to continue to build on that wherever Damon and I go.

“They gathered sticks and kindled a fire and left it burning.”

-Engraved in the fireplace in the cafeteria at Earlham College

Random

I would like to apologize in advance. There will be no central theme to this blog post.

Random Item #1

Thank you so much for the wonderful anniversary wishes. Damon and I extended our anniversary by one week and went out for our celebratory dinner last night. We went to one of my favorite places in all of Ohio. Yoshi’s! Japanese food makes me happy like no other food can. At authentic Japanese restaurants there will always be a main hostess lady. Although the word hostess doesn’t really do her justice because it is more like she is the mother of the restaurant. I have never been a regular at a restaurant but I am at Yoshi’s. It pleases me that when I walk in the “restaurant mother” greets me by name. She is lovely. We were chatting and I told her that we were out celebrating our wedding anniversary. A few minutes later she comes back to the table with two glasses of wine that were on the house! I must say it again. She is lovely. We had to use Damon’s phone so it isn’t the greatest quality and doesn’t do the sushi justice but here is a shot of what we devoured.

Another thing I love about Yoshi’s is that Damon and I are always in the minority. When we got up to leave I looked around and realized in the entire front room of the restaurant we were 2 of the 4 non-Japanese people there. That is when you know you are at a truly authentic and delicious Japanese restaurant.

Random Item #2

Yesterday was our 2 month waitaversary! We are getting closer and closer to our little buster.

Random Item #3

Earlier in the adoption process, I stumbled across the website of the non-profit group, Ethiopian Orphan Relief. I was scrolling through the bios of the board members and much to my delight one of them was right here in central Ohio. I told myself I must meet this woman. Through the group of Ethiopia Adoptive Families I did. Paige is wonderful and is extremely knowledgeable about Ethiopia. At one of the dinners a few months ago, I told Paige to let me know if there were any opportunities to volunteer for EOR here in Ohio. Well, yesterday afternoon I got my opportunity. We sold tickets as part of Macy’s Shop for a Cause and the proceeds from the tickets went to EOR. The three hours flew by and we sold a fair amount of tickets. I feel very lucky to have my local Ethiopia adoptive mom mentors of Amy and Paige right here in OH. You should be jealous of me. Seriously.

Random Item #4

I have a theory. When I don’t watch a regular season Buckeye game they lose. My theory was proven again yesterday. I didn’t watch the game (reason = random item #3) and they lost to Purdue. Pathetic. Sorry Buckeyes. This season is not going well.

That’s all I got. Next Saturday is my 10 year college reunion. I think that deserves a dedicated blog post.

Go Hustlin’ Quakers! Stay tuned.

Seven Years Ago

Seven years ago today I said, “I do.” When we were married both of our parents were in their 30th year of marriage. How amazing is that? I knew I was in love but I didn’t know how our love would be tested. Does it make sense that through the harder times I have found more love that I didn’t know was there? Seven years sure feels like a lot but I am sure our parents, who are now in their 37th year are thinking, “Hah, just you wait!” Parenthood will definitely bring about a new set of challenges but I know that when I envision Damon holding our child for the first time and the look he will have in his eyes that it makes me cry. I’m not naïve and can say with certainty it won’t be all sunshine and roses. I will for sure get annoyed when he starts following our child around with a dust buster hoping to catch all the crumbs. But in all seriousness, today I don’t really want to focus on what we’ve been through or even where we are going but want to try and celebrate simply us. For me, on this day, that’s enough.

"Nobody has ever measured, even poets, how much a heart can hold. " - Zelda Fitzgerald

Addicted

It’s official. I am completely addicted to reading about adoption. I need to join a support group or maybe the blogging community is my support group. However, if that is the case then we are a bunch of enablers by continuing to update our blogs and share information about adoption and our personal journeys through it. It doesn’t end with just the blogs. I also love all sites that sell any sort of Ethiopia related gear like t-shirts or baby clothes. I have to exert a lot of will not to buy all of it. Did you know there happen to be shows on TV about adoption? They exist to feed my addiction. There is a new show on the WE network about open adoptions. That is obviously not the route Damon and I chose but I still enjoy learning about it and how the relationships develop. The show makes me wonder even more about my future child’s birth mother. I think about her a lot but that is a post for another day.

This adoption addiction really became apparent to me on Saturday morning. I have been super congested and not sleeping well so after a night of tossing and turning I was up pretty early. I decided to let Damon sleep in and went out to the living room to watch a little TV. I flipped through the channels and settled in on the Today Show. You know how the crowds gather outside on Rockefeller Plaza and occasionally hold signs and Al Roker will engage some of them and wish them happy birthday. Well, I was slouched on the couch and my eyes were a bit glazed over and I saw a sign in the crowd that said, “I love my Gladney Baby.” Then I saw another one that said, “Adoption Rocks – I heart Gladney.” I was seriously concerned that I was hallucinating. No joke. I rubbed my eyes and looked at the TV again and the signs were still there. I couldn't help but laugh at myself. I had no idea why they were there but it pleased me. I went through the rest of the day and most of Sunday and basically forgot about this moment. Then I was checking blogs on Sunday afternoon and Heidi mentioned a gathering of Gladney folks in the NY/CT area and I remembered “the incident.” Luckily, Heidi was able to reassure me that this was not an "adoption brain" vision but an actual occurrence. It was a close call. I rarely watch the Today Show on Satuday mornings and think it is a little weird that the morning I decided to watch there were people there holding signs about our adoption agency. It makes me smile actually.

I wanted to share a few of the great links I have discovered through my addiction.

Amharic Tees: They have adorable stuff for infants, toddlers, women and men. If you typically get a Christmas gift from me then odds are that you might receive something from this site. Their shirts are 100% organic cotton and they import their natural fibers from Ethiopia. Plus the shirts are just plain cute and incorporate Ethiopian culture.

Parenthood for Me: This couple has started a non-profit to help provide resources and education for couples either going through adoption or pursuing treatments for infertility. They are currently building an endowment so that couples pursuing adoption can apply for grants to help ease the expense of adoption. The wife also has a great blog and she is an extremely gifted writer. You should check it out!

Amharic Kids: This site has educational tools for kids. The couple that started Amharic Kids realized after the adoption of their daughter that they wanted more tools like books and toys that could help incorporate their daughter’s culture into her life. They have a book called “My First Amharic Words” and these bean bag sets that teach colors and numbers in Amharic. Plus they have tons of other stuff. And the cool thing is that proceeds from the purchases go back to Ethiopia in the form of sponsoring children and towards Ethiopian food relief programs. I will make several purchases from this site when our little buster is home.

I joke about my addiction but I really do think overall the addiction is therapeutic. There are so many times I read someone’s blog and I think how they took the words right out of my mouth. To know that someone out there in Minnesota, Oregon, New York or right here in Columbus is feeling what I am feeling is of huge comfort. There is no doubt the addiction will continue and I will only stop when I have a true hallucination. I’m okay with that.