Almost a Year Ago

Ezra's birthday is on Monday. Almost a year ago he was born in a hospital in Awassa, Ethiopia. This year his birthday falls on Martin Luther King Jr. Day, which I love. I have been seriously conflicted about what to do to commemorate his birthday. I have gone back and forth a million times if we would have a party and invite friends over or not. Finally, last week Damon and I came to the decision that we would just do something the three of us rather than have a big shindig. Of course if he wants a party when he is older then we will do something. In the past few weeks leading up to his birthday I have been overcome with emotion. Not because he is getting older. But I am reminded of the loss that led to his adoption. I hadn't said much to Damon about this because I wondered if I was being melodramatic and I DO want to focus on celebrating Ezra's life and all the joy he brings to us. That's what birthdays are for. I don't want this sadness to be misinterpreted. However, last night Damon told me that he was feeling conflicted about January 17th too. I was so glad that we were able to talk about it together and that I wasn't alone. A few weeks ago I read a post from another adoptive mom who was also feeling sadness leading up to her twins' first birthday and she decided that she would be sad the day before the birthday so she could focus on celebrating their life on the actual day. That works for me too. So this weekend I am allowing myself to be sad. I am not beating myself up over it but am showing myself some grace. I understand now how parents can make the ultimate sacrifice for their children. Ezra's Ethiopian family is never far from my mind but this weekend they will be front and center. If you wouldn't mind saying a prayer for them I would be ever so grateful.