LB had an incident at the park this week that reminded me of some really wise advise he received from his three old buddy, G. This advise is now in my arsenal of tools to use with LB and it is very effective. I'll set the scene for you. It is no secret that LB looks up to G and that LB thinks the world of him. A few months ago, we were playing at G's house and G tripped over a toy and fell. He started to cry a little bit and had a very sad look on his face. LB has always been troubled by other kid's showing signs of distress, especially when it is someone he loves. LB is very empathetic but also has anxiety in certain situations. (Hmmmm... that sounds like someone I know. Oh right, that's me.) In the adoption world, this is often referred to as hypervigilance. Crying is a noise that has always troubled LB. It triggers a fear response. Well, once LB noticed what was going on he lost it. He started crying and screaming and ran to me. We were down in their basement so I took him upstairs to try and calm him down. I was trying to tell him that G would be okay and his mommy would make it better but LB wasn't really buying it. Once G was okay I heard his mom tell him that he needed to go upstairs and tell LB he was okay. G came to the top of the stairs with the biggest grin on his face and exclaimed, "Look! I'm happy! Sometimes we are happy and sometimes we are sad. And that's okay." Hello! I could not have said it better myself. Such a deep statement. I am pretty sure that is the way life goes. "Sometimes we are happy and sometimes we are sad. And that's okay." When LB saw that G was smiling he was able to relax and smile too.
Ever since that event with G, LB has done a much better job not worrying too much when other kids are upset. If we hear or see another kid crying, I just tell him that the boy or girl is just sad right now but soon he or she will be happy again. I sometimes add, "remember what G says." It's pretty simple and it seems to work. I think because it seemed like he was making so much progress that is why the recent incident at the park initially really bummed me out. We had some warm weather this past week so LB and I went to the school park down the street after his nap. There is another boy in the neighborhood, J, who we see there pretty often. He is in kindergarten and LB thinks J is pretty darn cool. J is usually very sweet to LB. J was being a typical, goofy six year old boy and started rolling around in the grass, pretending he was hurt. He was saying "ouch ouch" pretty loudly. LB didn't realize what was happening and thought J was actually hurt so LB started in on the grabbing on to me for dear life and crying and screaming. It was heartbreaking. And if I am being honest, these situations tend to really me stress me out, which probably doesn't help the situation. (See above reference to anxiety.) We stepped away from the other boys for a little bit and I tried to tell him that J was being silly and that he was happy and not sad. I also tried to tell him that it was just like how he and his Dad will roll around on the floor and tickle each other and be silly. I may have used too many words and in LB's state of fear it was too much to absorb. I walked him back over to J and showed him that everything was fine. I was so relieved when LB recovered and even smiled at J. There had been moments last fall when he got so upset by other kid's distress that we just had to leave because I couldn't get him to recover. I am really working on leaving places on a positive note rather than mid melt down. So I let him see that everything was okay with J and then one of J's friends came over to LB, hugged him and gave him his box of raisins. Then I almost lost it. It was so sweet and compassionate. LB could not stop grinning and was so pleased to have received this gift from an older boy. We spent some time on the swings and then we left the park. LB was smiling and not screaming. So even though it discourages me that he is still holding on to fear, I do think he has overcome so much in a relatively short period of time. I'm proud of him. And after all, "sometimes we are happy and sometimes we are sad. And that's okay."
I also really hope that when LB is in kindergarten he will share his box of a raisins with a scared, younger kid.
Ever since that event with G, LB has done a much better job not worrying too much when other kids are upset. If we hear or see another kid crying, I just tell him that the boy or girl is just sad right now but soon he or she will be happy again. I sometimes add, "remember what G says." It's pretty simple and it seems to work. I think because it seemed like he was making so much progress that is why the recent incident at the park initially really bummed me out. We had some warm weather this past week so LB and I went to the school park down the street after his nap. There is another boy in the neighborhood, J, who we see there pretty often. He is in kindergarten and LB thinks J is pretty darn cool. J is usually very sweet to LB. J was being a typical, goofy six year old boy and started rolling around in the grass, pretending he was hurt. He was saying "ouch ouch" pretty loudly. LB didn't realize what was happening and thought J was actually hurt so LB started in on the grabbing on to me for dear life and crying and screaming. It was heartbreaking. And if I am being honest, these situations tend to really me stress me out, which probably doesn't help the situation. (See above reference to anxiety.) We stepped away from the other boys for a little bit and I tried to tell him that J was being silly and that he was happy and not sad. I also tried to tell him that it was just like how he and his Dad will roll around on the floor and tickle each other and be silly. I may have used too many words and in LB's state of fear it was too much to absorb. I walked him back over to J and showed him that everything was fine. I was so relieved when LB recovered and even smiled at J. There had been moments last fall when he got so upset by other kid's distress that we just had to leave because I couldn't get him to recover. I am really working on leaving places on a positive note rather than mid melt down. So I let him see that everything was okay with J and then one of J's friends came over to LB, hugged him and gave him his box of raisins. Then I almost lost it. It was so sweet and compassionate. LB could not stop grinning and was so pleased to have received this gift from an older boy. We spent some time on the swings and then we left the park. LB was smiling and not screaming. So even though it discourages me that he is still holding on to fear, I do think he has overcome so much in a relatively short period of time. I'm proud of him. And after all, "sometimes we are happy and sometimes we are sad. And that's okay."
I also really hope that when LB is in kindergarten he will share his box of a raisins with a scared, younger kid.
Posts
em...
ReplyDeletei so, so, so understand this. it is so intense. our sweet babes, how much they have to process. it's so hard. thanks for sharing. love you!
I love that - Sometimes we are happy and sometimes we are sad. So simple, yet so true. I also love that E has some little friends to help him learn these lessons. No matter as hard as adults try, I think kids can communicate these things on a different level.
ReplyDelete