Nobody said this would be easy. Nope. Not easy at all.
For all my buddies in the ET adoption community this is old news (well, by old I mean 24 hours).
We got word yesterday from our agency that the federal government in Ethiopia has determined that adoptive parents must now travel to Ethiopia for the court date. Previously we signed a power of attorney and our agency represented us in court. Then once we passed we would travel 4-6 weeks later for the embassy date. What does this mean? Now we will have to travel to Ethiopia TWICE. I will tell you that it was a not a pretty sight in the Buster household yesterday. I happened to be home because I was recovering from a violent stomach bug. It was one of those emails that you have to read twice to really comprehend it all. My initial reaction was to break down in tears. Yep, they were big, fat and ugly tears. I know that may seem dramatic but I was so tired from all the puking (told you, not a pretty sight) and all I could think about was meeting my baby and having to say goodbye. I just couldn't see myself flying all the way to Africa and coming home without a baby in my arms. A day later and many emails, Facebook chats and phone calls with other mommas in waiting I am feeling better. I am also really trying to find that girl inside of me that can just roll with it. She has to be down there somewhere. In the end, all of this is out of my control and is about issues much bigger than me. If this helps bring more transparency to the process then that is good. This will allow the federal court in Ethiopia to meet with the adoptive parents before the adoption is finalized and confirm our desire to adopt the child matched with us. Hopefully it will allow for more time to meet with birth relatives and to see our child's birth country. And of course the obvious pro in getting to see our baby sooner. I am going to keep trying to suppress that image of getting on the plane without baby Buster. I am not sure anything good comes from focusing on that. I know there are other countries that require two trips and if any of you readers out there have done this then I would love to chat with you. I am going to need all the advice I can get. (Valerie - Get a ready for a phone call from me and there may be tears.) Yesterday was a low but I have full faith in Gladney and I continue to thank my lucky stars that we are with such a reputable agency. We are along for the ride and we'll see how it all shakes out. In other positive news, Damon tells me that our house no longer smells like puke. Very good news.
Here is a cute little face that cuddled with me the past few days. Precious. Don't you think she looks upset about the news as well?
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she does look sad--
ReplyDeletethis news bites--there's no way around it. I hope Ethiopia finds a way to close the gap between the court date and the embassy date so families can stick around between the appointments
xo
Hi Emily,
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to chime in and say that I'm sorry to hear the news about Ethiopia. We did visit Samuel in Guatemala twice before I got to "stay" with him permanently. The first time was required to sign POA in country, second visit was by choice. Not going to lie- it was excruciating to hand him back both times, but the time with him was precious. I felt like part of me was numb in the time I had to wait- I was pretty consumed by just getting back with him again. The pictures of us together helped and being more familiar with where he was made it easier, too. My husband suggested doing a Build-a-bear and recording our voices, which I said was cheesy, but we did it and left it with him and I do think that being able to hear our voices while we were gone was a good thing for him. We also took one of those squishy baby books you can put pictures in and left it full of pictures of us so he could see our faces in hopes that maybe it would help one tiny bit in transition later on. Wow- this is a long comment... sorry! Good luck!
oh sweetie. i am feeling this for you guys so much. i'm glad that you are focusing on the opportunities here. we had such an amazing time in Addis and really miss it. that girl, the one you are speaking of, she will rally. because that's what happens. you're a mom even without seeing that face yet... and that's what moms do. so keep that strength. you are amazing. thinking of you!!! xoxoxoxoxo
ReplyDeletei like Armstrong's advice of leaving behind a recording of your voice. kai & i plan to each read a book on a recorder that we'll leave. i think it's a great idea.
ReplyDeleteand rebecca always says the right things - yes, you're 'momma mode' seems to have already kicked in. that's a great place to be and will help you handle what's ahead. thinking of you - and sending positive vibes. xo
Okay, so action seems to happen on Fridays...let's go court dates & referrals!!!!
i'm still trying to process it all in my mind :\
ReplyDeleteYes, she looks like she's saying, "Momma, I'm worried about you. Give me a squish!"
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine having a horrible stomach bug on top of everything else this week. You must be so drained. And, really, only a robot would be able to go with the flow so cut yourself slack and do whatever you need to do to cope. This is hard, but sooooooooooooooooooooo so so worth it! You should go read the comment Jess left on my "Chages" post yesterday (course it will probably make your cry so don't read it if you don't feel like crying!).
I second what Tamara said. Let's go with the court dates and referrals. We will all feel better once we see some movement!
XOXO,
Heidi
Dang it, why doesn't blogger have a spell checker! I meant ChaNges post, not Chages! You know what I meant...
ReplyDeleteIt is SO much to process. I think we're all doing a good job of portraying the positives, but I'm with you that the thought of leaving our child after meeting him or her is devastating. I know people have done it for years in other programs, so obviously it can be done. But wow, it's not how we envisioned it to be, is it?
ReplyDeleteI agree that the hardest part of all of this is having to say goodbye to our children. That part will be so hard. :-(
ReplyDeleteI hope you are feeling better. Stomach bugs are no fun. Your dog is adorable though. I want one! :-D
Oh, Emily. I just now read this -- a good 15 hours after you typed it (which by the way, hopefully means your puking is long gone, right?). Sucky, sucky, sucky. Makes me frustrated for you. But like you said, this stems from something so much bigger than you, beyond your control, and sucky as it is, it is what it is. And you know what? It's perfectly fine to cry those big ol' ugly crocodile tears. I know I did my fair share of that! You should'nt feel weak or anything less or guilty for being upset about it at all. Anyone would be upset in the situation! You're not a robot -- you're a real person with emotions and feelings and already a crazy passionate love for Baby Buster, which also means you're going to be one amazing mother, so you just cry it out when you need to. That doesn't mean that you won't eventually be able to find that girl inside of you that will roll with the punches. Believe me, I know that girl is in you and the perfect person for this crazy journey you are on.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm one of the mama's who ended up visiting her baby twice -- not by choice or planned that way -- but it is what it is, and I ended up having to hand my baby back and get on a plane without him. I thought I was going to break into a million pieces when I was waiting to board the plane, especially since there were other parents on that flight bringing their kids home. I think it was especially hard since I had no idea I would be leaving without him. Sure, it's not ideal either way, but at least having the idea in your head knowing you will have to leave once is better to be prepared for than to have sprung on you.
Like you said it's going to have to be a CHOICE to focus on the positives of getting to visit Baby Buster, maybe meet the relatives, see the country, etc. And there will still probably be tears in the meanwhile, and girlfriend, that is OKAY. When the entire process is all said and done, it's a bit like what I've heard about labor pains -- when that baby is home and in your arms, you're going to be able to move on and most of the heartache from the journey is going to fade, fade, fade away.
I got your back, girlfriend. You call me and cry me a river whenever you need to. :)
It's rough, I know...(I had a nice mini melt down in the mall when I got the news of the changes via my phone while shopping with my daughter....ugh!) Anyway...IN SPITE of the hurdles....the challenges...the waiting...the tears, etc....WE WILL BRING THEM HOME!....
ReplyDeleteWhew! That last 48 hours have been hard, but today is feeling a little better. I just got your e-mail and will write you back soon1
ReplyDeleteWhoops! That comment from Brian was actually me!
ReplyDeleteOh honey, I'm so sorry. And, I miss you.
ReplyDeleteOH, I AM PRAYING FOR YOU GUYS!!! ADOPTION REALLY IS A JOURNEY ON SPM MANY DIFFERENT LEVELS!
ReplyDelete